documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit

KICKIN' OFF SAN DIEGO WITH A BANG

KICKIN' OFF SAN DIEGO WITH A BANG

Hey everyone! These last few days, you could catch my other half & I scampering around the Pacific Coast (which I initially thought stood for “Peanut Butter” shhh don’t tell anyone). & we were being somewhat reckless by not putting on much sunscreen or drinking much h2o– kids, some just never learn. Buuutttt we survived the journey, so it’s chill right? I mean there were some bumps in the road here and there (specifically on the I-10), but we made it alive with great stories to tell. That’s what truly matters. Mhmm.

It was on the way to California where the troubles went down. ‘Twas a straight descent. Not an exciting roller coaster kind of descent, but the kind where you see Ri crying in 10-minute intervals. Okay, some of you may have found enjoyment in that sight, but I’m going to pretend you don’t so I can fall asleep smiling tonight. Soooo, you curious how to start a road trip off with a bang? Here’s how:

  1. On your way out of your house, drop your FAVORITE ICONIC BEAUTIFUL INNOCENT FRAGILE sunglasses. Watch as time plays out in slow motion…the heart-shaped lens falls out… is it a metaphor…is it foreshadowing my future heart break… *single tear drop*
  2. Forget to download the playlist you made for the drive on Spotify. Make sure you are out of data first, though, if you want the full effect!!!!!! Yay!!! Now listen to the same two songs OVER & OVER & OVER & OVVEERR                                                       …&OVER.
  3. Speed up when you enter the freeway in order to get to the carpool lane. Pass that semi with grace. But make sure it is right in front of a cop so you can get pulled over for the first time ever. Frantically hand him a bunch of papers in your glove box hoping one of them is your insurance & not the car manual. Sit there with a content expression as he makes fun of your spray tan (CHEETO FINGERS). & wave a friendly bon voyage as he drives away with all of your vacation hype & dignity. **Also shout out to Tori and Erik for jinxing me. & another shout out to all of my “friends” who made jokes about this incident..too soon…just way too frickin’ soon.
  4. 18 MPG. Might I say more? The lower the better. Get down. Like downer than down. Especiiiaaalllyyy if you drive a rad car that gets around 33 MPG on an average day aka my Kia Soul.
  5. Make a blog post about it because talking about your struggles eases the pain. Sorta. Not really. If anything, I really feel some hardcore judgment coming my way. Buuttt at least I tried.

SAFE TRAVELS THIS LOVELY MEMORIAL WEEKEND. GOOD LUCK.



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