2k18 & VERY ADDICTED
4 individuals are pictured above. Statistically speaking 5 out of 4 of them are addicted to at least 1 of the things listed below. #awarebecausewecare
Hello, my name is Riley.
& I am an addict.
We are half way done with it. AKA time to get yo life together homies.
& not to mention, we are all addicts..& what’s the newest crazes this fine, wonderful, glorious, magnificent year?
Hahahahh nah just kidding that wasn’t funny.
I’ll see myself to the door. We guuuuud. We good.
But on the real though, each year brings a different issue—
well more like issues.
But then again, I’m pretty okay with most of this shit. Buuuuuttttttt the question is should I be?
I guess the first step is recognizing an addiction, so let’s just do that.
Take it slow.
&most likely not change. Not. Hence not.
I’m chill with that.
- The Juul. That computer flash drive is the gateway to hell. One rip of that bitch & if you don’t immediately dip, you will be on to the Suorin. You are now a slut. I swear, nicotine is a high maintenance bitch, especially when it tastes like burnt gummy bears. We have all basically sucked each others dicks when we share those things. It is 2018 & the topic of debate is whether to get a fresh pod or continue to torch the back of your throat.
- Fortnite. All day, errryy day, am I right or am I right? Self-esteem is built-off of our number of victories. We dance in public places like an avatar to cope with the fact that a controller isn’t in our hands at the moment. That we aren’t staring at a screen, trying to choose which location to hit next. I’m starting to get visuals… that couple that just walked by in the rain.. it’s one of the umbrellas!!!!!! The Fortnite music.. that’s it I tell yuh! In the elevator! Do you not hear what I am hearing dude?! Everyone is suddenly the enemy. That old lady walking her dog..the second I turn the other direction she is going to take her shot. Trust no one except your partner.
- I’d just like to take a second to recognize the population that has been iced by Ri Bread. What troopers. You have all provided purpose to my existence. Thank you for giving me a reason to get my sorry ass out of bed in the morning. Chugging Smirnoff ices is ABSOLUTELY an addiction of the year. I mean I am a prime example of this, but it is only because I was iced soooOoo many times by you other addicts. We get iced, then ice others in order to cope with the loss. It gives you a high like nothing else. The adrenaline of watching our prey fall perfectly into our traps.. tis’ a power complex. & in all reality, ices can be rough. Single or double, they somehow manage to settle in between your throat & stomach for a solid twenty minutes. This discomfort is addicting or something I guess? All I have learned from this obsession is that green apple tastes delicious until you get iced three times (in one sitting) in a row with it. Traumatized. At least I have something to talk about with my therapist next week.
- Okay. I am about to drop a bomb. CALVIN KLEIN UNDERWEAR LOOKS LIKE CRAP ON YUH UNLESS YUH PULL THEM UP AS HIGH AS YOUR BUTT CRACK WILL ALLOW YUH TO. Cry now ladies. It is true. & clearly a 2k18 addiction is Calvin Klein wedgy photo shoots. Don’t act shocked– we see it all around us *insert “all around you” voice played prior to every Harkins movie*..it has taken over our Instagram feed. Look, it’s official. You can’t wear the matching bra & undies unless you agree to pull those bottoms up. *bottoms up bottoms up throw those Kleins up* Furthermore, if you don’t take at least seventeen photos of those babies clawing their way toward your belly button, then WHO EVEN ARE YOU? WUT EVEN? LIKE DAMN GAL GIT IT TOGETHA. But for real, this addiction gets me because it’s an actual PAIN IN THE BUTT to have underwear that high..like it feels like you’re flesh is being cut into. Rough.
- One night stands. Us kiddos can’t seem to commit this year. We are addicts.
- Where to start with the next addiction..hmm.. it is referred to as “dehydration”. I can’t tell you where we all went wrong, but what happened to the wawa? Why do we make the decision to not drink water for a couple of days & feel like shit? We all saw what Spongebob went through when he went into Sandy’s Tree Dome..he suffered. He was parched. The only solution I have is to either get a Camelback implanted into your spine (kinda like an extra hump) or wear fishbowls above our heads as some great heroes once did (Spongebob and Patrick). Or else we will remain dry, crusty, & gross. What example are we setting for upcoming generations????????? Pshh at least hydrate with some Coors Light.
- The last addiction I have for today is becoming fake ambassadors. If everyone is an ambassador, no one is. Simple as that. Don’t read into this negatively, please. But if we all are promoting that fit tea stuff, then umm um yeahhhhhhhh. I get it, I get it. Sometimes pretending to be an ambassador gets you free items. & as a broke college student, I pounce on every opportunity of not dropping money. But you are definitely a wee bit old school for the 2K18 vibe tribe if you ain’t an ambassador. Guess we are addicted to the fame that comes with advertising for random companies. 0.3 seconds of fame with every scroll. Come @ us Andy Warhol.
We did it. Now everyone take a deep breath.
We’ve recognized our addictions.
So what’s the next step? *asks magic conch*
Okee, schweeeeet. Let’s leave it at that.