First impressions are everything. But are they really? What about last impressions? What about the impression YOU made last night when you strolled into the party? Champagne glass resting in your hand. Shoulders back. Posture straight. Graceful gestures. Delicate smile & all. The last idea […]
Gotta love the start of a New Year, right? I mean who doesn’t just adore the idea of being one year closer to death, one glass (more like fifteen glasses) of champagne closer to liver failure, & one more topic (aka your absence of a midnight kiss) to talk about at your next therapy session? Or better yet, the moment the clock strikes 12 & you’re dancing around to Toto as confetti rains down the same way it does in Africa… BAM. The sun suddenly startles your celebration & the woot woot turns into a shit I gotta get my life together.
“No big deal”
“I have 364 more days to figure this poo out.”
That’s what I said on January 1st, 2017.
*downs bottle of Cabernet*
I swear I’m okay, I swear I’m okay.
Okay, back to my point. New Year… NEW ME.
hahahahha I wish.
Here are a few of the BEST resolutions of mine for 2-KAYYYYYYEEEE-18 all compiled together for your convenience. Let me know if they are relatable or inspire you a teeny bit, so I can try to stop this quickly-descending, nearly non-existent self-esteem of mine. *insert desperation* *downs second bottle of Cabernet*
THE LIST (duuuddee clever name– trust me, I know, you don’t have to tell me):
- Do more drugs. Like ugh. Drugs are so damn expensive & with little money coming in, I legit can’t afford anything. But drugs make the world go ’round *pops gummy bear vitamin* & they really release the inner bad ass in all of us *downs cup of Nyquil* *blows alpenhorn RIIIIICCCOOOLLAAAA*
- Make more money. This is in order to facilitate the completion of resolution #1. How to make money? Not quite sure. Probably pawn a couple family relics or something.. we shall see.
- Only make poor decisions during 2018. Therefore, throughout 2019, everyone will be like “Oooohhh ahhhhh woooowww look how much Ri is growing as a person!! Prime example. Wow. Whoa. Hard work pays off! Nice!” & then, I can publish a book about how I overcame my lowest lows & can pretend people will pay to read a book about someone with no significance whatsoever.
- Start an avocado farm. Yes, that is not a typo. No, I am not on drugs (remember I can’t afford them yet). I am just passionate about these treasures of Earth. Do I even have to explain? Why say more when you all know the rest?
- Learn how to change the toilet paper roll thingys. I actually know how to do this, but it always takes like a week for me to finally stop resting it on top of the empty one. I hope to begin this change & inspire others to follow the same path. It starts through leadership & through education of the public… particularly @allcollegemales
- Expose my ears to more loud sounds. If I stand close enough to the speakers at concerts, blow up my tympanic membrane (ear drum), & become completely death, then I no longer have to waste time & money trying to save my hearing via doctor’s appointments, treatments, & medications. At that point, I’m just straight foooooooked! Ri’s lesson to all you kiddos: fook yourself up sooner rather than later in order to save time&money! Genius. Alrighty. *rolls away into sunset*
- Get no sleep at all. None. Nawwhhh-duuhhhh. I already don’t get enough, thus instead of having a bad sleep schedule, I am just going to completely get rid of it! In other words, I can’t have a bad sleep schedule if I don’t have one in general. He. He. The stables have turned now. *rides stallion away into sunset*
Well, those are the good ol’ bunch of resolutions I have in store for this coming year! Feel free to steal some if you want to improve your overall quality of life. Lots of happiness guaranteed.
I am not liable for any injuries or death caused by the dankness of these resolutions.
- & here I find myself, blankly staring into the bathroom mirror
The longer I face myself, the more I question the world. Do you ever wonder why words can knock the wind out of you more aggressively than a blow to the solar plexus (bio major– apologies)?
Where did I go wrong? Was it when I decided to take the long route to class today? When I decided to post that BEAUTIFUL Snapchat of myself with about 4.7 chins (depending on the angle)? Was it when I decided to stop caring about my appearance so much?
Adele may hit some pretty damn high notes.
Joywave’s newest album touches on the idea a bit.
I never really experienced “rumors” when they were at their peak in middle school.
I’ve always perceived them as shitty sitcom plot lines– you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.
But here, standing. Looking over myself as if the answer to all of this confusion was in some dirty, spotted mirror…
I got nothing.
It became clear to me overtime that fire can not be fought with fire.
That anger will only feed the hate.
That despair will only fuel the hostile.
So I wiped away the tears (somewhat hidden with the aid of my handy dandy readers)
It’s choosing to walk out that door without the bullshit weighing me down that made all of the difference.
Last night was one of those bedtime fiascoes that involve you dramatically waking up from nightmares over & over, your heart pounding so terribly hard that you’re afraid to get up, goosebumps covering your body, yet your forehead is quickly heating up..
was it foreshadowing the next morning?
I’m a pretty sensitive girl. Words stick to me. It sucks. & I know many of you know exactly what it’s like. People can be mean. People can be assholes. People can say things you would be better off not hearing. People give weird looks in your direction & when you walk in their direction people might think you look weird. People will leave your brain discombobulated & your heart in a deep ache. People will see your social media posts & determine who you are– deem you as a slut, a prude, a loser, a genius, a wannabe, a not-so photogenic dweeb..& that’s cool.
You do that. You were born with the power to have your own individual thoughts & never would I want to take that away from anyone.
But I think it can’t be stressed enough that we don’t let these thoughts of others impact our lives negatively. These thoughts shouldn’t make us hesitate. They shouldn’t make us think twice. They shouldn’t make us give up the empowerment & self-worth we spent so much energy trying to grasp.
Well, I say:
This might be information coming from someone who still calls her mom balling her eyes out when “MOOOOOMMM EVERYTHING IS COMING TO AN END!!”, but lemme tell yuh, the answer is always:
f u c k i t .
Maybe that’s not inspiring enough for you, maybe it’s not your choice of wording, but damn is it always relevant.
Today, my advice to you pals is to flip off the negativity.
- Scream “FUCK YOU” to all of the obstacles holding you back.
- Buy some sunflowers for your enemies because roses are a little too predictable.
- Hold the door open for the stranger that would not do the same for you.
- Get a wild haircut you know people will disapprove.
- Proudly lift those three pound weights at the gym.
- Buy YOURSELF an entire bottle of cheap pinot noir & down that shit.
- Call your parents & tell them you love them.
- Pay for the coffee of the person behind you in line (maybe even upgrade it to a large).
- Make your bed.
- Pet your friend’s dog (but don’t steal it even though that’s nearly impossible).
- Send your pal that never shows up to class today’s notes.
- Eat the rawest salmonella-infested cookie dough you can find.
- Post that selfie you’re afraid won’t get “enough” likes.
- Talk to the QT you head banged with at a rave.
- Don’t use flash cards during your presentation, use your bad ass charisma instead.
- Wear that fur coat that’s a bit bulky but snazzy af.
- Thank your bus driver on your way off at your stop.
- Choose a few Christmas Angels from Walmart & play Santa Claus for an afternoon.
- Ice your friends who have important business matters to tend to later.
- When you’re driving during rush hour, let that desperate car move over a lane.
- Smile at your friends, at your enemies, at the “nobodies”, at the people who are just “too cool”, at your professors, at the limitless sky, & even at the cracked sidewalk below you..
because to let the negativity overcome you like a virus is only feeding the hate, fueling the hostile, & igniting a fire you never intended to start.
because when times are rough, you just have to lift your chin up, pull back your shoulders, give a nod of your head,
& f u c k i t .
Just some stupid shit that’s taking up storage in the notes on my phone!!
Last night (or should I say this morning???), I suddenly awoke. Staring up at the blank ceiling- the curtains opened & onto the stage poured memories, past emotions, untamed dreams of mine.. So I got up, whether it was because I desperately had to go pee or because I was at the moment inspired to write, the world may never truly know. I pulled up the notes app on my phone.
The cheap chardonnay dances on my lips
oh, how lovely the taste.
& though I’ve swirled the finest of white wines
& have sipped the rarest of red wines,
I will always find more content in that three dollar bottle–
for across the table you sat from me
& your ambiance provided a buzz that the distinguished wines of Amboise never could.
I’m an expert. What more is there to say? Nothing aye. So check out this blog post because I can make your crush tolerate you. If not, you can brawl with me (stool & Irish pub not included) Buuuttt it’s a money back guarantee!
Well, kids. Hello. Hey. Hi. Here’s some thoughts of mine regarding walking. It took a lot of thinking if you can’t tell by my featured image, which is me sitting on a stool, sipping a blueberry milkshake, deep in thought (& possibly staring at a cute dog-o).
A shit ton of sweat.
Quads burning so bad that they are on the verge of spontaneously combusting.
Shooting pain down the neck & back.
Ha. Sorry. But correction.
Permanent damage from C2 to L3 & potentially 4 herniated discs…
& YOUR MOM.
I actually meant shooting needles down the spinal cord 24/7 to the point where you’re unable to get out of bed in the morning because you can’t lift your neck.
Well, that is my opener. That was me setting the stage for you kiddos. Yup. This is part of the rave experience– completely unavoidable in all honesty. When you purchase a ticket, you also purchase an extremely high medical bill. When you print out your ticket, you also print out a referral to your local physical therapy.
& now you all caught me. This is why I am going into the medical field. Ha.
Okay, so the reason I am writing this post today is because raves & concerts in general are survival of the fittest. It’s a battle. We all transform into wild animals willing to eat anyone that gets in the way of our vibes the very second we walk through the doors. So, I’m here to help. I’ve constructed the ABSOLUTE BEST PERF INCREDIBLE training plan to get you fit enough to withstand your next music hootenanny. Yeah mhmm WUT NOW DARWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENIE.
Ri’s Rave Training Plan:
- Train for an ultra marathon. Follow that insane running schedule. It’s all about the mentality, thus if you can run 50 miles with a big smile on your face, then you’ve got this. Then you can make this crowd your bish. *Tori & I repeat “for the rave, for the rave, for the rave” as we make our way around the indoor track (lap 52 if you’re counting)*
- Focus on weight lifting that requires abductor movement. These psychedelic raves are going to make you think you’re getting abducted by aliens, so if you build up some arm strength, the extra tension coming from the spaceship beams will help you float away effortlessly.
- Buti yoga. Sign up. This class is a combination of yoga and hip hop.. trust me when I say if you can stay in a squat position & shake your butt for an hour long class, then you’ve got this.
- Hover over toilets. Okay so we all know public restrooms are our reason for existence. They just bring a light into my life no boy will ever compare to. But damn, people wreck ’em. Like jeeeez, I swear people had to actually put in effort to destroy that stall that badly. Sheeesh. Add it to your resume or something: “Expert at getting my poo to chill on the toilet seat”. Therefore, now is the time to get used to hovering. When you’re exhausted at a concert, the booty muscle memory will have you covered.
- Strengthen that core. If there’s anything I’ve learned from head banging, it’s definitely that you should NEVER use your neck. You’ve got to whip your entire body, throttle it full force, if you want to avoid injury. The trick is to use your stellar abdominal muscles rather than your vertebral column. This sounds quite obvious, but lemme tell yuh, it’s a lot easier said then done. The next day, I still wake up in immense pain & possibly permanent damage, but it could be waaaaaayyy worse. Trust me on this one, though. You won’t regret it. As someone who head bangs in a circle of strangers for 6 hours straight, I do in fact know a thing or two about the art of neck bumpin’.
***Quick side note: It’s smart to train in warm environments at higher elevations, so you can get used to the feeling of not being able to breathe as your body slowly shuts down.
That was my super duper rad training plan. There’s a lot more technicalities in my personal preparation, but I wanted to start you newbies off with the basics. Let me know if you’d like to hire me to be your personal rave trainer– I gotchu.
Yes, I’ve hit rock bottom. So why not make life one giant lame pun & turn to rocks?
You’re officially an adult.
L O L right?
I mean this is my second year of college & I still get anxiety just thinking about going to the doctor without my mom.
’tis rough lemme tell yuh.
Well, on Sunday, Tori & I moved into our new apartment & now we have t-minus 1 week to get our lives together before classes start.
Solid, I’d say. But as for you newbies, incoming Lumberjacks FROM ALL AROUND THE GLOBE (more like Phoenix, SoCal, & Colorado)… I gotchu covered. I’ve compiled a few things that I wasn’t prepared for…a few things that I felt the consequences…a few things that shaped me as a human creature bean forever. Yeeet.
- GUYS. It snows in Flag. Like real snow. Like that stuff you never thought you’d experience first hand. Be ready. It numbs everything it touches, so don’t be alarmed if you can’t feel your nose. When you feel it initially, it’ll definitely be a surreal moment. Capture it. Everyone up here embraces snow like a culture..it’s beautiful– but expensive.
- Okay, okay. Take a deep breath. No, I am not trying to calm you down or help you relax. You NEED to take a deep breath or else you are going to pass out & die….damn elevation…gets me every damn time! No! The elevation not only makes it more difficult to complete simple tasks such as walking up the stairs, running after cute boys, & releasing the bowels, but it also makes you forget to do your homework & causes you to sleep through your alarm (USE THIS EXCUSE FOR YOUR FAULTS. IT NEVER FAILS.) You’ll notice that when you are up at NAU, we tend to blame all of our problems, school-related or not, on either the elevation or RIta Cheng. Chronic bunion pain?? Thanks a lot Rita.
- Is campus too easy for you? Do you know it better than the back of your hand? Is traveling from class to class..I don’t know…a wee bit boring for your wild self??? Well, if you’re ever craving a challenge, then get right on board the Louie Line. I swear that bus will take you everywhere but where you want to go. Kinda like an adventure! Yay! Within minutes, the bus will sporadically switch directions, pop a wheely, & skedaddle your fine self to the other side of town. Rad! &&& voilà YOU ARE COMPLETELY LOST! & if you’re an adrenaline junkie, partake in this quest 15 minutes before class. Trust me, it’ll get your heart racing the same way illegal substances do (the elevation will provide an extra oomph as well).
- Baby butt face. CH CH CH CHIA. Lumberjack face. aka that beard you spent your entire life growing, dedicated countless hours to watching the hairs not grow. Well, I don’t know if it’s the elevation or Rita Cheng, but the second you reach 7000′ BAAAAMMMM. *insert transformation* YOU GROW A BEARD. YOU BECOME A LUMBERJACK. YOUR FACE IS FUR. hahahhah this is a male & female thingy also, so don’t worry my femmes! Scratch that fomo! You’re included in the hair foofaraw too! & if it’s a full moon, not only does your beard demonstrate extreme volume, but you’re outfit automatically turns into a giant flannel & whatever is in your hand will instantly become a hydroflask…with a sticker on it that has AZ with a heart on the location of Flag. Basic bitch. That’s you now.
- If you don’t adore dogs get outta here. No joke. Dogs are in every direction. Flagstaff or heaven?? This is pup central, nuff said. or should I say ruff said? & can’t deal with puns?? Then definitely get outta here. NAU has nothing to do with puns, but I don’t want you killing my lame vibes with your fresh meat judgmental vibes. *insert sass*
You’ve got this. Don’t be nervous kiddos! & if you ever feel out of place, snap the same photo of the Hotel Monte Vista sign that can be found on all those aesthetic instagrams. &BAM. You’re in. You’re accepted. You’re one of us. (I included an example pic above, so you know what I’m referring to)
Good Luck Pals,
Are you with me? Okay, I want you to close your eyes with me on the count of three & as soon as you can’t see a thing, I’m going to ask you to open your mind & see everything. Okay, one, two, thr-wait. CRAP. Scratch that. Open those eyelids, so you can read my post!!
