And this is how my blog is revitalized. I experienced a drought in my life.. my desire to write shriveled. I did not entirely lose myself, but I did forget a piece of myself. Misplaced most likely. Somewhere. So I planted some blue flowers. Promise to forget-me-not.

documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit

ROCKS FOR US ROCK BOTTOM FOOLS

ROCKS FOR US ROCK BOTTOM FOOLS

I’m not really sure what this post has become. It’s kinda discombobulated. Kinda a big mess. Kinda cluttered. But I’m pretty confused with everything, so I guess you’ll get a chance to see things from my befuddled perspective. Good luck to my 13 readers.

I’ve reached the point in my existence where I’ve found myself with no destination in particular & no person left to turn to–

that sounded quite depressing, but lemme tell yuh. I’m soooo not about to kill your mood. I’m currently drinking a triple shot house coffee, so if anything, IT BOUT TO GET WILD.

Okay, anywho, on multiple occasions I have hit what appears to be rock bottom.

& as most of you know *insert cringe* I have a very weak spot for puns…

Soooo

in honor of this all-time low rock bottom state of being, I’ve rested my fate in the rocks themselves.

{{Side note: I just spilled a shit ton of steamed almond milk while attempting to pour it on my granola & I am getting the “god damn millennials” stare down from all of these old folks at Macy’s. Maybe they know I’m one of them kiddos who is willing to spend their retirement fund on avocado toast.}}

Hello, my name is Riley and you can catch me carrying around some dank stones in my handy dandy pockets like your average “this-many” years old *holds up hand raising 4 four- or is it five- fingers*

READY FOR SOME HIGH-KEY JUDGEMENT????

Okay, I confess. I’ve had my heart broken..no not broken.. more like completely annihilated. I swear my heart spontaneously combusted at least 17.613 times these last few months.

&what doesn’t kill you, can only make you stronger, right?

BULLSHIT.

I was convinced I was cursed. Karma? Bad juju? “Or maybe you’re just ugly” *insert Spongebob meme*

Now, I constantly carry around the stone of “Unconditional Love”. I’m actually wearing it around my neck at this very moment.

Why? Instead of attempting to explain, click this link if you care enough to waste your time reading about it.

Here’s a shout out to all of you boys who randomly dropped me.. I mean yo we don’t have to be in one of those spooky, serious relationships built on snapchat streaks &subtweets.. I just thought you were kinda funny & chill & would make a swell friendo.

Here’s another shout out to the mean girls. The girls that have made me cry. The girls that stole everything: my tenderness and healing, my nourishment and comfort, my compassion and peace. The girls that often left me questioning my self-worth every time I came face-to-face with my reflection. You are Earth’s finest creations.

& here’s one last shout out to the dog-os of Flagstaff. Tangent? Yes. Ha. But I love dogs so much. Yeeee.

It’s difficult to establish anything meaningful when we allow ourselves to be filled with doubt. As I said before, I’ve recently stumbled upon some rough patches– it’s been daunting. I think it’s easy to lose sight of the sun when we stop looking for it, choosing to face the ground rather than the limitless sky. I’ve put myself in a spiritless atmosphere. I’d like to thank the overcoming binds of fear for that. I mean it sucks. It absolutely sucks to lose people you care about. How it goes down is irrelevant because the burning sting of rejection hurts the same in every situation. BRB gotta go get caught up in the cycle of “what’s wrong with me” & “why am I not good enough”.

To protect myself, I removed the essential trust that gives relationships their durability. But it seemed necessary..if you don’t expect anyone to stay, then what is there to lose?

Let me answer that for you.

Everything. Substance. Happiness.

For a bit of time, I lived precariously. I can’t stress enough the scars we gain from heart break. Yes, those certain shitty songs played over& over on the radio make us more annoyed by this claim than ever, but that doesn’t make it not true. It’s terrifying to open up to others who might just disappear into the sunset the next day. (&I’m not talking about my favorite &classic roll away into the sunset, but instead the see ya later alligator that results in your tireless self leaving your phone volume on high, waiting for a single ring that you’ll probably never hear).

Deprivation. That’s what that is. We deprive ourselves of our inherent aptitude- to bond. & here I am with the firm belief that I repel people. That the humans that I see the brightest lights in their eyes only see blackness in mine. That the blinking vacancy sign on cheap motels is always going to be hanging on my decrepit heart. That’s the problem. We give up on ourselves. Yes, there are a few bad apples we are going to encounter, who are going to temporarily set us back, but I’ve learned that the worst mistake we can do is let these junctures define who we are.

Before you realize it, you’ll put yourself on an island & how can we expect anyone to rescue us if they don’t know we’ve gone missing?

