documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit



Every diet claims to be the “perfect” lifestyle plan for you.

Every diet has a set of rules & regulations & ideologies.

But every diet is different… they all contradict each other.

& every diet claims to be the “right” one.


Well, today I am calling BULLSHIT.

Let me provide you with an alternative perspective.

Here are a few of my faaavvvoorrriitee diets:

  • Atkins Diet
  • Macrobiotic Diet
  • The Shangri-La Diet
  • The 3-Hour Diet
  • Breatharianism
  • Fruitarianism
  • Candida Theory
  • Elimination/Food-allergy Diet
  • Veganism**
  • The Rice Diet
  • The 5 Factor Diet
  • Zone Diet
  • DASH Diet
  • Blood Type Diet
  • Vegetarianism**
  • The Biggest Loser Diet
  • Modern Naturopathy
  • The Spectrum Diet
  • Overnight Diet
  • Raw Food Diet
  • The Fast Food Diet
  • The Aztec Diet
  • Paleolithic
  • 1500 Calorie Diet
  • The Protein Power Diet
  • Cabbage Soup Diet
  • Tablet and Supplement Diet
  • Traditional Hindu Health
  • Traditional Naturopathy
  • Colorado Diet
  • Classic Chinese Medicine
  • Pizza and Beer Diet
  • South Beach Diet
  • Kosher Diet
  • Runner’s Diet
  • The Morning Banana Diet
  • Medifast Diet
  • Weight Watcher’s Diet
  • The Flavor Point Diet
  • Nutrigenomic Diet
  • The Baby Food Diet
  • The Caveman Diet
  • The Pritikin Principle
  • The Volumetrics Diet
  • Juicing (liquid) Diet
  • The Gabriel Method Diet
  • Mediterranean Diet
  • The Perricone Diet
  • Nutrisystem
  • The Personality Type Diet
  • The Dukan Diet
  • Grape Fruit Diet
  • Sonoma Diet
  • Jenny Craig Diet
  • Park Avenue Diet
  • Slim-Fast Plan
  • Acid-Alkaline Diet
  • Facial Analysis Diet
  • The Virgin Diet
  • The Alpha Male Challenge
  • The Hot Belly Diet
  • Quantum Wellness Diet
  • Montignac Diet Method

Hey, I didn’t copy & paste any of those. I typed each & every single one out to release my anger. That is how serious I am right now ha (unlike the usual Ri we all know & sorta kinda love…tolerate?).

All of these diets claim to be “the one”. Hello??? Guys??? If every single diet is claiming this then why are we still believing them? Someone has to be lying here???

The dieting industry is the only business in the world with a 98% failure rate.

What does that tell you?

It tells me everything.

It tells me that maybe I shouldn’t be devoting all of my time & energy following the instructions of a business that doesn’t want me to be successful– they want my money.

It tells me that maybe I should trust my brain, my body, myself… over a non-human company that clearly has not empathy.

These companies see you as a stat, not as a person.

It tells me that maybe our diets never were the real problem.

Maybe it is that we were told our diets were a problem, so we changed them.

So we forgot what it meant to be mindful. We forgot to trust our own cues & instincts. We were taught that our body was going to hurt us if we gave it the reins. That it would catch us off-guard. We were taught that our bodies are our enemies & need to be controlled & constantly monitored.

Your body is what keeps you alive. How can you not trust it with your life when your body is your life?

But maybe, just maybe, we were okay this entire time.

& we still are okay.

–regardless of what we are brainwashed to think.

Until next time,



**Hello, again. Look, don’t get me wrong. It’s great to be a vegan or vegetarian for moral reasons. I really admire those that do. But there’s a right & a wrong way to do it, & when a diet turns into an obsession then it’s time to reflect on the true reasons behind your choice of lifestyle. We all deserve happiness, thus do what will make you happy, starting with treating your insides & outsides with respect.

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