I’m in a coffee shop. Black & no room. There I typed away for 36 minutes. & I’m sure you can figure out what sort of blog post came from another one of my sporadic ((aka unorganized& discombobulated)) revelations….
Is it truly a good idea to read the “insight” of a 19 year old girl who has denied herself the option of ever again watching romantic comedies solely because she’s too afraid of desiring such bliss?
Pathetic, I know.
(I swear I didn’t steal that sentence from an emotional girl on Tumblr… I mean psshhh I have some dignity)
Tori has begged me to watch La La Land with her a million times (no joke), but for some extremely peculiar reason–
I just can’t.
The entire thing makes me sound so dramatic, but I don’t know. This is me attempting to protect myself..from what? Once again, I don’t really know. But I’d much rather grasp ever ounce of happiness than allow it to slip away from my hands.
I find it incredibly challenging to talk about “love”. I don’t understand the concept at all, & as soon as I finally think I know what I am feeling, I then realize I’m a clueless human. Is it the idea of a person bringing me this immense joy? Or is their contagious smile simply fueling my extrovert self? Or is my passion & sense of wonder regarding people disguising itself as romantic feelings?
There are distinct individuals we come in contact with throughout life& by chance our paths crossed at the same time in the same place.. & the potential of making something out of that coincidental encounter was an opportunity well seized. At the moment, we don’t think twice about the small talk exchanged, but the significance of introducing yourself, whether it be with a locked glance or a first name, can not be stressed more.
However, I’m not entirely convinced the whole “love at first sight” shenangbang is legitimate. Yes, our heart rate might suddenly rise & goosebumps might suddenly race along our arms, but this isn’t the result of being “in love”. It’s like a symptom, I guess. Honestly, I think it’s more of a certain curiosity that leaves us staring in awe, quietly intrigued.
There’s a particular kind of love that we experience in the dark. I’m calling it “nocturnal nonsense”. I have yet to find anything more enlightening than having a genuine conversation with someone at night. Without the sun’s rays, one must not use their eyes for sight, but instead they must develop a new method of vision. The answers to the mind-boggling questions we puzzle over aren’t hidden in the world around us, but inside of our bloodstream. & when the darkness takes away the usual escape route, the topic cues, the suggestions on what to say next, we are forced to recognize our own individual, pure thoughts. Vision is established through our authentic voices. When I ask you your favorite color, I don’t want you pointing up at the sky & telling me “blue”. That’s not you. With darkness, you must revive the memory of that turquoise coffee cup with the chipped paint & deterioration you choose to disregard, still placing it on the front of your shelf like a trophy. That’s the nonsense that makes blue your favorite color.
As ridiculous as it sounds, we see the greatest in the places that we can’t see.
& at first, the conversation might taste a bit stale, but I promise you that pulling apart the words of the most complex people.. that’s how you open your third eye. Falling in love is discovering a perspective that you didn’t even know existed.
Falling in love is when a stranger introduces you to yourself.
There I was, strolling the streets, fixed on a particular direction in life, doing my own thing. But someone caught me off guard, making me realize that I’d been walking in circles the entire time. That someone made me feel like I was a foreigner in the town that had kept my heart pumping for 19 years now. The questions they asked to examine who I was as a person– that was how I actually met Riley. When I finally came to terms with the fact that I had so much to learn about myself, I became overwhelmed. I felt neurotic. I felt confused & frustrated, while simultaneously entranced & fascinated. Such feelings are mentally exhausting, but the amount I was taught was immeasurable. Incomparable. Worth it.
The variety of views we can attain without moving an inch is something we don’t take advantage of enough. As I said before, I’m no expert on love, but today I determined that it’s powerful. Probably underestimated often. Probably not recognized often.
& is most clear to our eyes in the dark.
Sorry, but your life is just a plain ol’ rice cake. I can fix it. *insert Holes meme*
Us athletes are extraordinary creatures. We are insane. We are passionate. We are mentally & physically strong. Yet here we find ourselves vulnerable to the limitless horizons.
IT’S A TRAP!
The world is dizzy. I’m surrounded by flashing lights. Kaleidoscope vision. The bass beats against my spine. Stepped on someone’s toes. I swear if you saw me at this moment, you’d think it was raining, but nahhh..sweat galore. Suddenly I’m in the front. The Earth is shaking below my feet. I’m in a circle of strangers now. Head banging. Smiling. Laughing. Jumping. Still sweating. Cardio day.
Damn those dudes were cool.
Tori & I have been to almost every venue, but this was our first encounter with The Pressroom. This was our first time going alone. Just two twingers with a mission to have some sister bonding time & maybe rage a little to high-quality music. Okay, okay, the $20 we had to pay for parking deserves an Anderson Cooper eye roll for sure, but the memories made were worth more than an overpriced parking spot.
When we first arrived, I was somewhat horrified. Inside, I felt like a sardine in-between all of the limp, motionless bodies. I mean c’mon, the crowd was being WAY TOO LAME. At least sway back & forth. Nod your head maybe?? Vibe a teeny bit??? Right on cue, Tori & I both turn heads, simultaneously exchanging looks of disappointment.
REGRETS? Who do you think I am?! Psshhhh. Never. The title was complete BS yo. Even the stupid shit I do doesn’t end up in my closet of skeletons… it ends up being that great story I freak people out with when I first meet them.
“Hi, my name is Riley & I once introduced myself to the same person three times in one night. I once (more like 12 if I’m being completely honest) peed my pants during a track race. I once fell off a wall & landed on a plant in front of everyone. I once referred to my hand modeling gig as a ‘hand job’ to a bunch of adults. & you are?”
If you actually thought for a second that I was going to write a post about my regrets at a rave..
then I just don’t even know what to say..
GOTTA YOLO LYF3 SO HERE ARE 5 RANDOM FLASHES OF TRAP:
- No free refills. This realization brought me back to reality as I stepped out of the crowd completely soaked. Ew. This was worse than the indoor soccer drenches. But even more, oh shit. This meant peeing later was going to be TOO painful. I was parched beyond belief. I finally understood how Patrick & Spongebob felt in Sandy’s Tree Dome. *mumbles ‘water’ in dehydrated Spongebob voice* *takes out student loan* *chugs 9 water bottles*
- Bonding over glitter with random girls.
- *kneels* *ROLLS on ground*
- The exhilaration of lifting up the VIP rope & casually walking under was one-of-a-kind. It was truly an eat or be eaten moment lemme tell ya kiddos. I was exhausted, but no amount of tiredness could keep me from getting a stellar view.
- There we were. Sitting on the wall. & SUDDENLY. whoa. What is that playing????? *Tony, Tori, & Ri Bread, passionately belt out to a remix of “The Black Parade”* It was truly life-changing. I think it really made us all soul sisters (Sorry Tony, but you’re now an Irwin sis)
- *sticks head inside air vent*
- I remember it: lying on the dirt ground next to Tori. We looked up at the non-existent stars (shout out to light pollution). Vibed to the music. Danced our hands around the sky. Camera flash. Someone took a picture of our zombie-like selves. Then out of nowhere, Tori pops up. RAVE FRIENDS. There they were. Standing right above us. & there’s ABSOLUTELY nothing more exciting than running into your pals in the crowd. No exaggeration. You jump &scream& hug & act shocked like you haven’t seen each other since birth.
- *headbanging* *smiling girl taps my shoulder* “Hey, you look like you’re wild &pumped. I’m joining you.”
