College is a learning experience. It is a zoo, a prison, & a luxurious spa vacation all compiled into one place (10 million miles long, 100 million buildings wide, & lacks any logical pattern of arrangement) for your convenience. There’s always a new face to meet, a dumb assignment to cry about, & a 75 minute class to never show up to. It’s great. Today, I’ve put together five very very HENCE THE WORD VERY important things that college has taught me these past 6 months.
- Steal. Steal everything. Personally, I like to steal bananas and apples and coffee. Sorry college, but if you steal my future by putting an innocent 18 year old into debt, then I’m going to steal your food. & toilet paper. & anything else that can fit under my outfit or in my purse.
- The greatest mass extinction took place during the Permian period.
- If you can’t remember his name, it is probably “Jake”. If it’s not Jake, it’s probably Zach & if it’s not Zach, then his name is probably Jake, but he just didn’t hear you the first time.
- If you’re ever feeling lonely & awkward at a party, turn to the person next to you, make a surprised face, & say “Wait, you look SOOO familiar! We’ve definitely met before.” Works every time.
- Leave about eight feet of space around your trash can. Trust me, you’ll understand later. If you’re an expert at Jenga you may only need six feet.