documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit

May 28, 2018

FROM MEXICO TO VEGAS: A STORY OF SURVIVAL

FROM MEXICO TO VEGAS: A STORY OF SURVIVAL

Well, I haven’t been to Mexico– ever. & the last time I went to Vegas was for a family reunion when I was six years old. The only memory I really have from it is trying chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream for the first time aka it was a life changing experience.

As I’ve brought up before, I sacrificed just about everything for school, my jobs, and my internships, so to celebrate my new “fuck it” motto, I made what some might perceive as poor decisions. But what more can I say than

FUCK IT.

Well, after working my usual two 9-5 shifts on a wonderful weekend, I immediately drove straight to a pal’s house in Tempe.. & from there, we were off! I was on my way to meet Mexico! The shenans went on until Thursday afternoon, when after brawling with rush hour, we finally arrived back to Phoenix. That evening, I raced to Flagstaff because the next morning marked the voyage to Las Vegas.. yes after a week of booze cruisin’ & dehydration, I was headed for EDC. Yes yes yes… some might view this as a poor decision, but I survived & today I’m going let you in on how.

*insert suspense*

  1. Pedialyte. I purchased 4 bottles of Pedialyte because I knew my body was about to feel like a baby that has excessive vomiting and diarrhea. Expensive? ‘Twas. But in Mexico *insert plot twist* I bought myself 4 more bottles of an off-brand Pedia for $1 each. My wallet & liver both applauded me for making that decision. Except the cherry flavor tasted like actual poo, so 10/10 would recommend sticking with the grape! Tee-killin’ it.
  2. I pretended to be an injured baby seal in the water. OKAY, so first of all, there was a shit ton of sting rays in the water. Ummm. Umm. Ummmmmmmmmm way too soon. (RIP Uncle Steve) So I was terrified to go in. Furthermore, my favorite swimming style is definitely the dog paddle. Thirdly, I really needed to tan a darker shade of porcelain because prior I looked like white rice & who wants white rice when you can have orange chicken????? My solution was to lay out on my paddle, kicking in a manner that resembles a toddler on their belly throwing a tantrum. But when I’d get tired, I’d let the waves do the work & limply float like an injured baby seal. Genius, I know. Thank you.
  3. Drugs. I ate all the drugs I could find. To throw out some names: Nyquil, Women’s Daily Vitamin Gummies, UR MOM, Ibuprofen, Emergen-C, UR MOM again, etc. They all worked miracles. That’s how I kept Ri Bread rollin’ the entire week.
  4. Free breakfast. At our hotel in Las Vegas, I took part in the complementary breakfast. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Hahahaha & the stares I received from the hotel guests (decked out in my rave outfits &such) as I casually tried to eat my banana in peace were iconic. Like god damn it. People already give you strange expressions when you shove a banana in your mouth, but jeezus christ sorry that there is also glitter flying off my body simultaneously.
  5. Sleep. Just kidding!!!! In Mexico, I chose to wake up with the sunrise every single morning & in Vegas, EDC was from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. the entire weekend!!!!!!!! I did not want a bad sleep schedule, so instead I just completely got rid of it! I mean this may result in random crying spells in 10 minute intervals, but with this warm weather, a little splash of water on the face is quite refreshing. No, but on a real note: I saw the line, chose not to jump over it…I’m still recovering. I’m exhausted. I’m in a desperate need to stack some Z’s… buuuuuuttttt I still live by the “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” attitude. BRING IN THE CAFFEINE BISHES AYYYYEE SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS ESPRESSOOO YUH

In the end, life is truly survival of the fittest. Lucky for me (&usually I am fairly unlucky as MANY pals of mine have pointed out), I was able to wreck myself, but still crawl back to good ol’ Flagstaff. I hope a few of these methods to my madness help the rest of you all out who also make rash decisions. But really, make the summer a rad one–

keep it 50% business, 50% shenanigans

& YOU ARE GOOOOOOOD.

I promise.

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Filed Under: Shenanigans

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