documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit


  1. She eats from a trough or so you would think.
  2. She talks in a British accent in her sleep. This actually happened. No joke. We were at a sleepover and let me just say, I was so incredibly grateful that everyone was necked when she started quoting Pirates of The Caribbean. Second-hand embarrassment is real.
  3. Tori goes to the bathroom with the door open. Always. Tori goes to the bathroom when I’m taking a shower. Tori tries to have conversations with me when I am across the hall and she is pissing. I have seen Tori eat a Larabar on the toilet. She pisses everywhere. In just about every front yard, every trail, and every piece of open land, Tori has marked her territory.. the U.S. has some competition am I right.
  4. There’s no such thing as a five second rule. We’ve dropped food at Disneyland and she still viewed it as clean enough to consume. Hotel floors, dorm floors, floor floors, you name it– all you have to do is say “yo Tori, eat it” and she will without hesitation.
  5. I’ve never seen her without socks on. Yes, Tori is that person that wears socks to bed. Try not to judge her too hard pals… okay I honestly can’t make fun of her for this one because I am the same way. Shhhh we know we are weird, but I mean c’mon socks are what make the world go ’round.

Well, thanks for once again wasting your life reading one of my blog posts! I hope you all have gained a new insight on the other half of the Irwin Twins! Just try not to be too mean to her- gingers have feelings too.


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