documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit

SYMPTOMS OF TEQUILA SUNRISE

SYMPTOMS OF TEQUILA SUNRISE

The leaves are yellow & red & orange!!! I am screaming! This is hands down the most beautiful time of year. Call me basic, but pumpkin EVERYTHING is my current reason for not giving up after midterms. Call me hipster, but squash EVERYTHING (yuh know like acorn, spaghetti, butternut, etc.) is the reason I haven’t curled up into a ball & thrown a temper tantrum *yet*. Only time will tell. Hahah. Yeaaaahhh. Well, anywho, the autumn season reminds me of the surge of well-being a person gets before the die. Right before winter! But let’s face it, winter is not the actual cause of death. Dying takes place a wee bit earlier….. *insert intensity*

It’s a spooky time for us Halloween-fanatics, as well as for our livers..yes– let the slow, painful, crampy, murder take place.

“Why??” You might be asking.

If you are asking this, please see yourself to the door.

It’s none other than TEQUILA SUNRISE.

& if you don’t plan on te-killin’-it, GET THE FOOK OUT.

The symptoms of the sunrise season are everywhere……….

1) The grocery stores are out of tequila. Shelves empty. The reason this is such a shock is most definitely because this never happens. I mean there’s no way that that many people enjoy the burning sensation of that Sauza dripping down your gastroesophageal junction on a normal day. But hey, stuff a shit ton of ragers into one town with the goal of getting absolutely trashed at 5 A.M. & wuh-luh! Suddenly, the demand for tequila is skyrocketing, breaking records, & leading to a shortage of stomach pumps.

2. As you leave your class on Thursday or Friday, every single professor gives you either the puppy-dog-please look or the smirk that screams you-are-all-fucked-on-the-exam-monday, but voice the phrase “…make good choices this weekend..” BECAUSE THEY KNOW WHAT’S UP. But is it a successful tequila sunrise if you don’t run into your professor at the bar or see them drive passed you as you’re throwing up in the street at 6 A.M. Mhmmm probs not.

3.Another symptom is amount of alternative events going on at that the exact time! Like don’t get me wrong, Flag is always poppin’ with some fun shit to do, but suspiciously at 6 A.M. on Saturday there’s a lot of non-alcoholic friendly activities taking place. Like free pancakes. Interesting hmmmm. Coincidence?? I think not. (That was an Incredibles reference btw)

4. Traffic. Holy shit. Don’t get me started. All of these NAU grandparents driving up. Alumni. Wannabe lumberjacks from other schools. Fake IDs and real IDs. Last year my friend had 4 of her pals fly in from Hawaii. Makes sense though. I’d travel the world for this sunrise.

5. Speaking of traffic, the amount of coppers is unreal. I swear every other car is a police officer out to get some drunk freshmen. Rounding them up like some discombobulated sheep. Helicopters too. Everywhere. But honestly I’d be more afraid of getting pulled over at 4 A.M. because I’m driving like a drunk when I’m really just slumped. Perfectly sober, but intoxicated by the Nyquil from the night before I forced myself to down because I was lying awake eager as if the next morning was Christmas. That was a mouthful, but do y’all feel me??? *ropes horse & tilts cowboy hat*

The day is almost here. Let’s get hyped & freak out about something we all do every weekend regardless, but this time it’s at the crack of dawn & we actually have a valid excuse to get wasted. The symptom it is over is a bunch of people in shades holding bottles of pedialyte & grubbing on Dominoes Pizza and Jimmy John’s bread.



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