- *wakes up next day bruised, sore, & with a few black toe nails* *glitters falls out of hair every time I move*
- *hurts to pee next morning* *cringes in intervals* Told ya. hashtag az probs
I’d like to close this with a HUGE thank you to Foothills Sports Medicine. I am currently an intern there & without all of the lovely exercises & anatomy they have taught me, the neck & back pain would have lasted much much muuuuccchhh longer than three days. Much love.
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As most of you know, the other Ir-twin, Tori, is a trained barista who I often take advantage of for free drinks.
“Yeaaahh Tori um yeah I am definitely visiting you because I miss you! Not for the dirty chai..WITH ALMOND MILK by the way.”
Well, everyday she comes home with intense stories composed of heartbreak, triumph, & deception. It blows my mind how wild those aesthetically-pleasing coffee shops can get.. like damn, you hipsters are animals sometimes. Today, Tori is with us to inform you all on the absolute BEST ways to ruin a barista’s life. Everyone put your hands together for
the one, the only, Tori!
*audience puts hands together*
Sooooo, stay tuned if you are down for some enlightenment…
“Aye Tori, so what pisses you off at work?”
-When people don’t know how to tip.
“But I mean like regarding coffee?”
-When people bring their coffee shop chain shit into MY coffee shop. They can get the hell off my territory. *snaps fingers in z-formation* That Unicorn Frappe & that Caramel Annihilator can get outta my swamp.
“What else drives you insane?”
-Here’s what drives me insane: when people want latte art & order anything but whole milk. End of story. (Tori explained to me later that it’s nearly impossible to do art on milk that lacks fat).
-When people ask for decaf espresso. It’s survival of the fittest; people who cannot handle caffeine will eventually die out. The sooner, the better.
“How does it make you feel when I leave all of my food scraps & napkins & other junk in your dishware tub (even though the trash can is like 2 feet away) & then casually make a run for it?
-Grateful. Now I get to lather myself in your food scraps. Thanks for the soggy moisturizer.
“Tell me a few of your triggers yo…”
-Odd numbers. When people order espresso shots in odd numbers. We only pull in doubles. Way to make my life complicated.
-When people yell at me because their computer is a piece of shit & won’t connect to the wifi.
“@ me next time.”
-When costumers complain about the price off coffee…”It’s sooo expensive!!!!” Well, no kidding, that’s why I got a job here. Cheap coffee? Try McCafe or Dennys. Sincerest apologies.
“What’s the worst coffee drink a person could order? Yuh know, just in case we are ever about to brawl & I need to low key get back at you.”
-Iced Cappuccinos. Mostly because they don’t exist. Stop with the orders.
“I will remember to request that next time. Don’t you worry.”
“Last question. This is a personal one. How many cups of coffee do you drink per day? Is it a necessity? Does it dilate your pupils & give you a rush like no other? Since your constantly surrounded by such an addicting substance, have you lost control yet?”
-I am a slave to coffee. The smell of my pee is a great indicator of that. It has the power to manipulate me more than any other drug known to man…luckily it’s legal. Waiting on my intervention. Come at me withdrawal headaches. I already have migraines so these are going to be petty.
PSA: The Tori Irwin loves her customers and loves customer service and loves everyone despite their lack of coffee knowledge. She requested I inform you all that shitty customers only make her appreciate the good ones more. She also requested that you all should come visit her at work.
47 minutes spent sitting at my computer + sipping Colombian coffee (after my whopping 48 hour cleanse from coffee) + people watching at Elevate Coffee Company (no dogs sighted sadly) + numb legs that fell asleep because I was cross-legged on the floor (had to stay in reach of the plug) = this. See I am still pretty okay at math after not taking it for over 2 years now. Ya man.
HOW TO WIN OVER THE HEART OF THAT GIRL YOU LIKE BUT AREN’T SURE IF SHE LIKES YOU BACK SO YOU DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO TAKE A RISK & MAKE A MOVE OR INSTEAD JUST WAIT A BIT LONGER TO SEE HOW THINGS GO TO AVOID MAKING A COMPLETE FOOL OF YOURSELF BUT IT REALLY SUCKS BECAUSE WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO DAMN COMPLICATED
Every diet claims to be the “perfect” lifestyle plan for you.
Every diet has a set of rules & regulations & ideologies.
But every diet is different… they all contradict each other.
& every diet claims to be the “right” one.
Well, today I am calling BULLSHIT.
Let me provide you with an alternative perspective.
Here are a few of my faaavvvoorrriitee diets:
- Atkins Diet
- Macrobiotic Diet
- The Shangri-La Diet
- The 3-Hour Diet
- Candida Theory
- Elimination/Food-allergy Diet
- The Rice Diet
- The 5 Factor Diet
- Zone Diet
- DASH Diet
- Blood Type Diet
- The Biggest Loser Diet
- Modern Naturopathy
- The Spectrum Diet
- Overnight Diet
- Raw Food Diet
- The Fast Food Diet
- The Aztec Diet
- 1500 Calorie Diet
- The Protein Power Diet
- Cabbage Soup Diet
- Tablet and Supplement Diet
- Traditional Hindu Health
- Traditional Naturopathy
- Colorado Diet
- Classic Chinese Medicine
- Pizza and Beer Diet
- South Beach Diet
- Kosher Diet
- Runner’s Diet
- The Morning Banana Diet
- Medifast Diet
- Weight Watcher’s Diet
- The Flavor Point Diet
- Nutrigenomic Diet
- The Baby Food Diet
- The Caveman Diet
- The Pritikin Principle
- The Volumetrics Diet
- Juicing (liquid) Diet
- The Gabriel Method Diet
- Mediterranean Diet
- The Perricone Diet
- The Personality Type Diet
- The Dukan Diet
- Grape Fruit Diet
- Sonoma Diet
- Jenny Craig Diet
- Park Avenue Diet
- Slim-Fast Plan
- Acid-Alkaline Diet
- Facial Analysis Diet
- The Virgin Diet
- The Alpha Male Challenge
- The Hot Belly Diet
- Quantum Wellness Diet
- Montignac Diet Method
Hey, I didn’t copy & paste any of those. I typed each & every single one out to release my anger. That is how serious I am right now ha (unlike the usual Ri we all know & sorta kinda love…tolerate?).
All of these diets claim to be “the one”. Hello??? Guys??? If every single diet is claiming this then why are we still believing them? Someone has to be lying here???
The dieting industry is the only business in the world with a 98% failure rate.
What does that tell you?
It tells me everything.
It tells me that maybe I shouldn’t be devoting all of my time & energy following the instructions of a business that doesn’t want me to be successful– they want my money.
It tells me that maybe I should trust my brain, my body, myself… over a non-human company that clearly has not empathy.
These companies see you as a stat, not as a person.
It tells me that maybe our diets never were the real problem.
Maybe it is that we were told our diets were a problem, so we changed them.
So we forgot what it meant to be mindful. We forgot to trust our own cues & instincts. We were taught that our body was going to hurt us if we gave it the reins. That it would catch us off-guard. We were taught that our bodies are our enemies & need to be controlled & constantly monitored.
Your body is what keeps you alive. How can you not trust it with your life when your body is your life?
But maybe, just maybe, we were okay this entire time.
& we still are okay.
–regardless of what we are brainwashed to think.
Until next time,
**Hello, again. Look, don’t get me wrong. It’s great to be a vegan or vegetarian for moral reasons. I really admire those that do. But there’s a right & a wrong way to do it, & when a diet turns into an obsession then it’s time to reflect on the true reasons behind your choice of lifestyle. We all deserve happiness, thus do what will make you happy, starting with treating your insides & outsides with respect.
I love you. Was that too soon? I apologize if so. But here I am. Here I am sitting cross-legged in a coffee shop, sipping my 12 oz black coffee (as you might have expected), & reflecting. ‘Tis what I do. & I am sure […]
You know, it makes me really sad to see so many posts about failed diet & work out attempts & the unhappiness that has come with dedicating all of one’s time to this supposed “lifestyle“. *Anderson Cooper eye roll* Anyone who knows me well, knows […]
Becoming healthy is the most unhealthy thing I’ve ever done.
