documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit

How To Holiday With A College Student Budget Phase 1

How To Holiday With A College Student Budget Phase 1

 

Warning: There are high levels of sarcasm throughout this blog post. Please proceed with caution.

It is officially the most wonderful time of the year! It was all fun and games until I opened up my wallet only to find a few coins, a Forever 21 gift card with a balance of $1.47, and many empty pockets where cash should’ve been (but I mean who is really surprised). Yes, I know the holidays are not about money, but having a couple of bucks can definitely make life easier. Don’t even try to argue that. So instead of having a single item for “what’s unique this week”, I’ve decided to change things up a bit. I am going to show you how to holiday with a college student budget… featuring decorations!!! Wahoo!!!

My attempt to set the stage: 

It’s November 2nd. Halloween is over. Your content suddenly fades. You notice your neighbors putting up..what is that..wait..what is th-OHMYGOD IT’S A REINDEER. NO. IT CAN’T BE. PLEASE NOOOO. You carelessly spent all your money on this one holiday without realizing Christmas is right around the corner (less than 8 weeks now ahhhhhhh). What do you do? You lay on the floor confused, crying, begging for mercy… all hope is lost…and….BAM! I crash through your door (heroically) and save the day. 

How did I save the day you might ask?

Well, child, here is the answer to that great question:

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 1) FIND YOUR HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS AND ASSESS WHAT YOU’VE GOT.

GOT NOTHING? WELL, I GUARANTEE YOUR LOCAL STORE HAS SOME BAD ASS HALLOWEEN SALES GOING ON RIGHT NOW. GOOOO.
THIS PICTURE IS OF ME JUST HAPPILY HOLDING SOME JUNK!

 2) TIME TO GET TO WORK

  • I STACKED 3 WHITE PUMPKINS VERTICALLY.
  • I USED THIS MAGICAL (AND QUITE HANDY) SUBSTANCE CALLED SUPERGLUE TO CONNECT THEM.
  • I PLACED A SNAZZY HAT ON THE TOP PUMPKIN.
  • AND TA-DAH A SNOWMAN!!!!!! (SORTA)

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  •  YOU SEE THAT SKELETON HEAD IN THE FIRST PICTURE?
  • WELL, I PUT A B-E-A-UTIFUL SANTA CLAUS BEANIE OVER IT.
  • ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT *PIERS MORGAN VOICE*
  • THE MOUTH IS KINDA CREEPY, BUT YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
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  • CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WAS ONCE A WITCH HAT?
  • INCREDIBLE, I KNOW.
  • I BASICALLY TOOK A WITCH HAT AND PAINTED IT LIKE SANTA CLAUS.
  • SO FRICKIN’ CLEVER.
  • NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW THIS CAME FROM THE HALLOWEEN AISLE.unnamed-16
  • THIS SIGN ONCE READ “BEWARE OF ZOMBIES”
  • BUT WITH THE HELP OF SOME NOTEBOOK PAPER, A RED MARKER, AND TWO PIECES OF TAPE… LADIES AND GENTLEMEN *CLEARS THROAT*  WE NOW HAVE OURSELVES A CHRISTMAS DECORATION.
  • IT’S ORIGINAL! IT’S ONE OF A KIND! NO ONE WILL KNOW WHERE YOU BOUGHT THIS WORK OF ART! NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND HOW A COLLEGE STUDENT CAN AFFORD SOMETHING SO EXPENSIVE AND HIGH-CLASS!
    unnamed-15

     3) TIS’ THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY (AFTER CASUALLY CELEBRATING THANKSGIVING)!

     I’m sure this blog post saved 1, 2, maybe 420 lives. I hope I have made the holidays a little less stressful for you all!

    Phase One of “How to Holiday” is complete.

     



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