documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit



You’re officially an adult.

L O L right?

I mean this is my second year of college & I still get anxiety just thinking about going to the doctor without my mom.

’tis rough lemme tell yuh.

Well, on Sunday, Tori & I moved into our new apartment & now we have t-minus 1 week to get our lives together before classes start.

Solid, I’d say. But as for you newbies, incoming Lumberjacks FROM ALL AROUND THE GLOBE (more like Phoenix, SoCal, & Colorado)… I gotchu covered. I’ve compiled a few things that I wasn’t prepared for…a few things that I felt the consequences…a few things that shaped me as a human creature bean forever. Yeeet. 

  1. GUYS. It snows in Flag. Like real snow. Like that stuff you never thought you’d experience first hand. Be ready. It numbs everything it touches, so don’t be alarmed if you can’t feel your nose. When you feel it initially, it’ll definitely be a surreal moment. Capture it. Everyone up here embraces snow like a’s beautiful– but expensive.
  2. Okay, okay. Take a deep breath. No, I am not trying to calm you down or help you relax. You NEED to take a deep breath or else you are going to pass out & die….damn elevation…gets me every damn time! No! The elevation not only makes it more difficult to complete simple tasks such as walking up the stairs, running after cute boys, & releasing the bowels, but it also makes you forget to do your homework & causes you to sleep through your alarm (USE THIS EXCUSE FOR YOUR FAULTS. IT NEVER FAILS.) You’ll notice that when you are up at NAU, we tend to blame all of our problems, school-related or not, on either the elevation or RIta Cheng. Chronic bunion pain?? Thanks a lot Rita.
  3. Is campus too easy for you? Do you know it better than the back of your hand? Is traveling from class to class..I don’t know…a wee bit boring for your wild self??? Well, if you’re ever craving a challenge, then get right on board the Louie Line. I swear that bus will take you everywhere but where you want to go. Kinda like an adventure! Yay! Within minutes, the bus will sporadically switch directions, pop a wheely, & skedaddle your fine self to the other side of town. Rad! &&& voilà YOU ARE COMPLETELY LOST! & if you’re an adrenaline junkie, partake in this quest 15 minutes before class. Trust me, it’ll get your heart racing the same way illegal substances do (the elevation will provide an extra oomph as well).
  4. Baby butt face. CH CH CH CHIA. Lumberjack face. aka that beard you spent your entire life growing, dedicated countless hours to watching the hairs not grow. Well, I don’t know if it’s the elevation or Rita Cheng, but the second you reach 7000′ BAAAAMMMM. *insert transformation* YOU GROW A BEARD. YOU BECOME A LUMBERJACK. YOUR FACE IS FUR. hahahhah this is a male & female thingy also, so don’t worry my femmes! Scratch that fomo! You’re included in the hair foofaraw too! & if it’s a full moon, not only does your beard demonstrate extreme volume, but you’re outfit automatically turns into a giant flannel & whatever is in your hand will instantly become a hydroflask…with a sticker on it that has AZ with a heart on the location of Flag. Basic bitch. That’s you now.
  5. If you don’t adore dogs get outta here. No joke. Dogs are in every direction. Flagstaff or heaven?? This is pup central, nuff said. or should I say ruff said? & can’t deal with puns?? Then definitely get outta here. NAU has nothing to do with puns, but I don’t want you killing my lame vibes with your fresh meat judgmental vibes. *insert sass* 

You’ve got this. Don’t be nervous kiddos! & if you ever feel out of place, snap the same photo of the Hotel Monte Vista sign that can be found on all those aesthetic instagrams. &BAM. You’re in. You’re accepted. You’re one of us. (I included an example pic above, so you know what I’m referring to)

Good Luck Pals,

Ri Bread


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