Low blood pressure. Check.
No diseases. Check.
Normal cholesterol. Check.
Low heart rate. Check.
Not overweight. Check.
20/20 vision. Check.
Adequate sleep. Check.
Did you eat your fruits and vegetables today? Check.
Hello, my name is Riley & I was very ill.
& I’ve made the decision to remove the h word from my dictionary.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed a maturation of my language. Words such as “fuck” and “shit” have secured themselves permanent spots into my everyday vocabulary. These words simply enhance my sentences and descriptions by changing a phrase from “that was rad” to “that was fucking rad”. No harm. No damage done. They just further my point. However, the h word, which is considered socially acceptable, has destroyed my life. It manipulated me. It used me. It stole the real, genuine happiness from my smile. But the h word is good right? I don’t get in trouble when I say it at school. It’s okay if I use it when talking to younger kids. They don’t sensor it out on television. How harmful can it really be then? But here is the part that scares me. When people don’t know who the enemy is, we are left vulnerable to it. We were cast the role of the victim. We can’t fight an evil power that we don’t know exists. The ignorance we all share keeps us from looking for this affliction. It’s why we still perceive the h word as completely innocent. It’s why we use it to describe a noun positively. Its destructive nature remains surreptitious, lurking in our shadows, while simultaneously it’s reflected in our mirrors. But maybe it’s our perception that is the real problem. We choose not to see it. It’s what we were taught, it’s what we have suffered for, it’s what we devoted our time & energy to. The blood, sweat, & tears we endured need to be worth something; but what if I told you that it actually hurt you? Would you think I’ve gone absolutely mad & remain in denial? And if you do choose not to see it, will others do the same?
“Healthy” is not healthy.
This is my exposition.
Yes, college in fact changes us children emotionally & mentally. Some of us experience transformations- sometimes in the upward direction of maturity & sometimes in the downward direction towards our graves (foreshadowing a young, imminent death). But what about the physical aspect????? Would you like […]
Finals are here. & I am out. Yuh feel me? ‘Tis a rough period for most college students. I’m guessing your semester-long disillusionment is fading and you’re finally sober enough to realize your grades aren’t as superb as you last remember? Maybe you’re in a […]
My favorite part about California? Awhh thanks for asking. Well, to answer that question even though no one actually cares about my answer, I’d just like to say it’s the ride there. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know that sounds so god damn weird, but I promise there is some logic to that madness.
I mean ever since I arrived to college without car keys connected to my lanyard, a piece of me has been missing. I’ve grown a new appreciation for my Kia Soul- one that stems from deep separation anxiety. I feel like most college students who were forced to leave their family, pets, and cars back home know what pain I am talking about. I could go on and on about the “it’s complicated” relationship status I have with my Soul, but I figured the few readers that are still clinging on to this post would stop reading if I did.
So over spring break, my friends and I made a spontaneous trip to California (shout out to brother Jake for letting us couch hop & for providing breakfast & for taking us to see llamas). And after a life-changing drive there (that I may have already taken a million times but I’m pretending this one was somehow mind-alteringly different), I’d like to give an insight on how to properly travel to your SoCal destination.
- Cheap coffee. You can’t drive anywhere further than 23 minutes away without a blazing hot cup of shitty gas station coffee in your hand. **Bonus points if you can enter the freeway without spilling it on yourself.
- Your car needs to come with a professional DJ. Example pictured below:
- Make the “HEYYY HAYYY!!!” joke. Again. And again. Keep saying it at least until you start receiving death threats from the other passengers.
- Hover your butt over one of them fancy rest stop toilets. And let it all out. Release the hounds. Empty the chambers. You’ve gotta make it for another 720,4381 miles after this.
- Look for the mountain shaped like a nipple. I was going to put a picture, but it’s one of those natural wonders with beauty an iphone simply can’t capture. I’m not sure it’s actual name, but when you see it, trust me, you’ll know. It’s pretty rad.
- Smuggle fruit across the border because you’re such a BAD ASS. You can’t be tamed.
- Play the Jurassic Park theme music as you pass the famous dinosaurs that have been making all of us excited since we popped out of the womb.
- Yell every curse word/ sentence enhancer you can think of as you cut cars off and accidentally drive on toll lanes.
- And as the beach comes into eyesight, put The Kooks on shuffle, roll the windows down, & embrace the gifts of humidity &frizzy hair.
Tah-Dah! WE HERE.
Do you ever make spontaneous decisions? I know for a fact that you know the insane ideas I am talking about. We all have them. But the question is… do you ever follow through with them? Well, my friends and I are crazy. Soooo we often […]
The chaos of college is thrilling; finally having the ability and the power to take any path without having to ask permission first is something that never gets old. We are always warned to not let the freedom get to our head, but here we […]
A new year brings many new goals for people, most of which will be forgotten about within a week or two. I mean life is unpredictable & time is something we all could use a little more of, so I don’t blame anyone for trashing them. Furthermore, I’ve come to notice that a great deal of people make their new year’s resolution to “be healthy”. But what does that even mean? What is “healthy”? Without a proper definition, how can anyone expect to achieve such? Well, I’ll let you in on a secret of mine. The word “healthy” makes me cringe. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. You might be wondering why? The answer is insanely complicated, but I can begin by introducing you to the key issue. The entire idea of proper “health” is equivalent to a pile of dog shit. How society defines health is extremely UNHEALTHY not only physically, but also emotionally and socially. And I am tired of lie after lie (that promotes unhappiness) being disguised as the “perfect lifestyle” that any decent human is convinced they should adhere to. And the people who don’t follow these rules are deemed failures. Therefore, my goal for 2017 is to completely remove the word “healthy” from my vocabulary. I know I probably sound a bit crazy right now, but I promise I will explain later. ((hint hint- there may be an upcoming video series describing the madness behind my goal, so prepare yourself children)) As of this moment, though, I want to leave you thinking about the word “health” from a different perspective- try to see the dark side of it. What if we all decided we no longer want to be healthy? Because lurking there is something more than meets the eye, & to discover this would result in a revolution against all we’ve been taught.
Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation. Or it could be the excessive black coffee in my veins. Or maybe it was that philosophy class I attended one time before switching out. I have no idea why I am typing this blog post. I do know that […]
It was on January 23rd that I celebrated my birthday– hold up– whoa whoa whoa– but wait a minute.. “Riley’s birthday isn’t on January 23rd… it’s on May 21st.”
The story takes place this past winter break. Riley, a fashion enthusiast, seized a few good sales on a few very good dresses. However, she never ended up having a reason to dress all fancy smancy while back home. Wow. Sad. Hard life. First world problems.
Sorry folks, but it doesn’t end quite yet.
The story continues back at NAU. Riley was casually eating a spinach wrap at the Hotspot for lunch one nippy Thursday afternoon. And don’t get me wrong, that wrap was fiiiinnee. It was dammmnn finnneee. Yet she suddenly developed an immense craving for something more.. but what…what could possibly be more than this??? And then it hit her. She needed some god damn Wildflower.
And what do you know, there’s a part three.
The story once again continues on when Riley sees her gorgeous friends and realizes that their kind souls deserve an opportunity to dress up all nice, go out for a nice meal, and just have a nice time together.
But Riley couldn’t think of any special occasion to celebrate.
