How To Make Life HARDer
You know how life can just be waaaay to easy sometimes?
HAHAHHAH I am completely joking.. I mean since when?? That statement is NEVER accurate. EVER.
My story today starts with Ri Bread desperately trying to stack some Z’s. She is restlessly flicking her feet as she fails miserably at the art of falling asleep. Yes, Ri Bread is I. Thought I’d clarify that just in case..yuh know.
Back to the story. Well, so my mind was on one of those ah-so-close-I-am-almost-asleep adventures when I suddenly had that falling sensation & jolted awake. Simultaneously, I remembered that my Hard Summer Music Festival bracelet should be arriving in the mail soon. I felt odd for some reason, thus I opened my email to check for the confirmation order.
*flashback to 3 weeks prior*
*takes pull of vodka*
*takes 2 pulls of vodka*
*sees whiskey bottle & automatically tastes that shit without even sipping it*
*alcohol starts tasting good*
*tops it off with a suorin rip*
*suddenly gets urge to buy some festival tickets*
*downs more vodka woot woot*
Okay– the next morning after this nighttime realization resulted in12 hours on the phone with Frontgate Tickets, USPS, UPS, and my local post office (7 different people in total), I discovered why my bracelet had not yet arrived. Well, I apparently used an email address I had not used since I was in 5th grade..that explains no confirmation email. & to make matters worse, the shipping address I had typed in was a combination of all of my previous addresses… aka it was shipped to a completely made up place..& would it ever reach this nonexistent place? Who knows. It was M.I.A. & HARD was t-minus one week away.
Lesson: If you want to make life HARDER, purchase all festival tickets after you trash your liver & can’t stand up without dramatically grabbing the counter.
How else does one go HARDER???
Survive off of a combination of McDonald’s and Subway. You’ll be glowing by Day 3! This is the newest & coolest fad! But try to remain calm *insert deep breath* even though the California McD’s don’t have Hot & Spicy’s (please explain yourself???) & Subway makes you pay extra for some damn avocado!!!!
It was funny because by the third time at Subway, the workers recognized us..& probably wanted to murder me for always leaving trails of glitter. Ha. Oops.
Is it possible to go HARDER?
HELL YEAH IT IS.
The venue was the Dust Bowl. No exaggeration. My eyes were glassy by the end of the night. I was nearly blind in my left eye, but I couldn’t rub it unless I wanted to risk yanking out my fake eyelash. I had brought a mask, but my dumbass self forgot it was in my Camelback, so instead I inhaled that dirt like a vacuum. I often choked in an attempt to breathe. My boogers were completely black. Yes, after I blew my nose, I did in fact stare at them in my tissue. & lastly, I was prescribed antibiotics two days ago because my bronchitis came back for the third time. That is how to hit your lungs harder. *half sigh because bronchioles in pain*
There are a great deal of ways I made Hard Summer HARD AF but some aren’t very forever-on-the-Internet appropriate, so I guess I am going to leave you guys hanging! I mean I survived a few reckless decisions & a few straight plunges into mosh pits..so we guuud. We god damn guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuud.