You have been diagnosed with perfectionism.
Such a terrible burden on you.
Your symptoms are of the upmost praise. I am sure you were not expecting to hear that. Ambition? That will get you anywhere you desire to go. Perseverance? I admire your drive to push on even when you are handed every reason not to. You show signs of enthusiasm. Inspiration. High engagement. Determination. Productivity. Keenness. Everything that leads to a successful person, a successful career, a successful life. You are an outstanding individual if I might add. So many people in this world will never reach the heights that you will. Their eyes will never see the breathtaking views bestowed by your achievement. You are quite a lucky one. Born with this passion. Born with this fervor. No, actually with this zeal. You have a light in you that others spend all of their hours& days & weeks trying to capture. It is a light that lines your gyri & sulci, making a runway in your brain, allowing new ideas to take off & land effortlessly. Hold on to these sparks. Learn how to use them for the better. It is essential for you to be aware of their weight, their impact. Please, please promise me you will be careful.
But on another note, you are in danger. Some of your most prestige qualities are what will lead you to a rough downfall. It sucks. The traits that give you that signature glow (the majority of people lack) can also lead to the dimmest form of living. Together, they can morph into an extremely addictive substance often referred to as “perfectionism”. It is known for the poison it releases onto the greatest of us. Even after the perfectionism has been addressed & fought off, it simply remains dormant, sort of like a virus. It is not alive, thus it can not be killed. Only controlled. Temporarily put out of business. Perfectionism is not real. Perfectionism has no ending; it is ceaseless. Perfectionism is not defined, but rather it is a place marker for the more. We can always do more. There is always more to our existence. So where do we stop? Where do we cross the finish line & accept that the race is over? How do we know enough is enough when our passion, our determination, our enthusiasm, etc. are screaming on the sideline to keep going? Perfectionism takes hold of reality the same way excessive drinking on a Friday night does. It causes you to lose your sense of proportion, suddenly creating the illusion of invincibility. One more shot. No, just one more shot. A bit more. One more can not possibly do harm…
You have “awoken” from the blackness, only to find yourself having done immense damage to your body. Stomach pump & hospital bills & feelings of being not so “invincible”.
…left wishing you had not lost your consciousness. Regretful.
This is what perfectionism does to a person. This is exactly why you need to be careful. It’s destroyed the best of us. It has put a halt on our dreams that we spent every ounce of our breath on. & for the less fortunate of the bunch, it has completely annihilated our dreams. Permanently out of our grasp now. Nothing is more difficult than having to sit back & reflect on what could have been. What could have been achieved if perfectionism had not blindfolded us from the truth-
that we were enough, we did enough… but it failed to inform us that enough IS enough.
Perfectionism is definitely one the roots to the bitter wrath of “health” (ugh the h-word causes me to cringe more harsh than the moment I found out an emoji movie was in the makes & last week when anchovies were accidentally put on my pizza COM-FRICKIN-BINED). I will leave ya hanging here.. because if I have not yet secured your attention this far in, then I am probably not going to get it later. This is your opportunity to never read my blog again, have a stretch break, or let these words peacefully settle until next time.
I would dig if you read that last sentence with suspense. Or if you pretend it made you eager for part 5!!