documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit

THE MOST GOD DAMN INNOVATIVE CAKE RECIPE ON THIS PLANET & I DON'T EVEN GO TO ASU WHA WHAATT

THE MOST GOD DAMN INNOVATIVE CAKE RECIPE ON THIS PLANET & I DON'T EVEN GO TO ASU WHA WHAATT

When I was younger, I was that one child that took cake decorating lessons at Michael’s with a bunch of old ladies. Fondant yo. My dream was to be THE CAKE BOSS– Buddy Valastro was a god to me.. ha I’m pretty sure he was arrested for a DUI *America, The Beautiful plays in background*

 

 

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Okay, so basically cake baking & decorating was my shit. It was what the kidz on the block knew me for. Now that I think about it, it may have been the only reason I had friends…hmm..

noice.

My childhood was a time of creativity & imagination (before contraptions called iPads& Apple world domination), but I had long outgrown the “Easy Bake Oven” phase. I was developing my own recipes. Yes, I did not make cake mix from scratch, but this is simply because my instructor said that the stuff from the box is JUST as good as making homemade mix…& this lady was a professional. & all professionals know BEST, right? I mean look at Johnny Knoxville. He’s getting stacked by being a jackass. & what about Martha Stewart? I mean she went to prison & would still get hired at In ‘n’ Out over me. & don’t get me started about Tupac… I mean for all we know his limp body could be chillin’ at the bottom of the Pacific ocean or floatin’ in outer space on a super duper secret mission to communicate with other lifeforms. Professionals. They know how to get stuff done. The RIGHT way.

Therefore, we can conclude that cake derived from pure ingredients is no BATTER than cake from the box.

Still going with the puns. Apologies. *shrugs shoulders*

I should probably get to the point. So here we go.

Well, when I was in middle school, I was feeling extra bored with my go-to red velvet cake, so I knew this was my cue to shake it up a bit. I needed something that screamed SUUMMMMMEEERRR IS HERE (but does summer ever actually start & end in AZ? nah.)

B R A I N   B L A S T!

Zebra cake (chocolate & vanilla layered) is pretty cool. What about copying the whole zebra cake shenangbang, but instead using strawberry mix & lemon mix, which might possibly sorta kinda be like um strawberry lemonade?????

Innovation.

So I’m going to be simple with these steps because this is such a simple recipe. Why complicate the already uncomplicated? (I complicate just about everything so I’m trying my hardest to be mindful & not be high maintenance for once).

  1. Make lemon cake mix.
  2. Make strawberry cake mix. Aye, yuh still with me???
  3. Add a little of each mix (layering if you are’t familiar with that concept) into a pan. You can make this cake style or cupcake style..you’ve got the power on this one.
  4. Bake. Don’t forget that cupcakes cook waaaayy quicker than a cake! I’ve made this mistake on multiple occasions.
  5. Transform into Buddy Valastro. Replace the fam with stereotypical Italian family.
  6. Before you decorate the cake, make sure it is completely cool! I used strawberry frosting & lemon sprinkles. I topped it off with some dried strawberries to give it that high-class, luxurious, out-of-your-price-range, Snottsdale cake shop vibe.

Bon Appetit.

Duuude, I’ve taken 4.5 years of French & have stepped on French soil, but still had to double check how to spell that. Ha. What is life.

 

 

 

I hope they taste decent, maybe even delicious. My pal Emma gave me two thumbs up when I let her try some (& she is a professional because she works at a cupcake shop) so that’s encouraging I guess.

 



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