documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit

Author: herlifeontheveg

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 6

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 6

If you haven’t played Monopoly before, then you probably aren’t going to get my references.

12:07 A.M.

12:07 A.M.

I woke up to the nudging of words that wanted to be recognized..

HOW TO GET YOUR CRUSH TO TOLERATE YOU

HOW TO GET YOUR CRUSH TO TOLERATE YOU

People suck.

I love people.

Yet I hate them at the same time for being so damn swell because before I know it, I catch the feels ..

& then BAM.

They break your heart.

& it’s by LITERALLY doing NOTHING.

Like no relationship ever existed, so there wasn’t a rom-com movie fallout where you desperately fall onto your knees in the middle of the street as the rain drenches you..

yet it still feels as if that very scene took place.

You still feel that grosssssss pain in your chest.

Or maybe it was actually heartburn from the salsa you had earlier..but my point stands.

Crushes suck. One day they are super duper thrilling & hilarious, & then the next day you find yourself gloomy & frustrated because you’re traveling in a circle.

Well, I’m probably the worst individual to take romantic advice from because I’m professionally trained in the field of being dropped, but ayyeee just trust me kiddos. What could possibly go wrong (other than everything)??

HOW TO WIN OVER THE HEART OF YOUR CRUSH:

  1. Memorize their schedule. Choose to take similar routes to class that they take. But don’t make it too obvious. Just stride on passed them, giving a quick glance, casual smile & nod of the head. & then GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE. Disappear off into the distance all mysteriously. So basically be a low key stalker & then run away like you’re a five year old who got caught snooping your Christmas presents. WORKS EVERY SINGLE TIME.
  2. Drink golden beet juice twice a day because it simulates your pheromones through a cellular process referred to as “the pheremonial cycle”, named after Swiss chemist Johnathon D. Pherimondalleon who discovered it virtually accidentally in 1957..brilliant I know. See, there are perks to being a biology major. I learn the tricks of the trade woot woot.***
  3. Whenever you are around your crush, be sure to mumble you gotta git schwifty…shit on the floor…This is absolute magic when it comes to the art of seduction.. I‘m Mr. Bulldops.. Like what human can resist that?? Not a human I’d want to associate myself with. So, not only does this make your crush fall in love with you, but if they don’t, then you know they are a fake fan & it’s time to get the hell outta there. Take off your pants & panties… shit on the floor..
  4. Wear your college ID tag around your neck. Yes, now you look like a freshman kiddo. SO EMBARRASSING AH. Wear a shirt that says “Fries Before Guys”. Annnddd, change your Facebook status to “It’s complicated ^-^”. Basically become your 2008 self because who doesn’t just adore a classy individual??????????????
  5. Lastly, take your daily vitamins, specifically the gummy ones that are shaped like bears. They are dank. Ha. & that has nothing to do with your crush, but just thought I’d share that with you all. Anything animal-shaped, like those dinosaur nuggets they sell at Costco are RAAAAADDD. They always provide an extra OOMPH to your days..if it’s a super duper day, maybe even a UNTZ UNTZ UNTTTZZZ.

In the end, I hope I opened your mind a bit with these incredible tips. Doctor approved.

***Furthermore, I completely made up the part about golden beet juice. Oops.

Don’t hate me.

Please?

SOAKED & SUCH

SOAKED & SUCH

Well, kids. Hello. Hey. Hi. Here’s some thoughts of mine regarding walking. It took a lot of thinking if you can’t tell by my featured image, which is me sitting on a stool, sipping a blueberry milkshake, deep in thought (& possibly staring at a cute dog-o).

GOING GLOBAL

GOING GLOBAL

Are you a neck banger like me? Do you wake up & cry every morning because you whipped a bit too hard the previous night? I’ve got a training plan for you. Aye.

ROCKS FOR US ROCK BOTTOM FOOLS

ROCKS FOR US ROCK BOTTOM FOOLS

I’m not really sure what this post has become. It’s kinda discombobulated. Kinda a big mess. Kinda cluttered. But I’m pretty confused with everything, so I guess you’ll get a chance to see things from my befuddled perspective. Good luck to my 13 readers.

I’ve reached the point in my existence where I’ve found myself with no destination in particular & no person left to turn to–

that sounded quite depressing, but lemme tell yuh. I’m soooo not about to kill your mood. I’m currently drinking a triple shot house coffee, so if anything, IT BOUT TO GET WILD.

Okay, anywho, on multiple occasions I have hit what appears to be rock bottom.

& as most of you know *insert cringe* I have a very weak spot for puns…

Soooo

in honor of this all-time low rock bottom state of being, I’ve rested my fate in the rocks themselves.

{{Side note: I just spilled a shit ton of steamed almond milk while attempting to pour it on my granola & I am getting the “god damn millennials” stare down from all of these old folks at Macy’s. Maybe they know I’m one of them kiddos who is willing to spend their retirement fund on avocado toast.}}

Hello, my name is Riley and you can catch me carrying around some dank stones in my handy dandy pockets like your average “this-many” years old *holds up hand raising 4 four- or is it five- fingers*

READY FOR SOME HIGH-KEY JUDGEMENT????

Okay, I confess. I’ve had my heart broken..no not broken.. more like completely annihilated. I swear my heart spontaneously combusted at least 17.613 times these last few months.

&what doesn’t kill you, can only make you stronger, right?

BULLSHIT.

I was convinced I was cursed. Karma? Bad juju? “Or maybe you’re just ugly” *insert Spongebob meme*

Now, I constantly carry around the stone of “Unconditional Love”. I’m actually wearing it around my neck at this very moment.

Why? Instead of attempting to explain, click this link if you care enough to waste your time reading about it.

Here’s a shout out to all of you boys who randomly dropped me.. I mean yo we don’t have to be in one of those spooky, serious relationships built on snapchat streaks &subtweets.. I just thought you were kinda funny & chill & would make a swell friendo.

Here’s another shout out to the mean girls. The girls that have made me cry. The girls that stole everything: my tenderness and healing, my nourishment and comfort, my compassion and peace. The girls that often left me questioning my self-worth every time I came face-to-face with my reflection. You are Earth’s finest creations.

& here’s one last shout out to the dog-os of Flagstaff. Tangent? Yes. Ha. But I love dogs so much. Yeeee.

It’s difficult to establish anything meaningful when we allow ourselves to be filled with doubt. As I said before, I’ve recently stumbled upon some rough patches– it’s been daunting. I think it’s easy to lose sight of the sun when we stop looking for it, choosing to face the ground rather than the limitless sky. I’ve put myself in a spiritless atmosphere. I’d like to thank the overcoming binds of fear for that. I mean it sucks. It absolutely sucks to lose people you care about. How it goes down is irrelevant because the burning sting of rejection hurts the same in every situation. BRB gotta go get caught up in the cycle of “what’s wrong with me” & “why am I not good enough”.

To protect myself, I removed the essential trust that gives relationships their durability. But it seemed necessary..if you don’t expect anyone to stay, then what is there to lose?

Let me answer that for you.

Everything. Substance. Happiness.

For a bit of time, I lived precariously. I can’t stress enough the scars we gain from heart break. Yes, those certain shitty songs played over& over on the radio make us more annoyed by this claim than ever, but that doesn’t make it not true. It’s terrifying to open up to others who might just disappear into the sunset the next day. (&I’m not talking about my favorite &classic roll away into the sunset, but instead the see ya later alligator that results in your tireless self leaving your phone volume on high, waiting for a single ring that you’ll probably never hear).

Deprivation. That’s what that is. We deprive ourselves of our inherent aptitude- to bond. & here I am with the firm belief that I repel people. That the humans that I see the brightest lights in their eyes only see blackness in mine. That the blinking vacancy sign on cheap motels is always going to be hanging on my decrepit heart. That’s the problem. We give up on ourselves. Yes, there are a few bad apples we are going to encounter, who are going to temporarily set us back, but I’ve learned that the worst mistake we can do is let these junctures define who we are.

Before you realize it, you’ll put yourself on an island & how can we expect anyone to rescue us if they don’t know we’ve gone missing?

But for real, I’ve been carrying rose quartz around as my second heart. As my constant reminder that maybe some crappy people have left me standing in the cold, but the universe is more than those buttheads who just don’t understand (well hmm well um yeah somewhat debatable here in Flag. I’m always cold here. I blame Rita Cheng).

My MANY pieces of rose quartz have led me to a few thoughts:

  1. Maybe there’s not an absence of love in the world.
  2. Maybe it’s not that people are vile creatures who take & take & take.
  3. Maybe it’s that unconditional love can’t find a person who doesn’t unconditionally love themselves.
  4. Maybe we should start giving without the expectation of receiving anything in return.
  5. Maybe rose quartz isn’t going to solve all of my petty problems with its oh-so powerful energies.
  6. It’s my job. It’s not a matter of collecting love from others. There’s no point in waiting around for someone to sweep you off your feet, embrace you in a hug, & remind you that it’s going to get better. Love is always available inside of you& it’s your choice of whether to use it or not.

& it’s okay if this mission starts with carrying around a crystal. It’s a mental reminder. It is love my eyes can verify. It’s something I can grasp between my fingers.. Like a tool. Whoa whoa wait. Not just any average Bob the Builder tool… it’s MY bad ass, psychedelic mf rock tool.

If you are procrastinating homework or really dig rocks, continue reading.

Here’s the tale of how rose quartz and I first met. Unfortunately, it wasn’t via Tinder superlike or at one of those iconic frat parties (where everyone has such GREAT personalities)…

About 10 ish months ago, I remember that pit in my stomach (no not like an avocado pit hahaha that would’ve been stellar!!!). But a pit that reminds you of being punched in the gut… that forces you into the dreaded nausea & light-headedness. I had never experienced loneliness in such a sudden fashion. There were always people around me, yet the connection went missing, the comfort had run off, the memories were devoid.. I was empty.

& then one day, while exploring Sedona, I laid eyes on a stone.

It was pink. I never was a huge fan of pink. This one summoned me to hold it.

It was sooooo tiny, nearly microscopic. Smaller than the nail on my pinky.

& ’twas a piece of Rose Quartz. 

I thought it was pretty & it emitted an obscure energy.

God damn I sound like one of those Flagstaffians.  SMH.

& maybe it wasn’t rose quartz. Maybe it was time that naturally healed my wounds, maybe the pain was just part of the process of heart break, but regardless, my story made a complete (most likely illegal) U-turn. I was saved. I used to give credit to the power of the crystal.. but truly it was some extraordinary human beings-

& I doubt these significant people have any idea that they brought me out of my grief.

That was my mediocre (because you all are worth waaayy more than my lame vocabulary) shout out to those exquisite souls who retaught me how to smile.

Next time I pass you in the streets, you might be gifted a “hello” & a crystal.

 

SHE’S A REG

SHE’S A REG

The wise words of a regular… might be a waste of your time, but hey, they might alter your perception forever. Never know.

LUMBERJACKS OR SHOULD I SAY…LUMBERWHACKS

LUMBERJACKS OR SHOULD I SAY…LUMBERWHACKS

Heading up north? It can be scary, but don’t you worry. You’re talking to an expert on all things Lumberjack.

OPEN YO MIND OR YOU BE BLIND (HA RHYMES *CRINGE* HA)

OPEN YO MIND OR YOU BE BLIND (HA RHYMES *CRINGE* HA)

That single moment-

the lighting is different

the angle is unusual

you find yourself with a new perspective.

This was completely, one hundred frickin’ percent, your choice. You chose to open your mind to all of the potentials, possibilities, & outlooks..familiar & unfamiliar situations… foreign & uncomfortable ideas… clear& confusing concepts.

& that choice you made may have altered how you perceive existence

or maybe it did nothing at all.

Whatever the case, you did your duty as a human being.

Are you open-minded?

We all want to answer this with a “duhhhh”, but take a second, & really ask yourself:

AM I ACTUALLY OPEN-MINDED?

and

AM I AS OPEN-MINDED AS I WANT TO BE?

annnnnddd

UR MOM

Sorry yo. That last one wasn’t a question. I am an immature child, please forgive. ha. *nervous chuckle*

Regardless if you answered “yes” or “no” or “maybe” or “I don’t know” or “only every other Tuesday” or you didn’t answer any of the questions because you have the right to remain silent. & if you did say anything, what you said could be used against you in a court of law, I want you to keep reading aka SUFFERING.

Today *clears throat* I’d like to present a few things you can do to acquire, as well as maintain a third eye (no surgery or body mutilation required WHOA WHAT A DEAL!)

  1. Listen to every style of music. I firmly believe that you can learn a lot about who someone is as a person by asking what types of music they like. If they are stuck in one genre… on a single artist…. shaking my head (no no nooo, not head banging yay stuff, but the slow shaking of disapproval). Even if you don’t “appreciate” Wu-Tang Clan, David Bowie, Flosstradamus, Edith Piaf, Keith Urban, Duke Ellington, Hollywood Undead, Hannah Montana, Lorde, Glass Animals, WHOEVER, your willingness to check out a song by Arctic Monkeys even though you absolutely can’t stand high-quality music is a wholesome attribute to have. Unless it’s Luke Bryan..I mean I ask you to do crazy shit, but I wouldn’t want you to completely torture yourself my friendos (ahh please don’t be offended or egg my house Country Thunder dingalings!!!) 
  2. Watch AND (hence the “and” in all caps. I am serious because I didn’t use my usual “&”) enjoy adult cartoons. If you don’t “get” or “understand” the humor& genius presented by Homer Simpson, then you don’t know much about society or current events. If you have any idea what’s going on around the globe, than your mind would require you to watch these television hootenannies as a form of therapy..as a way to laugh at the cold & bitter & heart-wrenching truth. If you fail to comprehend the references than clearly you need to catch up with everybody else. To be open-minded is to allow Mr. Poopybutthole, Gene Belcher, Kenny McCormick, Sterling Archer, etc. into your household. It’s to allow Brian Griffin, a talking dog, to teach you a thing or two about a thing or two (no, that is not a typo).
  3. Time to legit open your mind. Scalpel. Thanks Deb. WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOOOAA WAIT…you heard me say no body mutilation required? Stop rereading. You did in fact hear me correctly.

Yes, I was lying. Yes, lying is okay. Wake up yo it’s been TWO KAY SEVENTEEN since January frickin’ first. That kinda no-good shit is what everyone *cough* politics politics politics polidicks *cough* do. Embrace it.

As of the body mutilation, I will just be gently stabbing your brain with a medical utensil that I’m sure holds some sort of medical significance– repeatedly. This will continue until you finally perceive the world without a closed-mind or my arm cramps up (is it sad that the likelihood of me getting a charlie horse before you stop thinking like a narrow bishhhh anymore is much higher????). Don’t worry, though. This is not surgery, ’tis simply a procedure (as the BEST doctors choose to call it).

4.  Have a conversation with a complete stranger. Walk into it with no expectations. No assumptions. No preconceived notions. &&&& l i s t e n. Use only your ears. Don’t clog the words of another with your gibberish. Your gibberish is snug as a bug in a rug in your head 24/7. But this stranger’s experiences, outlooks, visions, & ideologies can only emerge if you provide them the chance to. Maybe their perception of the sky is absolutely bonkers & maybe you’ll feel a wee bit confused when they mention how they’ve found a way to reach it’s blue depths. However, if you interrupt, you (unknowingly) might never bond over your similar infatuation with half-baked cookie dough ice cream… what a shabby way to live.

5. Last but not least, to officially be an open-minded individual, you must provide me with a few minor details which includes your social security number, your day of birth, your mother’s maiden name, the name of your first pet, your credit card number, & anything else that holds a value to who you are as a person. Just shoot me an email: 98rileyshae@gmail.com & I’ll take it from there. I gotchu. Smooootthhhhh, right? Yup, mhmmm, yeah I’d say I’m pretty damn smooth…that’s how I get all of the boys……………………………………………..I did mention earlier that lying is okay……sooooo……..when I said “boys”, I might have meant “men”……….okay……….you caught me..again……….when I said “men”, I really meant “meningitis” *rolls away into sunset*

Ugh, not really sure the appropriate way to close this post other than with an apology. I am sorry if you wasted a few minutes reading that & were not enlightened or didn’t half smile or chuckle the word “same”. Also, I apologize if your reading was inhibited by &/or negatively affected by my numbers not being in a straight line, but I legit spent 7 years trying to fix it with no prevail (that’s like 49 years of your dog’s life so that’s a hell of a long time). All in all, I hope you are able to replenish in a bath tub of joy & your own filth somewhere else. God bless. Thank you. & have a good night. Signing off. *points at crowd* *smiles with teeth*

DAAAMN THAT PASSION LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU

DAAAMN THAT PASSION LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU

“YOUR PASSION! OMG! WHERE’D YOU GET IT? I WANT ONE IN PINK!”

NOCTURNAL NONSENSE

NOCTURNAL NONSENSE

I’m in a coffee shop. Black & no room. There I typed away for 36 minutes. & I’m sure you can figure out what sort of blog post came from another one of my sporadic ((aka unorganized& discombobulated)) revelations….

LEMME HELP YUH SPICE UP THAT MILD LIFE OF YOURS

LEMME HELP YUH SPICE UP THAT MILD LIFE OF YOURS

I am using the above picture because the wrap I am holding in that polaroid was cr-AYE-zy spicy!! Bless complimentary cups of H2O.
Hi & welcome to a mild morning!