Okay, so this is the climax. Eh, it’s not very exciting. *insert hype* This is the part when I improvised. I decided it was the perfect time to have the birthday dinner I always say I am going to have, but never do. And pals, 10/10 recommend celebrating your birthday whenever you feel like it. My purpose wasn’t to celebrate myself (I mean it wasn’t a typical party with presents and party favors), but instead to make some high-quality memories with some high-quality people. But don’t get me wrong, this is the first birthday I’ve ever celebrated alone, without my metaphorically Siamese (not by choice clearly) twin racing to blow out the same candles as me. But, back to the point, it was the perfect excuse to dress snazzy, enjoy a dinner that’s a slight upgrade from campus crap, and live life on the edge (or should I say veg?? LOL that wasn’t funny I will stop now) by driving in the blizzard that’s been plaguing Flagstaff for about four days now.
And yes, we had a great time. I told a worker (not going to say his name because I know my blog is so famous that those Wildflower corporate personnel might see this) that it wasn’t actually my birthday and after whispering “shhhh”, he let me pick out a slice of cake. Shout out to him.
But all in all, this is one of my few blog posts that actually have somewhat of a purpose. If you want to go out & do some shenanigans, whether it be 4 in the afternoon or 4 in the morning, don’t hesitate. You don’t need a reason to enjoy yourself. & if you really want an excuse, follow my lead, & decide that today is the lucky day. Today is the day you are choosing to celebrate your birthday.
Happy Birthday! I hope it is a memorable one!! xo
Once again, Ri is writing a pointless blog post about random ass thoughts that hopefully at least make a little sense?? (Be an angel please & ignore any bad grammar or typos) Isn’t it funny the way people can affect us without even trying? Or how […]
My intro can be summed up with: read on if you feel like it. Okay, admit it. We all have girl crushes. I am not talking about a random “flawless” girl you saw on Instagram who immediately makes your entire body fill with jealousy. I’m […]
HEY PALS! How’s it going? As winter break comes to a close for many of you kids, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc. are being filled with indie video after indie video. Well, even though “if you’ve seen one video you’ve seen them all”, you should still waste your time (2 minutes and 31 seconds more or less) watching Tori and I’s winter break film (I said “film” because that makes it sound artsy). It will be worth it- I promise! Okay, I lied. I can’t promise you that. But whatever. Those 2 minutes and 31 seconds are bound to be wasted anyways. So why not waste your life, while simultaneously making some twingers smile? I can never repay you all for that sort of sacrifice. Try not to comment too much hate.
Here’s the link:
The Irwins Go Indie- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZkKhVxfuDU&t=1s
After moving to Flagstaff 6 months ago, I discovered a new dream of mine. It was inspired by the plethora of dog & owner dates I’d watch every Saturday morning through a window at Macy’s European Coffeehouse. I suddenly knew what I wanted in life. I […]
Yes, I am passionate about a few too many things- but is it really that bad to find yourself fascinated by everything &very enthusiastic about life? I honestly don’t think so. Maybe I’m just trying to convince myself that I am somewhat normal. Who knows. […]
Before you judge the pizza for being green, you need to try it first. I mean isn’t that the polite thing to do?
I always see such creative recipes on Pinterest, so I pin them. Buuuttt rather than attempt those recipes, I end up just staring at a bunch of pins every time I go on and continually tell myself “someday I will make this”. Well, I finally decided that “someday” shall be December 26th. && I recruited my assistant chef, Tori (you might know her as the other Irwin).
Tori and I decided to go for the broccoli pizza crust because it sounded pretty basic (the only ingredients being broccoli, eggs, cheese, and some spices). To take it even further (since go big or go home am I right), we wanted to try the “green pizza”, which is made up of only green items such as pesto, green peppers, spinach, arugula, and avocado. Green is a cool color, especially to us Irish folk.
When I cook, though, I can’t help but take short cuts. I tend to skip ingredients deemed ‘not important enough’ (by my judgement) or change around steps to make it easier. Obviously, this results in a lot of disasters, but I honestly haven’t learned at all from those mistakes, thus still take short cuts every time. In this instance, I decided to not use a food processor to chop up the broccoli, but instead use my hands (I washed them well first, don’t worry). My excuse: I just moved and didn’t know where the processor was and was too hungry to waste time looking.
I realize ‘green’ is often perceived as ‘gross’ or is associated with health-conscious, wannabe alternatives that taste like cardboard. PLEASE PEOPLE do not make the mistake of assuming you won’t like this because it’s green. I can not stress that enough! ((Not to mention, there is cheese in the crust sooo there actually are more colors than just green in the pizza shhhh))
I am really excited to try making cauliflower crust and quinoa crust someday (hopefully someday soon) because I absolutely love pizza. And what better way to express that fiery passion than by playing around with a variety of homemade recipes? Annnnddd if anyone would like to join Tori and I with this pizza party adventure fun, feel free to drop by. Orrrr we can just go buy some pizza together instead.
December 24th 5 P.M. Christmas has officially started (regardless of what the calendar says). December 24th 5:01 P.M. The anticipation is here- this is when it truly begins. December 24th 6:49 P.M. It’s tradition at my house to open one present this evening, but “just […]
Hello everyone. I’ve been using my blog to put down a lot of my random thoughts lately, so I apologize if anyone is annoyed! But when new obstacles & challenges block my path, words tend to come easy to me. And by writing them out, […]
If you know me than you most definitely know that any well-trained doctor would diagnose me with an extreme case of the giggles. Or that I can’t keep a straight face for more than .2 seconds (the frowning Snapchat filter is the only way I can do longer). Or that I am that stranger who smiles at all of the people giving me death stares or avoiding eye contact when walking to class. I know I am weird. But I swear this smiling thing has made me overall a more positive person. So today, I want to give you 11 reasons to smile (10 is just way too mainstream of a number):
- It’s only Saturday, so guess what? One more day to sleep in, relax, hang out with your friends, and one more day to procrastinate studying for finals (smile because you are screwed and accept that).
- There’s so much great music being released. Go on Spotify and listen to all of the new albums that have come out these last few months. There are some on there to die for. No joke.
- Incredibles 2 is in the making. This is incredible news (puns am I right). We all know we’ve been waiting our whole lives for this moment.
- Chocolate chip pancakes exist. Annnndddd IHOP and Denny’s are open 24 hours, so whether you want pancakes now or at 2:54 a.m., they are within reach.
- Google “Obama and Biden bromance”. You will smile I promise.
- New Girl is on Netflix. And lets be real, that show will bring you lots and lots of smiles. Especially if Winston’s cat is on the episode you’re watching.
- It’s the weekend and that means this is the time when Costco has the MOST and BEST samples. HELL FRICKIN’ YEAH.
- I want you to think about your pet right now, whether it’s a dog, cat, or iguana. I bet you $10 (which I do not have btw) that you smiled.
- Remind yourself what you looked like in middle school.
- It’s almost Christmas. Do you realize in 15 days you are going to be able to watch A Christmas Story ALL DAY LONG. #winnerwinnerchickendinner #didshejustsaythat #howembarrassing #blamingmyweirdnessonthealtitude
- Your smile is contagious. That should be the reason you smile.
Look, I sincerely apologize if I didn’t make you smile. But heeeyyy I’d prefer that you pretend something in this blog post made you smile (even if it was a smile because you feel bad for me). Then I can go to sleep tonight thinking I accomplished something this fine Saturday. I mean the most productive thing I did today was either changing the toilet paper roll or remembering to take my vitamins, so I’d appreciate the help.
Hi, what’s up guys? So today I was waiting outside an office for a meeting and all of a sudden I felt the need to rant. But I had no one to rant to (unless you count the receptionist, but I didn’t want to interrupt […]
Okay so yes Christmas is about a lot of things- love, appreciation, family, cookies… But lets face it. We can’t act like Christmas has nothing to do with presents (as much as our grateful selves try to convince everyone). Presents are one of my favorite […]
People are obsessed with food. We talk about food, we bond over food, we take pictures of food and post them for the world to see, we read about food, we wear food, we personalize our food, we fight over food beliefs. But what if I told you the one thing we are so sure is about food is actually not? Would you be surprised to hear that an eating disorder is not all about food? That maybe you who is considered “normal” is more obsessed than someone with a disorder? Because that is what I am going to tell you right now.
I got a lot of great feedback regarding the depression (Dear Depression) and the bully (My Bully) post, so I thought I’d go for Round 3 with another friend of mine:
How long have you had an eating disorder?
-Since I was 11, but it has come in phases.
So you’ve had periods in your life when it hasn’t been active?
-Yes. Certain ages it was worse than others. When I was younger, I did not even know I had one; I thought my behaviors were normal. I literally stretched an unflattering picture of me on photoshop, printed it out, and hung it on my wall to serve as “motivation” to eat less and exercise more. I was only in sixth grade and I thought there was nothing strange about this.
What disorders have you been diagnosed with?
-Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Anorexia Athletica, Body Dysmorphia
Would you consider yourself healed?
-I can be considered healed if you look at my actions. However, psychologically it’s something I can never fully recover from. Sometimes this is difficult to accept, but I have to remind myself that this is my reality.
Can you explain a little more of what you mean by that?
-My eating disorder is sneaky. I may feel perfectly healthy and fine, but subconsciously be falling into my behaviors again. I might not realize that the runs I go on have grown longer and the time I spend eating has shortened. Or that I am choosing lower calorie foods at restaurants and reading all the nutrition labels at the grocery store. There is this voice in the back of my mind that constantly haunts me–it makes me believe my clothes are getting tighter and my athletic performance is weakening. One word to describe it: shitty.
Are there any stigmas you’d like to put an end to?
-I wish I could put an end to the idolization of eating disorders. People assume that you do not have a disorder if you are not extremely underweight and think you are fat. In fact, most insurances will not pay for treatment unless you are a certain percentage underweight, which is absolutely ridiculous. It disgusts me that people congratulate others who lose a significant amount of weight and call them an inspiration, simply because their starting weight would be considered “a few extra pounds” or “improvable”. I started at an average weight and people complimented my body as I began to shed pounds, and unknowingly encouraged a premature death for me. I cannot be angry with people for being ignorant…I just want them to understand that unhealthy weight loss is unhealthy weight loss, regardless of what you look like.
What is your opinion on society’s perception of eating disorders?
-Society does not truly understand what an eating disorder is. It is about so much more than weight and food–it’s about control, trauma coping, genetic susceptibility, etc. I used my eating disorder as a comfort; it gave me a sense of control and security. In fact, it gave me a sense of superiority and false confidence. Thus, telling me I am skinny and saying all I have to do is eat to solve my problems is honestly quite humorous. If only it were that simple–I would not have had to spend 45 days impatient. An eating disorder is an addiction, but unlike drug addicts and alcoholics, I cannot stay dry. I have to face my addiction…at least 6 times a day. I do not expect perfection, I just want society to not be so narrow-minded. You can say the words “fat” and “throw up” in front of me…you can invite me to get pizza…you can make a joke about weight. I am a human, not an illness.
And one more thing:
-To anyone who is struggling with an eating disorder, think you might be, or know someone who is, push for treatment. It might be the greatest challenge of your life, but if you even want a life, it is vital. I did not realize how exhausting every day was for me–both mentally and physically–until I accepted help. You are capable and you deserve recovery.
In order to complete the transition from high school wannabe to kool kollege kid, every individual must make a purchase that is normally between $25 and $40 (no, this is not including the cost of tuition). This purchase is how one can finally feel like […]
Warning: There are high levels of sarcasm throughout this blog post. Please proceed with caution. Well guys, it is still holiday time!!! And I still have no money!!!! I am sure many of you can relate (or at least are cautious spenders). Once again, I […]
Outside was basically a hurricane. I am a foreigner to all weather conditions other than dry heat, so I’m probably being a little dramatic. I apologize for this. But I guarantee it was at least sprinkling. I met with an old friend for coffee. At first we partook in small talk, but just like any old friend, we soon resumed the deep conversations that decorated our (what feels like forever) past. Our talk eventually shifted to the subject of bullying and how my friend had experienced that as a child. After hearing her story, I thought a bit. I received a large amount of good feedback after posting a blog from a friend’s perspective of depression, so I decided to do this again. This time from the perspective of an old friend of mine who had once dealt with a bully:
“When people hear the word ‘bully’, they imagine that big, bulky boy who takes a victim’s lunch money while simultaneously shoving him to the ground. When other people hear the word ‘bully’, they think of the pretty blonde girl who coughs the word ‘slut’ as she sashays around her victim. My bully did not follow this stereotype. My bully was another girl in my class. She didn’t have very many friends. Even I was more of a classmate to her than a friend. I don’t remember how it started. I just remember her forcing me to do what she said. I remember my bully telling me I wasn’t allowed to hang out with my best friends. I remember my bully grabbing on to my leg, refusing to let go, and threatening to cry if I moved a muscle. She gave me rules I had to follow. She’d quiver her lip or give me dirty looks if I didn’t comply perfectly. The guilt I felt was unbearable. She always painted me out to be a bad person. And I cried. A lot. She told me I wasn’t allowed to see any of my friends anymore (except for her). She isolated us. When I’d try to run away, she’d grip one of my limbs hard, then drag me even further from civilization. I was often overwhelmed and afraid. I remember going home from school because I was sick one afternoon. When I returned the next day, I found her wearing my jacket. I remember my bully slowly walking over to me, then dropping in my hand a broken teddy bear, a cheerio, and an old chewed pencil. To a nine year old this is plain horrifying. Honestly, this is still horrifying to me. I tried to reach out to my friends for help, but I was alone. No one understood the slave I had become to this girl. I remember my teacher sent us both to the counselor because we were supposedly having “friend problems” (this was after I was found hiding in a bathroom stall from her). I remember the tears that fell down my cheek as I begged the counselor to help me. To please make her stay away from me. To please protect me. I explained to the counselor how fearful I was to go to school. I explained to her everything that had gone on. The counselor comforted me, then said it sounded like we needed a week apart. She reminded me that all friends have problems every now and then. I cried more. After the session, my “friend” didn’t leave me alone. It was as if the counselor had never spoken to her. All was the same except this time I saw myself as overreacting. The teachers thought it was no big deal, so maybe I was the cynical one. And I remained sad, silent, and confused. Thank God for summer break. Thank God I changed schools next year.
I never recognized her actions as bullying. No one else did, so why would I? I didn’t write my story down to entertain you, but rather to inform you. Harassment is bullying. Just because a bully isn’t an identical copy of a bully in a movie, doesn’t mean the victim’s case is illegitimate. Intimidating, dominating, tormenting, harassing, tyrannizing, pressuring, and forcing are all forms of bullying. Don’t take this story as a reason not to go to teachers or adult figures for help. You should never have to suffer through bullying alone, so it is essential to reach out to others. However, I do want you to realize bullying can be under the radar. It can initially appear as part of the cycle of “friendship” as mine did. Regardless of who the bully is, where it’s taking place, or if anyone else is reacting, IT IS STILL WRONG. Never forget that.”
Before parting ways, my old friend mentioned the importance of the word “my” in front of the word “bully”. Every bully is different; we can’t categorize them as one. We don’t want people walking the streets with these stereotypes engraved in their heads, completely oblivious to the victims out there with the not-so-typical circumstances.
Warning: There are high levels of sarcasm throughout this blog post. Please proceed with caution. It is officially the most wonderful time of the year! It was all fun and games until I opened up my wallet only to find a few coins, a Forever […]
Most people refer to me as “crazy” because I run on my own will and I FRICKIN LOVE IT. I wasn’t born a runner. I wasn’t born with this magical desire to run. I am not a “natural” at running either. Don’t get me wrong, those […]
Three cheers if you hate writing essays! Three cheers if you used to like writing until school happened to you!! Three cheers if you used to like writing until your teacher pointed out all the reasons your paper sucks!!! Three cheers if your teacher would mark me down for my horrible grammar!!!! Hell yeah!!!! The item featured this week entails writing, but I promise it is minimal, meaningful, and most definitely gets an A+ on my scale of greatness. What’s unique this week? It is the amazing…..GRATITUDE JOURNAL! Yay!