But for real, I’ve been carrying rose quartz around as my second heart. As my constant reminder that maybe some crappy people have left me standing in the cold, but the universe is more than those buttheads who just don’t understand (well hmm well um yeah somewhat debatable here in Flag. I’m always cold here. I blame Rita Cheng).

My MANY pieces of rose quartz have led me to a few thoughts:

  1. Maybe there’s not an absence of love in the world.
  2. Maybe it’s not that people are vile creatures who take & take & take.
  3. Maybe it’s that unconditional love can’t find a person who doesn’t unconditionally love themselves.
  4. Maybe we should start giving without the expectation of receiving anything in return.
  5. Maybe rose quartz isn’t going to solve all of my petty problems with its oh-so powerful energies.
  6. It’s my job. It’s not a matter of collecting love from others. There’s no point in waiting around for someone to sweep you off your feet, embrace you in a hug, & remind you that it’s going to get better. Love is always available inside of you& it’s your choice of whether to use it or not.

& it’s okay if this mission starts with carrying around a crystal. It’s a mental reminder. It is love my eyes can verify. It’s something I can grasp between my fingers.. Like a tool. Whoa whoa wait. Not just any average Bob the Builder tool… it’s MY bad ass, psychedelic mf rock tool.

If you are procrastinating homework or really dig rocks, continue reading.

Here’s the tale of how rose quartz and I first met. Unfortunately, it wasn’t via Tinder superlike or at one of those iconic frat parties (where everyone has such GREAT personalities)…

About 10 ish months ago, I remember that pit in my stomach (no not like an avocado pit hahaha that would’ve been stellar!!!). But a pit that reminds you of being punched in the gut… that forces you into the dreaded nausea & light-headedness. I had never experienced loneliness in such a sudden fashion. There were always people around me, yet the connection went missing, the comfort had run off, the memories were devoid.. I was empty.

& then one day, while exploring Sedona, I laid eyes on a stone.

It was pink. I never was a huge fan of pink. This one summoned me to hold it.

It was sooooo tiny, nearly microscopic. Smaller than the nail on my pinky.

& ’twas a piece of Rose Quartz. 

I thought it was pretty & it emitted an obscure energy.

God damn I sound like one of those Flagstaffians.  SMH.

& maybe it wasn’t rose quartz. Maybe it was time that naturally healed my wounds, maybe the pain was just part of the process of heart break, but regardless, my story made a complete (most likely illegal) U-turn. I was saved. I used to give credit to the power of the crystal.. but truly it was some extraordinary human beings-

& I doubt these significant people have any idea that they brought me out of my grief.

That was my mediocre (because you all are worth waaayy more than my lame vocabulary) shout out to those exquisite souls who retaught me how to smile.

Next time I pass you in the streets, you might be gifted a “hello” & a crystal.

 



63 thoughts on “ROCKS FOR US ROCK BOTTOM FOOLS”

  • Thank you, I have recently been searching for info about this topic for a long time and yours is the best I have found out till now. However, what in regards to the bottom line? Are you positive in regards to the source?

  • I simply want to mention I am just newbie to blogs and certainly loved this website. Very likely I’m going to bookmark your website . You actually come with excellent writings. Thanks a bunch for revealing your web-site.

  • MetroClick specializes in building completely interactive products like Photo Booth for rental or sale, Touch Screen Kiosks, Large Touch Screen Displays , Monitors, Digital Signages and experiences. With our own hardware production facility and in-house software development teams, we are able to achieve the highest level of customization and versatility for Photo Booths, Touch Screen Kiosks, Touch Screen Monitors and Digital Signage. Visit MetroClick at http://www.metroclick.com/ or , 121 Varick St, New York, NY 10013, +1 646-843-0888

  • Faytech North America is a touch screen Manufacturer of both monitors and pcs. They specialize in the design, development, manufacturing and marketing of Capacitive touch screen, Resistive touch screen, Industrial touch screen, IP65 touch screen, touchscreen monitors and integrated touchscreen PCs. Contact them at http://www.faytech.us, 121 Varick Street, New York, NY 10013, +1 646 205 3214

  • I was just seeking this information for a while. After 6 hours of continuous Googleing, finally I got it in your site. I wonder what is the lack of Google strategy that do not rank this kind of informative sites in top of the list. Usually the top web sites are full of garbage.

  • You actually make it seem really easy with your presentation however I find this matter to be actually something that I feel I might never understand. It kind of feels too complicated and very vast for me. I am taking a look forward on your subsequent post, I’ll attempt to get the grasp of it!

  • Hey there! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a group of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a marvellous job!

  • Heya i’m for the first time here. I found this board and I find It really useful & it helped me out a lot. I hope to give something back and help others like you helped me.