*alarm goes off*

*wakes up*

*gets up aka falls out of bed but miraculously survives*

*drinks up* (coffee or alcohol depending on where you are at in life)

*morning dumps* (whether you enjoyed it also depends on where you are at in life)

*eats*

*deep sighs in 10 minute intervals*

*attempts to put self together*

*walks out door* (or crawls depending on where you are at in life)

*realizes that self is not together*

*nearby stranger’s phone rings

the tone is the sound of your alarm….

*falls to ground because TRIGGERED YO*

*insert Squidward “future” meme*

*time reads 7:32 A.M.*

Should I leave it at that? I think you probably get my point.

Life can be a bland ol’ rice cake sometimes. Am I right or am I right? & I became done with that non-shindig (yes, ’tis a word I invented..surprise, surprise) type of living. & today, I’m going to pretend to be an expert on all things spicy/mom lifestyle blogger who prefers to breathe aesthetic over oxygen to help amp up your day! It will work I think. Maybe. No guarantees.

Most likely not. Ha.

Let’s turn the ‘M’ in MILD upside down & make it a ‘W’ for WILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can’t believe I said that. Hopefully it didn’t detour all 13 of my readers..

(out of curiosity, did you pronounce that as “dee-tour” or as “dee-ter”??)

Here are a few INCREDIBLE tips to aid you in this journey:

  1. What better way to spice life up than to jam to Spice Girls? Turn up “Wannabe” (because everyone knows the lyrics to this one) in your car until it blows out your speakers. & keep turning it up until it blows up your car. Damn that just went from spicy to spicy AND hot.
  2. Invest in a spice rack. Now you can make those dinosaur nuggets from Costco extra gourmet by adding some herbs. OOOOHHH HASHTAG TUMBLR!!! Add some thyme to your Eggo chocolate chip waffles! Throw some basil on your favorite cereal & almond milk! Toss some paprika on your paprika!!!! ‘Tis a game changer lemme tell yuh.
  3. Switch out your shampoo for hot sauce. You know what? Be a doll & fill every shampoo bottle in the house with hot sauce. That’s how you earn some brownie points with mom & dad…& casually one up your siblings. The best part is that the red coloring of the sauce totally looks like blood, so now is the perfect opportunity to wash your hair & play Law & Order at the SAME EXACT TIME. Just don’t forget to turn up the theme song (you’ve def heard it..it goes duh duhh duh duh duh duh duuuh duuuuhhhh) & find someone on Tinder who gives off the classic Jack McCoy vibe to represent you in court.
  4. Instead of cursing you out-of-control adolescents you, start using the word “spice” as your new, clean sentence enhancer. “What the actual spice.” “Spice you.” “God spice it.” “You jackspice.” “Spice the spiced spice spice spiiicccee.”  Initially, you might perceive this specific tip as insane, but try it out. In a 4-5 years, you’ll thank me when it still makes you sound absolutely insane. “Spice you, Riley.”
  5. Last but not least, drop out of school to pursue MY dream of becoming a professional DJ. Then I can live through you minus the consequences that I’d have if I, myself, ditched NAU. (I have some semi-stellar song ideas I need to put on the market before someone else does first.) This whole college student turned party hardy DJ will spice your life up sorta. & you’d get a pretty cool name, too. So why not? *insert peer pressure*

Well, I guarantee if you take this advice to heart, your life will be slightly better. Furthermore, by reading this sentence, you are agreeing that I can not be held liable for any injuries, deaths, or spice-related incidents regarding these tips. Gotcha.

 

 

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 5

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 5

Us athletes are extraordinary creatures. We are insane. We are passionate. We are mentally & physically strong. Yet here we find ourselves vulnerable to the limitless horizons.

LIPSTICK & LUNGES

LIPSTICK & LUNGES

YOU have been selected to receive two free passes on a totally legitimate cruise! This is not a scam. I repeat, this is NOT A SCAM! Click the link below to receive a special email with your special tickets because you were chosen with a million other special people! I am going to need your social security number, your mother’s maiden name, & your credit card number– no big dealio, am I right. But WAIT there’s more!!! This link is also the link to a blog post I wrote & I would love love loooovveee if you checked it out!! & hopefully you caught on to my joke & aren’t actually blocking me right now!!!!! Let’s all join hands, sing Kumbaya & understand my lame sense of humor together. Please.

HONEY, I’M HOME! & slightly DISCOMBOBULATED

HONEY, I’M HOME! & slightly DISCOMBOBULATED

Home from school. But what is home? Where am I? Whoa whoa wait. You’re telling me I don’t need a 1:10 guy to girl ratio to come in??? Wuuuuuttt????

5 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR LOCAL BARISTA CRINGE WITH SPECIAL GUEST TORI RAE

5 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR LOCAL BARISTA CRINGE WITH SPECIAL GUEST TORI RAE

Tori takes the stage & reveals the PERFECT ways to make your local baristas suffer…& what’s more fun than being a high-maintenance customer? Am I right or am I right?

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 4

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 4

You have been diagnosed with perfectionism.

Oh, perfectionism.

Such a terrible burden on you.

Your symptoms are of the upmost praise. I am sure you were not expecting to hear that. Ambition? That will get you anywhere you desire to go. Perseverance? I admire your drive to push on even when you are handed every reason not to. You show signs of enthusiasm. Inspiration. High engagement. Determination. Productivity. Keenness. Everything that leads to a successful person, a successful career, a successful life. You are an outstanding individual if I might add. So many people in this world will never reach the heights that you will. Their eyes will never see the breathtaking views bestowed by your achievement. You are quite a lucky one. Born with this passion. Born with this fervor. No, actually with this zeal. You have a light in you that others spend all of their hours& days & weeks trying to capture. It is a light that lines your gyri & sulci, making a runway in your brain, allowing new ideas to take off & land effortlessly. Hold on to these sparks. Learn how to use them for the better. It is essential for you to be aware of their weight, their impact. Please, please promise me you will be careful.

But on another note, you are in danger. Some of your most prestige qualities are what will lead you to a rough downfall. It sucks. The traits that give you that signature glow (the majority of people lack) can also lead to the dimmest form of living. Together, they can morph into an extremely addictive substance often referred to as “perfectionism”. It is known for the poison it releases onto the greatest of us. Even after the perfectionism has been addressed & fought off, it simply remains dormant, sort of like a virus. It is not alive, thus it can not be killed. Only controlled. Temporarily put out of business. Perfectionism is not real. Perfectionism has no ending; it is ceaseless. Perfectionism is not defined, but rather it is a place marker for the more. We can always do more. There is always more to our existence. So where do we stop? Where do we cross the finish line & accept that the race is over? How do we know enough is enough when our passion, our determination, our enthusiasm, etc. are screaming on the sideline to keep going? Perfectionism takes hold of reality the same way excessive drinking on a Friday night does. It causes you to lose your sense of proportion, suddenly creating the illusion of invincibility. One more shot. No, just one more shot. A bit more. One more can not possibly do harm…

& VOILA

You have “awoken” from the blackness, only to find yourself having done immense damage to your body. Stomach pump & hospital bills & feelings of being not so “invincible”.

…left wishing you had not lost your consciousness. Regretful.

This is what perfectionism does to a person. This is exactly why you need to be careful. It’s destroyed the best of us. It has put a halt on our dreams that we spent every ounce of our breath on. & for the less fortunate of the bunch, it has completely annihilated our dreams. Permanently out of our grasp now.  Nothing is more difficult than having to sit back & reflect on what could have been. What could have been achieved if perfectionism had not blindfolded us from the truth-

that we were enough, we did enough… but it failed to inform us that enough IS enough.

Perfectionism is definitely one the roots to the bitter wrath of “health” (ugh the h-word causes me to cringe more harsh than the moment I found out an emoji movie was in the makes & last week when anchovies were accidentally put on my pizza COM-FRICKIN-BINED). I will leave ya hanging here.. because if I have not yet secured your attention this far in, then I am probably not going to get it later. This is your opportunity to never read my blog again, have a stretch break, or let these words peacefully settle until next time.

I would dig if you read that last sentence with suspense. Or if you pretend it made you eager for part 5!!

cropped-untitled1.png

 

DEAR MY 13 READERS,

DEAR MY 13 READERS,

I love you.

Was that too soon?

I apologize if so.

But here I am. Here I am sitting cross-legged in a coffee shop, sipping my 12 oz black coffee (as you might have expected), & reflecting. ‘Tis what I do. & I am sure most of you know that by now.