- When you’re having one of those days. That’s as far as my description goes because everyone knows what I mean when I say one of those days. Sometimes writing down a few things your grateful for can totally transform your attitude. It’s the little things in life that really count in the end! Also, it is just as aesthetically pleasing as it sounds. Write it when you are drinking your aesthetic tea in your aesthetic mug on your aesthetically white bed sheets in the morning and you can post about it on your aesthetic Instagram page.
- This is not demanding at all. Trust me, as soon as I became a college student I suddenly caught this virus that makes me extremely lazy and unwilling to do anything unnecessary. Sooooo writing a few bullet points of what I am grateful for is basically effortless (it requires little brain power), yet still has such a strong impact.
- There are always things to do, places to go, and people to see. We all get caught up in ourselves and forget to step back once in a while. We forget to look at the big picture. Being reminded of what we are grateful for is the perfect way to come out of our caves and see more than our temporary problems and materialistic ideas.
- All you need is 20 seconds of insane cour- JUST KIDDING. You actually only need about 10 seconds to jot down a few grateful thoughts. (You can’t use your insanely busy and important life as an excuse anymore. Sorry.)
- Admit it. Each and every one of us has hopelessly attempted to write a diary and have miserably failed. Well, this is your moment of redemption via gratitude journal. Except this time you won’t have to deal with a sore hand as you struggle to turn your as average as average can possibly be day into a soap opera.
You can buy an actual gratitude journal or be your creative self and make your own out of a $1 notebook. I believe in you. You got this. Thanksgiving is coming up.. GET AHEAD OF THE GAME
As many of you know, last May (18th birthday yay adulthood!!) I got my first tattoo! The amount of comments I’ve gotten since then… ha ha there’s been a whole lot. I’ve been asked why I have a pear on my leg. I’ve had people […]
One of my favorite things to throw on before walking out the door is definitely a flannel! I have a variety of colors and styles and it takes like 0 seconds to find one that will match my outfit (because they match EVERYTHING). I buy […]
Hey everyone!!!! Today is Dylan’s 19th date of birth soooooo SHOUT OUT TO HIM!! 21 years away from living in the White House! Instead of hurling a million page biography of our last two and a half years together at you all, I’m just going to keep it short and simple! BUH-BAM:
It all started out with a tweet. I was having a crappy day & just like any normal sophomore would do, I turned to Twitter so I could vent to my closest strang- I mean friends. (That was sarcastic by the way). Well, my dramatic self who swore the world was coming to an end tweeted “I give up”. Pathetic, I know. Honestly, it must have not been that bad of a day because I can’t even remember why I was upset. Probably a first world problem that my current self would respond to with a “smh” or for the less text savvy “shaking my head”. Then *insert holy music* IT HAPPENED. Some random dude from twitter (well not completely random since we went to the same school) DMed me & talked to me until I could find a reason not to give up. Yes, I know. This is soooooo incredibly cheesy especially since it was over twitter, but I swear one day it will inspire a Nicholas Sparks book. But all in all, this is how I learned that a person named Dylan O’Connell existed and I am very thankful I decided to follow him back on twitter or else he would not have been able to message me (God bless). Even though I had never met this guy, he was there for me since day one, & has been every day since.
I can never repay you Dylan, happy birthday.
The item I chose for this week is none other than DRY SHAMPOO! I never used it because it would always leave flakes in my hair (I was afraid people would think it’s dandruff). But then on a magical day (Wednesday to be exact) in a magical place (TJ […]
I am not going to show you pictures of neglected animals who were tested on. I am not going to write page after page claiming how bad of a person you are for using these products. I am not going to lecture you, guilt you, or […]
Okay the item this week may seem kind of weird… *drum roll* SCENTED MARKERS!!!!! But hey it’s the little quirky stuff that make life more fun and interesting! I have two different brands of markers: Mr. Sketch and Crayola (both of which are great and you can buy just about anywhere). I always have some with me, whether they are in my backpack when I go to school or in my purse when I go to a coffee shop!
- Plain markers are BORING. Why buy lame markers when smelly markers automatically make you cooler than the average person!! Gotta spice up life sometimes.
- It’s fun to smell them and it keeps me awake in class. (I’m always falling asleep, so I just pull out my markers and smell them to give me something to do. It’s different, but hey it works!)
- It’s funny to gross out my friends with this marker called “Barnyard”. They took the smell of a pigpen and put it in marker form for your convenience!!!!!! All the time I tell my friends to smell my “strawberry” marker. HA. Yes, I know that is very kind of me.
- You never know when you’re going to need markers. Every moment is unpredictable.
- Beeeeeccause you need to celebrate your inner child once in a while. Adult-ing can get old.
Scented markers are what’s unique this week because they are a prized possession that is often deemed to be junk. So lets start a revolution and remind the world why this item is essential to our human existence. It starts with one purchase.
One out of three women and one out of four men are on a diet at any given time. One half of fourth graders are on a diet. In 1970, the average girl started to diet at age 14. In 1990, the average age dropped […]
The item this week is my favorite snack in the whole wide world. The Larabar. It was love at first sight. Yes, they can be a little pricey, but there are always coupons available and it is waaaaay cheaper than your daily Starbucks. Here are […]
Being a twin involves a lot of questions. The fascination people have with Tori and I can be pretty entertaining! It’s actually really funny some of the things we are asked.. Here are the most common questions with some mediocre answers:
Which Irwin twin are you?
– My name is Riley, but some people call me “Tori” for short. My favorite nickname is definitely “the other one”
Is twin telepathy real?
–Yes, yes it is.
Which one is the evil twin?
–I feel like everyone already knows the answer to this.
Do you have the same menstrual schedule?
–The most random people ask us this at the most random times. The answer is we always seem to be really close if not at the same time! Noice!!!!
Are you the one dating Dylan?
–Yesss! Funny story: when people congratulated Tori for winning homecoming with Dylan, she just went with it.
Do you mix each other up?
–Yeah all the time I forget who I am just because I look like my sister. *SARCASM*
Do you share a bedroom?
–Yes we do ( at my dad’s house & now we share a dorm) & we used to have bunk beds, but Tori made me sleep on the bottom because if a murderer ever came in our room, I’d be the first to die (because easy access to the bottom bunk) & she’d have time to escape. hashtag sister goalz
Who is better?
–People always ask us who is smarter, faster & just better in general, but let’s be real here… we are both equally lame.
Okay guys I’m not exaggerating when I say you should invest $10-15 in what most of you are going to assume is a child’s toy. Soooo read the rest of this before you judge me. I am apologizing now for my excessive use of exclamation […]
We all know aloe vera for the wonderful cooling sensation it leaves on your sunburnt skin, but I swear this substance is more magical than you think. Here are 5 reasons you need to spend $2.99: Even if you don’t have a sunburn it’s still an […]
Hi everyone! This is exciting, yet very awkward because I am not famous and I have no fans. I read that my first blog post is supposed to be interesting & intriguing so people will read my future blog posts, but why would I spend 729341 hours trying to write a god damn novel to impress a bunch of meanies who are just going to make fun of it on their secret Instagrams. But hey if you have read this far I’d like to take a moment to just honor Harambe for the noble life he led. Long live his innocent soul (I apologize if you’ve heard this one too many times).
Okay, but in all seriousness I truly hope my blog can change one, two, maybe like six lives. Even if out of the thirteen people that see my page only one person walks away with a new perspective, then I will be happy. But I’d be super happy if I became popular enough to get sent free things.