It’s easy to forget the big picture when focused on what’s going on RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW *insert Fatboy Slim*
Liiiiikkkkeee for starters, there’s other countries OTHER than the United States. I mean I am always thinking about the rest of the globe because after an eight hour shift as I am putting my tips in my piggy bank, all I can think about is finally having enough money for a plane ticket.. after working all I can think about is how wonderful it’d be to be lounging in France with some local wine in my hand.. maybe a baguette with it.. maybe a candlelit dinner.. maybe a French dude on the other end of the table.. or actually a cute doggo instead (waaaay easier to please, definitely a cheaper date, etc.)
Okay, okay I will shut up.
& get to the point.
Well, a good pal of mine from the good ol’ high school days paid a recent visit from Brazil. Damn was I stoked to see her. It’s funny because we asked each other the usual “what’s new” question, but soon realized that it had been so long, that even things that happened to me a looonnnggg ass time ago would be new to her ears. Hmm hmmmm where to begin?
But rather than inform you on her & I’s past year, the highs & the lows, the laughs & the tears, I’m just going to let you in on 6 super duper FUN FACTS regarding Brazil. Okay, okay, I’m a liar. I don’t know how fun these actually are, but I find it QUITE interesting, so this is my plead to you to read on. If like 13 of you do, I will rest easy tonight aka fall asleep without having to take a million shots of Nyquil.
- THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY SHIT. As an avocado advocate, connoisseur, enthusiast, I was astonished to discover my pal had no idea what avocado toast was. I MEAN HOLY MOTHA FOOKER WUT IZ DIS???? I overdose on that stuff daily. I’m willing to take out another student loan if it means having avocado toast for breakfast..or lunch..or dinner..or dessert.. or second breakfast. & I sat there in awe as I imagined what Brazil will be like in a few years when that toasty bread is introduced & becomes an insane fad. It will shove the kale obsession to the side as it did here. But it is the first step to world peace (I predict), so what is there to lose????????? Other than your money of course.
- My pal also mentioned how she really wanted to go to a rave here in the U.S. because of how we dress up. PLUR does not really exist in Brazil– there are more underground vibes at their shows. At least their Kandi doesn’t break randomly..beads flying in all directions.. as you watch in pure horror because that clever phrase on your bracelet took you a solid 12 minutes to come up with & another 7 to put together. But lucky for her, I am addicted to glitter (always have some handy & always leaving glitter trails), so she’s talking to the right people. I found it interesting, though, because the festival fashion can identify as its own culture here. Our wild, trippy outfits define the music scene, representing an upcoming group via creativity & insight. Yes, I realize some of us do look completely bizarre, but there is genuine art within these displays.
- Americans will never embrace soccer. I SAID IT. We all know it is true. & this truth hurts. But in Brazil, they halt businesses & business-like matters to watch a match as a country. Sorta of like a 90 minute holiday!!! I don’t know how many people believe in the psychological impact of crowds & fans, but Brazil never falls short of becoming blood brothers for their sports teams. && I’m not saying there is proof that this social psychology REALLY influences the game, but the fact that our men’s soccer team did not even qualify for the FIFA World Cup this year hahahahahh… & then there’s Brazil’s team hahah yuh we suck in comparison. Just a wee bit. Or a lot a bit. Hahahah I am laughing uncomfortably to cover up my shame. Ha. Proof enough for me.
- Brazil outdoes us Americans with flip flops. Yup. Mhmm. Bet you have no idea what I mean by this. All I can tell you is that my pal let me try on her Brazilian flipper floppers & BAM epiphany. I can’t really tell you what was incredible about them, but what I do know is that if I ever travel to South America, I’m paying extra for an empty suitcase to haul a shit ton of those rubber foot wonders back. Don’t think to question me about this. I am telling you, slip those bad boys on, & you’ll transform into Mumbo from “Happy Feet”… or don’t & remain as a glum person in one of those bunion removal commercials. Choice is yours ayyeee.
- Okay, but one decent aspect of the United States is that we have cinnamon rolls here. COME @ US OTHER COUNTRIES. We might be lacking in certain portions of our government, buuuuttt WE HAVE CINNAMON ROLLS. We might be flawed & racist & sexist & just plain out cruel (@-ing every asshole Honda that won’t give me room to move over a lane during rush hour) BBBUUUUTTTT WE HAVE CINNAMON ROLLS. We might have poop politicians, DJ Khalid, annoying Disney stars with computerized singy voices, & our favorite series continually removed from Netflix, BUT. WE. GOT. SOME. CINNAMON ROLLS. YO.
- We don’t have to pay for tap water. So next time you are complaining about the cup of H2O I provided you from my sink. Think twice. Bitch. *Scary Terry voice* But let’s be real here, Brazil still has a better soccer team. So who’s the real winner?
Well everyone, I hope you enjoyed this little blog post here I put together. Not much else to say other than have a great night, stay hydrated, thanks for reading, & good luck with that shitty shift you might have at work tomorrow. Bon Voyage!