Damn has it been a crazy 9 months since I made the gutsy decision to create a blog. I mean I started with no expectations. I started thinking that meanies were going to make fun of me on their finsta accounts. I thought my friends would pretend they liked it to boost my confidence. I thought I probably wasted $15 on securing my URL name. I was basically in acceptance that it could all just one day crash & burn. But for some peculiar reason, that was perfectly okay with me. It was worth the shot–

it’s the risks we choose to take in life that will determine whether on our death beds we’ll be lying there as limp vegetables in a sea of regret or have a big, uncontrollable smile on our face because we made something out of our flesh& bones…because on a Tuesday we decided to stop mumbling “someday” & instead got up off our ass &screamed that today is the day. 

Tuesday I made Her Life On The Veg.

Okay, okay. I’ll get to the point. God damnit Ri.. always being too wordy & descriptive. Trust me, I’ve been hearing this from years & years worth of language arts teachers, but still not going to change. Sorrrry.

The point of this is to thank you all. This month’s views exceeded my expectations. By a lot. A whole lot. It exceeded my expectations by a whopping 895 views. I’m truly honored that many people were willing to sacrifice/waste their time to read something my mediocre self wrote off the top of her head. I mean you all used your data on me. I can’t begin to explain how much that means. That shit is sacred stuff you just don’t throw away. But you guys did…for me…thank you. Not only do I want to thank you all for tapping the link in my bio, but also for the insane amount of support. I’m kinda getting emotional right now simply thinking about you great kids, particularly those who sent me such kind messages or came up to me in person to tell me you enjoyed reading my posts. Each one of you will always have a special spot in my heart. & I mean that. I really want to list your names or make like a “Wall of People Who Made My Day”. You might be shocked to hear that I remember when you came up to me at Phoenix Lights or on campus somewhere or sent me that long, lovely paragraph on Instagram. You guys gave me a reason to pursue this silly dream of mine. & that is something I can’t pay you back for…there’s no price that could compare to the happiness you all have gifted me. Can I adopt you into my family? Please?

Another person I really want to thank is Simone. I know you’re on vacation & may not see this, but girl you’ve done so much for my blog. Your incredible advice & creative ideas & endless support for this little passion of mine… you going out of your way to help me..your doings have been the strongest encouragement out there. Thank you.

I also really want to thank my other half. Love you Tori. Thank you for proof reading my incoherent posts that I threw together in those 10 minutes that I had spontaneously felt “inspired“. Thank you for supporting my most ridiculous proposals. Thank you for putting my link in your Instagram bio. Thank you for being one of my thirteen readers.

Sam. I just had to personally thank you. You were the first person to tell me you read my blog. Dude. You were like my first supporter. I felt sorta foolish when I started Her Life On The Veg & then you & your kind heart gave me that extra push to keep at it. You probably had no clue how much your words impacted me at the time. But heeeyy darrlliinngg, 9 months later *Spongebob narrator voice* & they still have the same strong effect on me. Thank you.

And mom, I could never forget you. I remember when you initially showed me how to use Go Daddy & snatch myself a URL name. I’m thankful for your advice & input (moms always seem to know best) &your savvy computer skills that came in clutch on numerous occasions. Without your intelligence, I don’t think I would have been able to figure out how to even initiate a blog– aren’t us youngins supposed to be the tech experts?

Also, all of you who are using my logo sticker. Thank you. I cried when I received those snapchats & texts from you pals asking to have one. Like actually cried. Not even exaggerating. I have dry eyes from allergies & am often dehydrated & y’all still managed to make me shed some h2o. That takes talent yo. By the way, I still have a bunch left if anyone wants to bless their hydroflask or something.

Ughghghgh I just really really reeaalllyyy want you all to realize, to feel, to understand how grateful I am. So next time you see me, I’ll give you a hug (a real hug, not one of those awkward side hugs) or a kiss on the cheek because I love you all so much. Like I said, these last 9 months have been crazy, I’ve reached my highest highs & my lowest lows, but without this blog & without you wonderful kiddos, the pure jubilation running through my veins would not exist.

xo,

Ri

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BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE. PT. 2

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE. PT. 2

You know, it makes me really sad to see so many posts about failed diet & work out attempts & the unhappiness that has come with dedicating all of one’s time to this supposed “lifestyle“. *Anderson Cooper eye roll* Anyone who knows me well, knows […]

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE.

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE.

Becoming healthy is the most unhealthy thing I’ve ever done. Low blood pressure. Check. No diseases. Check. Normal cholesterol. Check. Low heart rate. Check. Not overweight. Check. 20/20 vision. Check. Athletic. Check. Adequate sleep. Check. Hydrated. Check. Did you eat your fruits and vegetables today? […]

WELL..UM HEY I GUESS I HAVE.. LIKE CHANGED A BIT

WELL..UM HEY I GUESS I HAVE.. LIKE CHANGED A BIT

Yes, college in fact changes us children emotionally & mentally. Some of us experience transformations- sometimes in the upward direction of maturity & sometimes in the downward direction towards our graves (foreshadowing a young, imminent death). But what about the physical aspect????? Would you like to hear about that today?? If not, this is your warning to close this tab. If you’re actually interested, please proceed to scroll. (Aye extra brownie points for you *wink wink*)

  1. My pee officially smells like coffee. Do I drink too much coffee? Possibly. Can you ever really drink too much? Nah. Is this new scent good? Let’s just say that Yankee probably won’t be making a candle inspired by this scent any time soon.
  2. My posture straight sucks (puns L O L).  Lugging a HUGE bag around, sleeping on a lopsided bed, & ravin’ to the grave has led to a very pretty arch in my back. But I like to look at glasses half full rather than half empty, thus I’m choosing to see that arch as a metaphor. Maybe it’s symbolizing a rainbow. Always rainbows after rain kids- hashtag never forget hashtag just girly things hashtag tumblr hashtag hashtag.
  3. The pressure on my body has decreased. Throughout this semester, I have worked to not be so hard on myself; ’tis okay to not be perfect, simple as that. Yes, I am a bio major which requires hours & hours of energy dedicated to studying & class, but I’ve found a balance that still includes time for shenanigans. I did learn in chemistry that when elevation increases, the atmospheric pressure decreases…so um this could be what I’m truly feeling. Buuuttt, I definitely wouldn’t have retained this lovely fact if I would have spent all of my blood, sweat, & tears on school, completely disregarding what makes me happy. I left enough life in my brain to actually remember knowledge two weeks past the test. It’s great.
  4. My majestic, voluminous beard grows a lot faster now that I am a lumberjack (even without the daily watering & sun exposure). I think it’s an NAU thing. It’s sorta like a rite of passage into Flagstaff, yuh know. Rita Cheng sees you have a beard? Acceptance letter is officially on its way. Congrats.
  5. I’ve developed chronic bunion pain. YAAAYYY YIPPEEEEE YAAASSS I can finally relate to the bunion removal commercials on TV.. exciting right? Try not to be too jealous! Honestly, if anyone is to blame, it is definitely the NAU bus system. If it wasn’t so shitty, I wouldn’t choose to walk 3 miles to class in my wedges. Buuuutttt fashion requires endurance.& crying myself to sleep every night because of stabbing sensations in my innocent feet sounds less painful than attempting to navigate around campus via Louie Line.

BEFORE & AFTER

RI’S KINDA DECENT TIPS FOR FINALS PREP

RI’S KINDA DECENT TIPS FOR FINALS PREP

Finals are here. & I am out. Yuh feel me? ‘Tis a rough period for most college students. I’m guessing your semester-long disillusionment is fading and you’re finally sober enough to realize your grades aren’t as superb as you last remember? Maybe you’re in a […]

HOW TO PROPERLY VOYAGE FROM THE SAGUARO TO THE SAND

HOW TO PROPERLY VOYAGE FROM THE SAGUARO TO THE SAND

My favorite part about California? Awhh thanks for asking. Well, to answer that question even though no one actually cares about my answer, I’d just like to say it’s the ride there. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know that sounds so god damn weird, but I […]

CRUSHED IT.

CRUSHED IT.

Do you ever make spontaneous decisions?

I know for a fact that you know the insane ideas I am talking about. We all have them. But the question is… do you ever follow through with them?

Well, my friends and I are crazy. Soooo we often find ourselves making split-second choices that lack rational thought about the possible future consequences. Thus, at the end of every week, we normally have a stellar, somewhat ridiculous story to tell. But it was on February 18th at 12:17 a.m. that we made one of our most nonsensical decisions yet. We decided within a span of about 13 seconds that the next day we would drive from Flagstaff to Chandler to none other but a rave. I mean pshhh what could possibly go wrong?

Ha.

February 18th 12:17 a.m.

*The Ginger Illuminati (Tori, Ri, & Nat) all exchange glances*

“Who’s down to go to Crush tomorrow”

*a triangle of smirks*

February 18th 9:34 a.m.