  • I am also writing to let you be aware of what a great encounter our girl developed reading through your blog. She came to understand such a lot of pieces, which include how it is like to possess an incredible teaching nature to have many people without difficulty thoroughly grasp various grueling subject areas. You undoubtedly surpassed my expectations. I appreciate you for imparting these essential, healthy, explanatory and easy tips about that topic to Emily.

  • Great post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed! Extremely useful information particularly the last part 🙂 I care for such information a lot. I was seeking this particular info for a long time. Thank you and best of luck.

  • Definitely believe that which you stated. Your favorite reason seemed to be on the web the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people think about worries that they just don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

  • I am extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it is rare to see a great blog like this one these days..

  • hello!,I love your writing so much! proportion we keep up a correspondence extra about your article on AOL? I need a specialist on this area to unravel my problem. Maybe that is you! Looking ahead to look you.

  • Pingback: tadalafil tablets
  • Thank youThanks for any otheranothersome otherevery other informative blogwebsiteweb sitesite. WhereThe place else may justmaycould I am gettingI get that kind oftype of infoinformation written in such a perfectan ideal waymethodmeansapproachmanner? I haveI’ve a projectventurechallengeundertakingmission that I amI’m simplyjust now runningoperatingworking on, and I haveI’ve been at theon the glancelook out for such informationinfo.

  • Oh my goodness! an incredible article dude. Thank you Nonetheless I’m experiencing situation with ur rss . Don抰 know why Unable to subscribe to it. Is there anyone getting identical rss problem? Anybody who knows kindly respond. Thnkx

  • An impressive share, I just given this onto a colleague who was doing slightly analysis on this. And he in actual fact purchased me breakfast because I discovered it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the deal with! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to debate this, I feel strongly about it and love studying more on this topic. If possible, as you change into expertise, would you thoughts updating your blog with extra particulars? It’s extremely useful for me. Huge thumb up for this weblog publish!

  • After examine a couple of of the blog posts on your website now, and I actually like your means of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark website record and will be checking again soon. Pls take a look at my website as properly and let me know what you think.

  • I would like to get across my passion for your generosity giving support to visitors who must have help with your idea. Your personal commitment to passing the solution across has been certainly effective and has in most cases empowered others much like me to attain their targets. Your personal important key points signifies this much to me and much more to my colleagues. Many thanks; from all of us.

  • Great blog right here! Additionally your website quite a bit up very fast! What host are you using? Can I get your associate link on your host? I desire my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol

  • I enjoy you because of your entire hard work on this site. Gloria really loves carrying out investigations and it’s really simple to grasp why. We all hear all about the lively tactic you present very useful guidelines through this web blog and as well as recommend response from other people on that area of interest and our own princess is really being taught a lot. Enjoy the remaining portion of the year. You are performing a brilliant job.

  • Thanks a lot for giving everyone such a splendid chance to read critical reviews from this site. It can be very cool and also full of a great time for me personally and my office peers to visit your site at the very least 3 times per week to read through the newest tips you have. And of course, we’re certainly fascinated with all the excellent concepts you give. Some 4 ideas in this article are clearly the most effective we have all ever had.

  • Hi my loved one! I wish to say that this article is amazing, great written and come with almost all important infos. I would like to peer extra posts like this .

  • Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with a few pics to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that, this is fantastic blog. A fantastic read. I’ll definitely be back.

  • I enjoy you because of your own work on this web page. Kim really loves managing investigations and it’s really obvious why. We learn all concerning the powerful manner you deliver priceless strategies on this web blog and in addition inspire response from other people about this subject matter so our favorite daughter is actually understanding a great deal. Take pleasure in the remaining portion of the new year. You have been doing a tremendous job.

  • Simply desire to say your article is as surprising. The clearness in your post is simply excellent and i can assume you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the enjoyable work.

  • I have read a few just right stuff here. Definitely worth bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how much attempt you put to create any such excellent informative web site.

  • I like the helpful information you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your weblog and check again here regularly. I’m quite certain I’ll learn plenty of new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!

  • Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article. I’ll make sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I’ll certainly return.

  • I wish to show my gratitude for your kind-heartedness giving support to those who require assistance with the content. Your special dedication to getting the solution up and down appeared to be certainly useful and has usually allowed somebody much like me to realize their dreams. Your amazing helpful instruction implies so much to me and further more to my fellow workers. Thanks a ton; from everyone of us.

  • Whats Going down i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I have found It absolutely helpful and it has aided me out loads. I hope to give a contribution & assist different users like its helped me. Great job.

  • certainly like your web-site however you need to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find it very troublesome to inform the truth nevertheless I’ll surely come again again.

  • Wow! This can be one particular of the most useful blogs We’ve ever arrive across on this subject. Basically Wonderful. I am also a specialist in this topic so I can understand your hard work.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *