documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit



Putting together the perfect date to impress the perfect girl is probably more stressful than that time you cried in 15 minute intervals as you frantically tried to teach yourself an entire chapter of math the night before your last test. 

The perfect date requires three things:

  1. originality
  2. thoughtfulness
  3. yet still be affordable

The struggle is too real.

Well, I’m going to need you to wipe those wet cheeks children because I have a solution for you.

I absolutely love coffee dates. The cozy atmosphere, the quality time, & the aroma of roasted coffee beans- don’t even get me started. That’s honestly all it takes to win me over, but I know you all want to amp up your game a bit. To add that extra pizzazz, you need to move the coffee shop to a mountain. Find a nearby trail, pick your date up when the skies are still dark, hike up the mountain, & find a comfortable rock to sit on. & as the sun begins to rise, romantically reveal a hydroflask full of hot (hopefully at least a little warm) coffee. Gracefully pour it in the two most generic mugs you could possibly find in your pantry. Don’t whisper a word, just listen to the sound of you both sipping coffee & the rest of the world waking up. Beautiful, right? If you’re with me, though, you have to add in some sounds of a choking girl because I often take too big of a sip & set my organs on fire. Trust me, it’s a Riley thing.

This morning, I took the perfect girl on the perfect date. It was at 7:01 a.m. that we clicked our coffee cups together & then took a sip. But the sip was not only of coffee, it was a sip of a pink & orange sky. It was a sip of the mountains & cacti shadows that stood in the distance. It was a sip of the four hot air balloons that lined the horizon. It was a sip of the birds that told Arizona it was time to get out of bed.

What a good morning.

Take those you love on cheap dates often. Those are truly the most sincere.

Take her camping in your backyard, take her wine testing on your kitchen floor, take her shopping at the nearest thrift store, take her to that fancy restaurant & just order water, take her for a photo shoot with your disposable camera, take her to a concert in your car with your favorite playlist on blast. The cheaper, the better.

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