“Wait… are we actually buying tickers or”

February 18th 1:07 p.m.

*3 ticket purchases later*

“We need to leave by 1:30”

February 18th 2:11 p.m.

*frantically searches for car in parking garage*

*spills coffee*

*soaked in rain*

February 18th 2:34 p.m.

“Hell yes! I found the car!”

February 18th 4-ish p.m.

*shops at a Walmart located in  judgmental, white-privileged community*

*gets weird looks at our rave outfits*

February 18th 5:32 p.m.

*arrives*

*drenches each other in pink glitter*

*Riley smuggles cliff bar in pants*

February 18th 5:34 p.m.

*exits rave because not willing to throw away Nat’s cough drops or Tori’s Ginger Spice flavored chapstick*

*Riley smuggles cliff bar in rave via pants again*

As we walked in, time became an insignificant, inaccurate form of measurement.. we had entered The Twilight Zone.

*Peace, Love, Unity, Respect*

*Candy*

*Sees entire NAU including ambassadors from orientation*

*Meets Eric, Tony, & Molly*

*Becomes one with music*

*Stays hydrated* -quick shoutout to Eric for providing an endless supply of H2O

*Butt is wet, shorts are soaked from sitting in water*

*Kaleidoscope eyes*

*Jumping*

*Dancing*

*Vibing*

*Tells everyone we are triplets*

*Everyone believes us*

*Porta potty*

*Lights*

*WOOT WOOT*

February 19th After Rave- Time is still irrelevant 

*Goes to IHOP for some black coffee and french fries*

*Wears only socks because shoes are muddy and wet*

*Meets drunk lady in bathroom who reminiscences about her old rave days*

*Drunk lady gives Ri and Nat life advice*

*Drunk lady randomly sits at our table*

“Wow I love you guys!! Let’s all be friends”

*Tori “accidentally” leaves with her IHOP coffee cup.. again.*

*Nat, Tori, and Ri crash at Sam’s dorm at GCU*

“GCU- God Can’t Unsee.”

I hope you all enjoyed this play-by-play of our spontaneous decision to go to a rave. Yes, you are allowed to judge us, but I truly hope you get something from this post. I truly hope that maybe next time you have a crazy idea, that you take a risk and go for it. Because even if it doesn’t work out perfectly, it’ll make a great story to tell later. & it’s the stupid moments that will create the deepest bonds with your friends. & it’s the lame choices that form the memories you will hold closest in your heart. So, my 13 readers, today I am telling you to stop thinking so much, just go for it.

LET’S GET BREAKFAST

LET’S GET BREAKFAST

The chaos of college is thrilling; finally having the ability and the power to take any path without having to ask permission first is something that never gets old. We are always warned to not let the freedom get to our head, but here we […]

Don’t Say The H Word!!

Don’t Say The H Word!!

H*****y A new year brings many new goals for people, most of which will be forgotten about within a week or two. I mean life is unpredictable & time is something we all could use a little more of, so I don’t blame anyone for […]

LOVE IS MITOSIS

LOVE IS MITOSIS

Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation. Or it could be the excessive black coffee in my veins. Or maybe it was that philosophy class I attended one time before switching out. I have no idea why I am typing this blog post. I do know that it was on a Sunday morning, my wedges clicked on the ice as I struggled to speed walk back to campus. I felt like an elderly lady as I complained about my immense bunion pain and apologized for continually whacking my bulky purse at Tori. Like I said, maybe the cold weather was starting to cloud my thoughts. Maybe I had been narcotized by the almond milk I had with breakfast. Or was it me just being weird- again?

Tori and I, just like any eighteen year old’s who are convinced they’ve seen and felt it all, had a deep conversation about love.. I mean what even is it?

love
noun
1.
an intense feeling of deep affection.
“babies fill parents with intense feelings of love”
synonyms: deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment;
2.
a person or thing that one loves.
“she was the love of his life”
synonyms: beloved, loved one, love of one’s life, dear, dearest, dear one, darling, sweetheart, sweet, angel, honey;
verb
1.
feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).
“do you love me?”
synonyms: care very much for, feel deep affection for, hold very dear, adore, think the world of, be devoted to, dote on, idolize, worship;

I am calling bullshit.

There are numerous aspects of life that I choose not to accept and this is definitely one of them. I truly believe in my heart that love is a word that can’t be defined. Love isn’t anything. It is everything.

Some people say that the word “love” is overused. That it lacks meaning when said so often. But how can it lack meaning when it is the one speaking of it that gives it meaning? Like I stated previously, love isn’t one specific thing. It’s definition is different to everyone. And the love one has for each person, place, thing, and action in their life are unique. Love is an individual. The love I feel for one person is something only I will know and I can never feel that same love for anyone else.

Love is more than romance and passion. Love is more than the person you want to go down on one knee for. Love is that person you want to lay on the floor with in fuzzy socks, laughing at the infinite possibilities both your futures hold. Love is that peanut butter and banana toast you quietly enjoyed last night for dessert. Love is that bridge you drive under everyday; the one with the breathtaking view you vow never to take a picture of. Love is the way your eyes light up when a stranger lets you pet their dog. Love is that friend you just wish had the slightest clue about how many heads they turn when they sashay around a room. Love is everything. It’s something we all feel, but leaves us unsatisfied as we try to describe it to our friends.

Sometimes love lifts people higher than the sun, providing them with a smile that even the worst news can’t break. And sometimes love knocks the wind out of people, leaving a pain in their gut that even the strongest of medications can’t ease. And sometimes love is right in between. It leaves people confused why they can feel electricity racing under their skin like the computer pinball game we all remember playing as a child. Love can be beautiful and ugly at the same time.

And love isn’t something we acquire with age; love is the umbilical cord that gives a baby the oxygen and nutrients it needs to survive. Love is the universe: the planets, the galaxies, the black holes, the darkest parts of space that we don’t know exist. Love is mitosis. Love regenerates and grows.

Tori told me the love she felt for a person was identical to the awe she experiences when her eyes discover that one piece of art in a museum. And I believe that love feels like the moment you suddenly uncover the deeper meaning of that one piece of art your eyes discover in a museum. She told me that “you fall in love with your perspective of a person– your understanding of who they are might be completely different than someone else’s. Their little details that no one else will ever see captivate you.” It is the wrinkles you try to rid with cream. The wrinkles from that big smile you wore more often than your favorite pair of shoes. The wrinkles you cringe at in the mirror that everyone else finds so beautiful about you. That is love.

Since love can’t be defined, I could describe it forever. As frustrating as it is not to know the meaning of a single word composed of only four letters, it’s okay. That’s the beauty of it. Love is mysterious. Love can’t be prepared for since we never know what to expect. Maybe that’s why people claim that there is an absence of love in our world. Maybe they just don’t know where to find it. That love is in every fracture and crevice. Love isn’t meant to be understood or mastered;

Love is.

Riley’s Cover Video

Riley’s Cover Video

Hey guys!!! Finally made a cover video after so many requests! Enjoy! The link is below!!

I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY

I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY

It was on January 23rd that I celebrated my birthday– hold up– whoa whoa whoa– but wait a minute.. “Riley’s birthday isn’t on January 23rd… it’s on May 21st.” Exactly. The story takes place this past winter break. Riley, a fashion enthusiast, seized a few good […]

It Just.. Like.. Happens.

It Just.. Like.. Happens.

Once again, Ri is writing a pointless blog post about random ass thoughts that hopefully at least make a little sense?? (Be an angel please & ignore any bad grammar or typos)

Isn’t it funny the way people can affect us without even trying? Or how people can affect us & we don’t even realize that we are being affected? It just.. like.. happens.

We encounter people- for a split second our gazes met or maybe all I had heard was your name, & suddenly I’m fascinated. Like, who is this person? && then comes the question of why do I even care? Why does this mystery stranger stand out in the crowd to me? &&& next thing you know, you see them again. You’re thinking about them again. But you know nothing about them, only that you want to know more about them. You find yourself wondering how they spend their days..& did they notice you the same? You find yourself hoping to run into them somewhere once more. But why? Why do we care so much about someone we have never met? Why do we want to know them so bad? Is the universe using gravity to pull us together? Are we supposed to cross paths eventually? Is some kind of invisible force screaming we could have a solid conversation? That maybe you’d understand the jokes I make that no one else seems to get? Honestly, who knows. I think it’s quite hilarious that complete strangers can have such a strong hold on us & simultaneously have no clue of their power. How a stranger has no idea that their presence is desired, that their presence is on someone’s mind, that their mere existence one day impacted someone. & they weren’t even trying. & yet they will never know that this has occurred.

I’ve recently had friends point out to me that they’ve caught a new light in my eyes. A light that comes about when certain people are brought up. Whether I say their names, their names are said to me, I see them, or something reminds me of them, it’s as if I suddenly glisten. Moments as such I have lacked notice of, for the lights in our own eyes are not visible to our own selves. I wouldn’t even know what so-called “light” to look for since our eyes don’t actually light up like a frickin lamp or something. Once again, I think it’s funny how someone can affect me in ways I will never notice. & when this stuff is pointed out, I am often somewhat shocked…I mean why is this person affecting me? It’s kind of embarrassing. Why must I blush &giggle like a little kid when they enter my mind? I didn’t give them permission to be there. & how do I make it stop? How do I keep the person from influencing me? & here I am all nervous, slurring words, jumbling sentences, forgetting all my greatest puns. Here I am focusing on each step I take– wait do I walk weird?? Here I am being driven insane by someone who is LITERALLY not doing anything to me. How can someone I don’t even see everyday have such a large impact on me? It just blows my mind how much other people can affect us without even realizing it. I tried to reflect on my recent decisions & it started to make me wonder.. how many of these decisions were influenced by other people & how many of those people have little significance in my life? And why did I let these people have a say in my actions (basically my future) when they hadn’t even said anything to me?

If you’re looking for a purpose in this post, I apologize. Or if you’re looking for answers to any of these questions, I honestly don’t have them. I’m just describing the shit I observe that gets me thinking. That’s kinda sorta it.

A DEEP INSIGHT ON THE STUDY OF GIRL CRUSHES

A DEEP INSIGHT ON THE STUDY OF GIRL CRUSHES

My intro can be summed up with: read on if you feel like it. Okay, admit it. We all have girl crushes. I am not talking about a random “flawless” girl you saw on Instagram who immediately makes your entire body fill with jealousy. I’m […]

The Irwins Go Indie

The Irwins Go Indie

HEY PALS! How’s it going? As winter break comes to a close for many of you kids, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc. are being filled with indie video after indie video. Well, even though “if you’ve seen one video you’ve seen them all”, you should still waste […]

THE ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE STORY OF KARMA & BEANIE’S FIRST HIKE EVER

THE ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE STORY OF KARMA & BEANIE’S FIRST HIKE EVER

 After moving to Flagstaff 6 months ago, I discovered a new dream of mine. It was inspired by the plethora of dog & owner dates I’d watch every Saturday morning through a window at Macy’s European Coffeehouse. I suddenly knew what I wanted in life. I decided in order to find happiness, I needed to adopt a dog on death row, live in a van, and solve mysteries together. But let’s be real here, with college going on, that fantasy wasn’t going to happen any time soon. So, when I came home winter break, with my broken-heart and all, I realized that I had six dogs who could temporarily fill that void- well, actually four a week later. Yeah I know, it was definitely a “Welcome Home Riley! Life Is PoopShitCrap” kind of week. Ha. Buuuutttt back to the story.. okay, so Tori and I decided to take two of our dogs, Karma and Beanie, both of which have social anxiety & extreme cases of couch potato syndrome, out for a hike. Well, here is how it went..

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Karma didn’t even make it to the car. Nice.

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Beanie beat the odds & successfully made it to the car.

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Beanie’s First Pee Break
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Beanie’s Second Pee Break
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Beanie’s 11th Pee Break
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Beanie about to take another pee break.
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Finally reached the trail head!
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17 seconds after reaching the trail head, Beanie decides it is time to go back.
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Refueling after the journey. Stay hydrated kids.

Pals, I hope you enjoyed this photo story of my naked dog. The hike may have been super duper short, but baby steps yuh know? We took many pictures because did you even go on a hike if you don’t take 530918472 pictures of yourself to post for the world to see? I mean everyone will be so amazed to know you walked a mile uphill and you wear sports bras when you exercise!! (Unfortunately, Beanie never reached the top, so we didn’t see a point in taking a sports bra pic of him flexing his limbs). Honestly, I have no idea what the purpose of this blog post is or why any of you took the time to read it, but kudos to you!! Have a great weekend!!! xo

Empty Wallet, Full Closet

Empty Wallet, Full Closet

Yes, I am passionate about a few too many things- but is it really that bad to find yourself fascinated by everything &very enthusiastic about life? I honestly don’t think so. Maybe I’m just trying to convince myself that I am somewhat normal. Who knows. […]

Um Why Is That Pizza Green?

Um Why Is That Pizza Green?

Before you judge the pizza for being green, you need to try it first. I mean isn’t that the polite thing to do? I always see such creative recipes on Pinterest, so I pin them. Buuuttt rather than attempt those recipes, I end up just […]

In a Holidaze

In a Holidaze

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December 24th 5 P.M.

Christmas has officially started (regardless of what the calendar says).

December 24th 5:01 P.M.

The anticipation is here- this is when it truly begins.

December 24th 6:49 P.M.

It’s tradition at my house to open one present this evening, but “just one” always turns into “just one more please” & we tend to get carried away.

December 24th 7:07 P.M.

*Pretends there is not enough room for all the cookies to evenly bake on the pan, so I have no choice but to eat a few pieces of raw cookie dough*

December 24th 7:21 P.M.

*Drinks the World’s Finest Hot Chocolate and casually becomes drunk on holiday spirit*

December 24th 9:24 P.M.

Ends the night with Shrek the Halls because.

(I decided to cut that sentence off because who needs an explanation.. I mean it’s Shrek).

December 24th 9:24 P.M.

*Leaves carrots for the reindeer. And three mediocre-looking, maybe broken cookies (no one ending up eating) for Santa(s)*

December 24th 10:32 P.M.

I decide that I am going to bed early because I am actually 6 years old and still find myself rising before the sun does every Christmas morning.

December 24th 11:59 P.M.

I lied to myself. I am still awake. Counting down the clock. Watching 90’s cartoons. Petting my dog. Thinking deep thoughts about the universe.

December 25th 12:00 A.M.

I’d say “Merry Christmas”, but like I said, Christmas began on December 24th at 5 P.M.

December 25th 5:45 A.M.

*Checks trash can for carrots and cookies* …just to make sure

And finally, my gift to y’all are two amazing recipes that will rock your fuzzy socks off-

The World’s Finest Hot Chocolate Recipe (if it sucks blame Tori):

Ingredients:

  • 3 Scoops of Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate Chips
  • Approximately 12 oz of Almond Milk
  • 1 Heaping Teaspoon of Cocoa Powder and/or Cinnamon
  • 1 Mini Candy Cane (Because it looks cute)
  • Mini Marshmallows on the top.

Steps:

  1. Duuuude if you don’t know how to make hot chocolate by now, then you are out of luck and probably need to reevaluate your life.

The World’s Finest Cookie Recipe:

Ingredients:

  • Pillsbury Holiday Cookies (The one’s with either the reindeer, Christmas trees, or snowmen printed on them)

Beeeeecause why spend time and energy on homemade cookies when these beautiful things exist? Am I right or am I right?

Steps:

1) Go to the store.

2) Buy them.

3) Eat some dough.

4) Bake. Burn a few (every house contains a person who prefers them VERY well-done).

5) Eat some cookies.

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful, holly jolly, amazing, magical, fantastic, Christmas-y Christmas! And don’t forget to dress your pets in festive outfits and shake your presents when no one is watching. xo

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The Farewell Friends

The Farewell Friends

Hello everyone. I’ve been using my blog to put down a lot of my random thoughts lately, so I apologize if anyone is annoyed! But when new obstacles & challenges block my path, words tend to come easy to me. And by writing them out, […]

SMILE, YO

SMILE, YO

If you know me than you most definitely know that any well-trained doctor would diagnose me with an extreme case of the giggles. Or that I can’t keep a straight face for more than .2 seconds (the frowning Snapchat filter is the only way I can do […]

Just My Rant About Your Worth No Big Deal

Just My Rant About Your Worth No Big Deal

Hi, what’s up guys? So today I was waiting outside an office for a meeting and all of a sudden I felt the need to rant. But I had no one to rant to (unless you count the receptionist, but I didn’t want to interrupt her Facebook stalking). I know y’all find yourself in similar situations.  In a span of ten minutes I typed like a maniac in the notes on my iphone. And I decided to copy and paste them here. Tada! Yay!

I think the biggest mistake I’ve ever done is letting others determine my worth. I think it’s an issue most people struggle with. Just because a boy doesn’t text you back or your friends don’t post the picture you took together shouldn’t be interpreted as you not being good enough. I remember feeling heart broken when I found myself in a situation as such. But why? Our self-esteem shouldn’t derive from what the “popular” people think. It shouldn’t be based on how many likes your instagram photo gets. I remember I used to alter my personality when trying to impress groups of people I desired to be friends with. But even if I accomplished that, who were they even friends with? Not Riley. As I slowly transitioned into allowing my true self to show, it’s like a weight was lifted off my chest. Yes, rejection still hurts me just the same. Actually, it hurts a little bit more since I am putting my complete self out in the open now. But the relationships that have come from just being myself are friendships I know will last a lifetime. My friends love my quirky and silly attitude, which was something I was ashamed off for the longest time. They appreciate my crazy music taste and “harmonize” with me rather than judge my off-key notes. And most of all, they see my flaws as unique qualities that make me Ri. Yes it’s important to not live a life of isolation because you chose not to care about what anybody thinks. But it’s also important to be you. Wear those retro shoes you got from a thrift store, dye your hair neon blue, embrace your secret obsession with boy bands. Go for it. You’re afraid someone is going to judge you? I understand that. I was too. But guess what? I want to hear your life story. I want you to sit down with me at a coffee shop and tell me it all. I want you to talk about the good times and the bad times that made you into the incredible human being you are today. So many of us walk around embarrassed of our past. Regretful of our mistakes. But why? I’ve done some stupid shit. I’ve let my emotions get the best of me before. Recalling certain memories hurts me in ways I can ever explain. But these accidents are what made the happier times feel so amazing. Without the lows how can we ever expect to enjoy the highs? Well, I want you to give me a playlist of your ten favorite songs. I want to know about you. So you can’t use the excuse now that people won’t like you or people don’t want to know the true you. Because I do. There’s nothing more magical to me than to see someone’s eyes light up as they explain their passions. Or the small wrinkles people get around their mouth when they half smile while talking about their dreams. These are the things I appreciate. These are the moments that determine your worth. The giggles, the tears, the sweat, that is you. That is what matters. Not some stupid subtweet or bitchy remark from another person. Don’t ever forget that. Promise me you won’t?

Ri’s Christmas Challenge

Ri’s Christmas Challenge

Okay so yes Christmas is about a lot of things- love, appreciation, family, cookies… But lets face it. We can’t act like Christmas has nothing to do with presents (as much as our grateful selves try to convince everyone). Presents are one of my favorite […]

ED & Me

ED & Me

People are obsessed with food. We talk about food, we bond over food, we take pictures of food and post them for the world to see, we read about food, we wear food, we personalize our food, we fight over food beliefs. But what if […]

HYDRO HOOPLA

HYDRO HOOPLA

In order to complete the transition from high school wannabe to kool kollege kid, every individual must make a purchase that is normally between $25 and $40 (no, this is not including the cost of tuition). This purchase is how one can finally feel like a true member of young adulthood. It is college culture. It is the… hydroflask.

*insert “whoas” and “wows” and interested readers*
1) Temperature can make or break a drink. Hot coffee should not be cold. Cold coffee should not be hot. Put your coffee in a hydroflask and suddenly you don’t have to worry about that anymore. Your coffee will always be juuuuussttt rriigghhhtt. Hashtag serious business.

2)  H2O is good for you. I swear being dehydrated is the worst feeling ever! I automatically become a tired, grouchy, giant pimple when I am parched. So if I’m carrying around a hydroflask, I’ve always got some water ready to go.  And that is beautiful.

3) I LOVE MY PLANET and you should too. An easy way to help the environment is to use a reusable bottle *cough* hydroflask *cough* instead of plastic ones for your beverages! So now all you people who deeply desire an eco-friendly world are actually getting off your asses and doing something to preserve the environment!!! Yay!! And when you’re in college and have a tiny trashcan, it is extremely important to avoid a full trashcan. It’s such a struggle to walk 15 feet outside to the dumpster. So less plastic= less trash! Less full trash cans= less walking! Yay for laziness! and yay for the Earth!!

4) Hey you actually have something to put your stickers on!

5) Discounts!!! As you 13 readers of mine should know by now, money is a substance my wallet lacks. The investment in a hydroflask is worth it because you will get your money back. How? I already told you (first word if you forgot)…DISCOUNTS! A lot of places give discounts to people who bring their own cup! Hell yeah!!!

 

How To Holiday With A College Student Budget Phase 2

How To Holiday With A College Student Budget Phase 2

Warning: There are high levels of sarcasm throughout this blog post. Please proceed with caution. Well guys, it is still holiday time!!! And I still have no money!!!! I am sure many of you can relate (or at least are cautious spenders). Once again, I […]

This Is My Bully

This Is My Bully

Outside was basically a hurricane. I am a foreigner to all weather conditions other than dry heat, so I’m probably being a little dramatic. I apologize for this. But I guarantee it was at least sprinkling. I met with an old friend for coffee. At first […]

How To Holiday With A College Student Budget Phase 1

How To Holiday With A College Student Budget Phase 1

 

Warning: There are high levels of sarcasm throughout this blog post. Please proceed with caution.

It is officially the most wonderful time of the year! It was all fun and games until I opened up my wallet only to find a few coins, a Forever 21 gift card with a balance of $1.47, and many empty pockets where cash should’ve been (but I mean who is really surprised). Yes, I know the holidays are not about money, but having a couple of bucks can definitely make life easier. Don’t even try to argue that. So instead of having a single item for “what’s unique this week”, I’ve decided to change things up a bit. I am going to show you how to holiday with a college student budget… featuring decorations!!! Wahoo!!!

My attempt to set the stage: 

It’s November 2nd. Halloween is over. Your content suddenly fades. You notice your neighbors putting up..what is that..wait..what is th-OHMYGOD IT’S A REINDEER. NO. IT CAN’T BE. PLEASE NOOOO. You carelessly spent all your money on this one holiday without realizing Christmas is right around the corner (less than 8 weeks now ahhhhhhh). What do you do? You lay on the floor confused, crying, begging for mercy… all hope is lost…and….BAM! I crash through your door (heroically) and save the day. 

How did I save the day you might ask?

Well, child, here is the answer to that great question:

unnamed-17

 1) FIND YOUR HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS AND ASSESS WHAT YOU’VE GOT.

GOT NOTHING? WELL, I GUARANTEE YOUR LOCAL STORE HAS SOME BAD ASS HALLOWEEN SALES GOING ON RIGHT NOW. GOOOO.
THIS PICTURE IS OF ME JUST HAPPILY HOLDING SOME JUNK!

 2) TIME TO GET TO WORK

  • I STACKED 3 WHITE PUMPKINS VERTICALLY.
  • I USED THIS MAGICAL (AND QUITE HANDY) SUBSTANCE CALLED SUPERGLUE TO CONNECT THEM.
  • I PLACED A SNAZZY HAT ON THE TOP PUMPKIN.
  • AND TA-DAH A SNOWMAN!!!!!! (SORTA)

swefwsergfregf

  •  YOU SEE THAT SKELETON HEAD IN THE FIRST PICTURE?
  • WELL, I PUT A B-E-A-UTIFUL SANTA CLAUS BEANIE OVER IT.
  • ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT *PIERS MORGAN VOICE*
  • THE MOUTH IS KINDA CREEPY, BUT YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
unnamed-14
  • CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WAS ONCE A WITCH HAT?
  • INCREDIBLE, I KNOW.
  • I BASICALLY TOOK A WITCH HAT AND PAINTED IT LIKE SANTA CLAUS.
  • SO FRICKIN’ CLEVER.
  • NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW THIS CAME FROM THE HALLOWEEN AISLE.unnamed-16
  • THIS SIGN ONCE READ “BEWARE OF ZOMBIES”
  • BUT WITH THE HELP OF SOME NOTEBOOK PAPER, A RED MARKER, AND TWO PIECES OF TAPE… LADIES AND GENTLEMEN *CLEARS THROAT*  WE NOW HAVE OURSELVES A CHRISTMAS DECORATION.
  • IT’S ORIGINAL! IT’S ONE OF A KIND! NO ONE WILL KNOW WHERE YOU BOUGHT THIS WORK OF ART! NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND HOW A COLLEGE STUDENT CAN AFFORD SOMETHING SO EXPENSIVE AND HIGH-CLASS!
    unnamed-15

     3) TIS’ THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY (AFTER CASUALLY CELEBRATING THANKSGIVING)!

     I’m sure this blog post saved 1, 2, maybe 420 lives. I hope I have made the holidays a little less stressful for you all!

    Phase One of “How to Holiday” is complete.

     

"RUNNING SUCKS"

"RUNNING SUCKS"

Most people refer to me as “crazy” because I run on my own will and I FRICKIN LOVE IT. I wasn’t born a runner. I wasn’t born with this magical desire to run. I am not  a “natural” at running either. Don’t get me wrong, those […]

Lose The Attitude For Some Gratitude

Lose The Attitude For Some Gratitude

Three cheers if you hate writing essays! Three cheers if you used to like writing until school happened to you!! Three cheers if you used to like writing until your teacher pointed out all the reasons your paper sucks!!! Three cheers if your teacher would […]

The Girl With The Avocado Tattoo

The Girl With The Avocado Tattoo

As many of you know, last May (18th birthday yay adulthood!!) I got my first tattoo! The amount of comments I’ve gotten since then… ha ha there’s been a whole lot. I’ve been asked why I have a pear on my leg. I’ve had people awkwardly say “oh. nice.” I’ve had people gloat over how cute it is. I’ve had people casually disapprove of it. The list goes on.

Well, first of all, lets get things clear here. I have an AVOCADO HALF tattooed on my leg. Secondly, there are two reasons I decided to do this.

This is my stupid Riley reason:

1) Avocados are amazing and taste good on everything. One time I tried it on pizza at Mellow Mushroom and died of happiness right then and there on the restaurant floor. Lets face it, avocados are truly a magical substance.

This is my “okay but in all seriousness” reason:

2) I struggle with confidence. My entire life I’ve stood right next to my identical twin sister and have been compared- “Your nose is bigger, your eyes are closer, you aren’t as tall, your hair is shorter, your face is rounder, etc. etc. etc.” No one has ever had bad intentions, but due to this, I have been aware of how I looked for as long as I can remember. Similar to many girls, I often finding myself picking my body apart, pointing out every flaw, rather than viewing my body as a whole and a temple that allows me to live. Today, society tells us to not be too thin, but also not too heavy, or not too tall, but also not too short, and not too feminine, but also not too masculine instead of just being ourselves. And I’ve had it. I want to be me. Soooo I decided to put an avocado on my thigh for a reason. An avocado is what people call “good fat”, thus whenever I am feeling insecure about my body (particularly my thighs), I can look down a be reminded that I am healthy and my body is healthy. Having fat in your body is essential regardless if the media says otherwise. My imperfections are what make me a unique individual and just because I don’t look exactly how I’m “supposed” to is nothing to be ashamed of. I think it’s very important that we all love ourselves for who we are.

I don’t care if you judge me for my tattoo or think the reasoning behind it is silly. It helps me and that’s all that should matter.unnamed-13

THAT’S FLAN-TASTIC

THAT’S FLAN-TASTIC

One of my favorite things to throw on before walking out the door is definitely a flannel! I have a variety of colors and styles and it takes like 0 seconds to find one that will match my outfit (because they match EVERYTHING). I buy […]

Happy 16 Years From Becoming President

Happy 16 Years From Becoming President

Hey everyone!!!! Today is Dylan’s 19th date of birth soooooo SHOUT OUT TO HIM!! 21 years away from living in the White House! Instead of hurling a million page biography of our last two and a half years together at you all, I’m just going […]

Dry Shampoo And I Are Pretty Tight

Dry Shampoo And I Are Pretty Tight

The item I chose for this week is none other than DRY SHAMPOO! I never used it because it would always leave flakes in my hair (I was afraid people would think it’s dandruff). But then on a magical day (Wednesday to be exact) in a magical place (TJ Maxx to be more exact), I found “Batiste” & my life has never been the same since. Here are five reasons why:

  1. I am lazy. I am in college. Showers are time consuming and require effort. Yet I still need life (even if it’s just in my hair & the rest of my body tells you otherwise).
  2.  Who wants to take a shower in the winter when it’s so damn cold… it’s honestly pure torture stepping out of the hot shower. I cry when that freezing air slaps my innocent body.
  3. It keeps me from using heat daily! If I take a shower, I always blow dry my hair afterward…& then curl it or straighten it. The technical term is “murdering your hair”. With the help of dry shampoo, I can easily revamp yesterday’s curls in a matter of seconds.
  4. Sometimes after I workout I don’t have time for a full shower, so dry shampoo is the perfect solution. It takes out the grease in my locks and POOF no one knows I just came from the gym (unless my extremely red face gives it away #gingerprobz).
  5. It’s healthy not to wash your hair everyday! Over washing can lead to a dry scalp and dry hair, so it’s a good idea to give yourself a break once in a while. I mean if you are doing a hardcore workout in 120 degree weather, you don’t really have a choice, but if not, loosen up a bit! You won’t regret it, promise.

If you can classify your hair as a buttface, then you should definitely invest in some dry shampoo. Personally, I recommend Batiste because it has worked well on my hair and there are a variety of scents! You can get it almost anywhere that carries hair products, but it’s cheaper at stores like TJ Maxx (at least compared to Walmart). Dry shampoo is my best friend every morning and leaves me feeling confident even when I wake up ten minutes before class! It’s the little things aka dry shampoo that can make a day wonderful.

 

Look For The Leaping Bunny

Look For The Leaping Bunny

I am not going to show you pictures of neglected animals who were tested on. I am not going to write page after page claiming how bad of a person you are for using these products. I am not going to lecture you, guilt you, or […]

Smell Your Way To Happiness

Smell Your Way To Happiness

Okay the item this week may seem kind of weird… *drum roll* SCENTED MARKERS!!!!! But hey it’s the little quirky stuff that make life more fun and interesting! I have two different brands of markers: Mr. Sketch and Crayola (both of which are great and you […]

I Think You Should Know

I Think You Should Know

One out of three women and one out of four men are on a diet at any given time.

One half of fourth graders are on a diet.

In 1970, the average girl started to diet at age 14. In 1990, the average age dropped to 8 years old. And that was 26 years ago.

Two out of five women and one out of five men would trade three to five years of their life in order to achieve their weight goals.

In one study, three out of four women stated they were overweight, although only one and four actually was.

 The dieting industry is the only business in the world with a 98% failure rate.

Just thought you should know.

TIME TO RAISE THE BAR

TIME TO RAISE THE BAR

The item this week is my favorite snack in the whole wide world. The Larabar. It was love at first sight. Yes, they can be a little pricey, but there are always coupons available and it is waaaaay cheaper than your daily Starbucks. Here are […]

Ques-twins & Answers

Ques-twins & Answers

Trust me, I already know that is a clever pun.

Putty, Please.

Putty, Please.

Okay guys I’m not exaggerating when I say you should invest $10-15 in what most of you are going to assume is a child’s toy.  Soooo read the rest of this before you judge me. I am apologizing now for my excessive use of exclamation points in this article, but this stuff makes me super excited. Here are 5 reasons you need Crazy Aaron’s Thinking Putty in your life:

  1. This was MADE FOR ADULTS- yeah you can buy it for children, but its original purpose is to help adults clear their mind in order to get through the day.
  2.  I have the biggest fidgeting problem…I always have to be moving whether it’s tapping a pencil or playing with a hair tie. And let me tell you, thinking putty isn’t annoyingly loud or distracting, you don’t have to worry about getting dirty looks from others!
  3. It’s a stress reliever! You can bend it, rip it, squeeze it, whatever you want! It’s like a stress ball but a million times more badass and fun. If you are still caught up in how great your reputation is (throwback to 7th grade), I guarantee you’ll instantly become the most popular person in your school, office, local Walmart or wherever you spend your time if you have this putty in your hand.
  4. THERE ARE SO MANY AWESOME COLORS. I’ll list a few categories: metallic, primary, electric, glow in the dark, precious metals and gems!!!!!!!!! There are some that change colors in the sunlight or from the heat of your palms!!!!!! They are so mesmerizing and pretty hipster for you hip people. (You could even coordinate it with your outfits if you’re just that fashionable).
  5. This may sound stupid, but after playing with the putty, you won’t feel obligated to wash your hands! It’s not sticky (so you won’t have that icky feeling on your skin)! Also, it’s odorless and it never dries out!!

My favorite color is called “Northern Lights” because it is iridescent and damn does it look cool. It’s actually the left one in the picture below! I’ve had a handful of strangers come over after seeing me with it because they wanted to experience the magic as well.  Instead of awkwardly staring at my phone when I’m alone, I’ll pull the putty out and BAM!! I have the perfect conversation starter ((no joke)). Type Crazy Aaron’s Thinking Putty in on google and you’re one step closer to reaching enlightenment. You are welcome.

 

H-ALOE-LUJAH

H-ALOE-LUJAH

We all know aloe vera for the wonderful cooling sensation it leaves on your sunburnt skin, but I swear this substance is more magical than you think. Here are 5 reasons you need to spend $2.99: Even if you don’t have a sunburn it’s still an […]

The Worst First Blog Post You’ll Ever Read

The Worst First Blog Post You’ll Ever Read

Hi everyone! This is exciting, yet very awkward because I am not famous and I have no fans. I read that my first blog post is supposed to be interesting & intriguing so people will read my future blog posts, but why would I spend […]