documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit

PHOENIX EN[lights]TENMENT

PHOENIX EN[lights]TENMENT

The experience was absolutely indescribable. I can tell you that the euphoria took place Saturday and Sunday night last weekend, but that is it. Words can’t adequately explain April 8th and 9th of 2017. So why even bother trying?

Anyone who has been to a rave knows that is quite a mind-altering period showered with powerful EDM and vast arrays of kandi. And in the midst of this utter madness, there comes waves of epiphanies, giving birth to these one-of-a-kind thoughts, bringing you one step closer to understanding the universe. It’s as if these undiscovered neurons are unleashed, illuminating your brain the same way the flashing lights glow along the dance floor. Well, I had a few moments of enlightenment that have forever changed my life- and might maybe change yours.

  • H2O. Aqua. L’eau. Wa Wa. The Pacific Ocean. I’ve come to the realization that the bonds between two hydrogen molecules and one oxygen molecule are sacred. Maybe my chemistry teacher’s passion toward these combined elements is not quite as insane as I initially suspected. Maybe he is on to something. The pain felt from immense dehydration at a rave is eased with this sacred substance. I think last weekend I drank around 15,000 gallons of this lovely liquid in a matter of 15 minutes—and didn’t even think twice. Water is the under-appreciated girlfriend/ boyfriend we all have. It deserves a wee bit more credit, yuh feel?
  • My second epiphany came about when my kidneys decided that they were going to burst. Apparently they can’t hold 15,000 gallons of water for very long. I know, I know. Shocker. Well, it was while my butt hovered over the toilet seat that I realized how releasing it is to pee. How it is a way to free your soul. How it is an act of pure beauty. Maybe that is why everyone at raves seem to skip and dance out of the bathroom, simultaneously holding a massive smile on their face. Not only this, but peeing also requires a great deal of energy. I literally had to pause every 20 seconds or so like 10 different times to take a breather. Peeing is something we must devote what little time and strength we have left in our system. It is an art in itself.
  • My third moment of enlightenment took place when I forgot I wasn’t in Flagstaff. Yes, Phoenix lacks ponderosa trees, high altitude, and Rita Cheng, yet I still found myself confused with where I was. Why? Because the entire NAU attends raves. The ratio of Lumberjacks to attendees at Phoenix Lights was unbelievable. Therefore, I learned that if I haven’t seen some friends around campus in a while, I simply need to buy tickets to the upcoming rave, and then I can rekindle with my fellow jacks. Pretty rad, right?
  • My fourth insight occurred when I blinked for half of a second, and then opened my eyes to the color red. Everywhere. I was surrounded by none other than what seemed like millions of gingers. We are magnets; we attract each other wherever we go. It’s just too strange. I see a fellow red, give a quick nod and smirk, and then suddenly we are hugging one another and yelling “I missed ya fam!!” I realized that I might be lacking a soul, but in return for this loss, I was given a second family. I was initiated into a cult (minus the scary stuff) that would always keep me from becoming lost. My gratitude for such is everlasting. Hashtag blessed. Shout out to my always expanding ging gang. Much love xo.
  • My fifth epiphany took place when I couldn’t recall my fifth epiphany. I sat distressed, staring at my computer screen for a solid 7 minutes. What was this fifth life-changing moment??? I had to remember, so I could tell the people!!! But what was it??? Well, the answer finally hit me the same way the floor hits me when I fall off my raised-bed every morning. There was no fifth epiphany. And how is this insightful at all? Because four is enough. I realized that five is just a number. It means nothing. I can leave y’all here with four moments of enlightenment and be perfectly content with that. Four is satisfying. Four is enough. Hi readers, please don’t hate me for this one. Ha.

Woot woot. I hope I did more than waste your time with this blog post, but rather transformed your perception on what it means to be a human being and to exist in this wacked world. I’ll stop before I embarrass myself more. Peace out pals, see ya at Bassrush.



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