47 minutes spent sitting at my computer + sipping Colombian coffee (after my whopping 48 hour cleanse from coffee) + people watching at Elevate Coffee Company (no dogs sighted sadly) + numb legs that fell asleep because I was cross-legged on the floor (had to stay in reach of the plug) = this. See I am still pretty okay at math after not taking it for over 2 years now. Ya man.
Some Recent Stuff
First impressions are everything. But are they really? What about last impressions? What about the impression YOU made last night when you strolled into the party? Champagne glass resting in your hand. Shoulders back. Posture straight. Graceful gestures. Delicate smile & all. The last idea […]
Gotta love the start of a New Year, right? I mean who doesn’t just adore the idea of being one year closer to death, one glass (more like fifteen glasses) of champagne closer to liver failure, & one more topic (aka your absence of a midnight kiss) to talk about at your next therapy session? Or better yet, the moment the clock strikes 12 & you’re dancing around to Toto as confetti rains down the same way it does in Africa… BAM. The sun suddenly startles your celebration & the woot woot turns into a shit I gotta get my life together.
“No big deal”
“I have 364 more days to figure this poo out.”
That’s what I said on January 1st, 2017.
*downs bottle of Cabernet*
I swear I’m okay, I swear I’m okay.
Okay, back to my point. New Year… NEW ME.
hahahahha I wish.
Here are a few of the BEST resolutions of mine for 2-KAYYYYYYEEEE-18 all compiled together for your convenience. Let me know if they are relatable or inspire you a teeny bit, so I can try to stop this quickly-descending, nearly non-existent self-esteem of mine. *insert desperation* *downs second bottle of Cabernet*
THE LIST (duuuddee clever name– trust me, I know, you don’t have to tell me):
- Do more drugs. Like ugh. Drugs are so damn expensive & with little money coming in, I legit can’t afford anything. But drugs make the world go ’round *pops gummy bear vitamin* & they really release the inner bad ass in all of us *downs cup of Nyquil* *blows alpenhorn RIIIIICCCOOOLLAAAA*
- Make more money. This is in order to facilitate the completion of resolution #1. How to make money? Not quite sure. Probably pawn a couple family relics or something.. we shall see.
- Only make poor decisions during 2018. Therefore, throughout 2019, everyone will be like “Oooohhh ahhhhh woooowww look how much Ri is growing as a person!! Prime example. Wow. Whoa. Hard work pays off! Nice!” & then, I can publish a book about how I overcame my lowest lows & can pretend people will pay to read a book about someone with no significance whatsoever.
- Start an avocado farm. Yes, that is not a typo. No, I am not on drugs (remember I can’t afford them yet). I am just passionate about these treasures of Earth. Do I even have to explain? Why say more when you all know the rest?
- Learn how to change the toilet paper roll thingys. I actually know how to do this, but it always takes like a week for me to finally stop resting it on top of the empty one. I hope to begin this change & inspire others to follow the same path. It starts through leadership & through education of the public… particularly @allcollegemales
- Expose my ears to more loud sounds. If I stand close enough to the speakers at concerts, blow up my tympanic membrane (ear drum), & become completely death, then I no longer have to waste time & money trying to save my hearing via doctor’s appointments, treatments, & medications. At that point, I’m just straight foooooooked! Ri’s lesson to all you kiddos: fook yourself up sooner rather than later in order to save time&money! Genius. Alrighty. *rolls away into sunset*
- Get no sleep at all. None. Nawwhhh-duuhhhh. I already don’t get enough, thus instead of having a bad sleep schedule, I am just going to completely get rid of it! In other words, I can’t have a bad sleep schedule if I don’t have one in general. He. He. The stables have turned now. *rides stallion away into sunset*
Well, those are the good ol’ bunch of resolutions I have in store for this coming year! Feel free to steal some if you want to improve your overall quality of life. Lots of happiness guaranteed.
I am not liable for any injuries or death caused by the dankness of these resolutions.
- & here I find myself, blankly staring into the bathroom mirror
The longer I face myself, the more I question the world. Do you ever wonder why words can knock the wind out of you more aggressively than a blow to the solar plexus (bio major– apologies)?
Where did I go wrong? Was it when I decided to take the long route to class today? When I decided to post that BEAUTIFUL Snapchat of myself with about 4.7 chins (depending on the angle)? Was it when I decided to stop caring about my appearance so much?
Adele may hit some pretty damn high notes.
Joywave’s newest album touches on the idea a bit.
I never really experienced “rumors” when they were at their peak in middle school.
I’ve always perceived them as shitty sitcom plot lines– you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.
But here, standing. Looking over myself as if the answer to all of this confusion was in some dirty, spotted mirror…
I got nothing.
It became clear to me overtime that fire can not be fought with fire.
That anger will only feed the hate.
That despair will only fuel the hostile.
So I wiped away the tears (somewhat hidden with the aid of my handy dandy readers)
It’s choosing to walk out that door without the bullshit weighing me down that made all of the difference.
Last night was one of those bedtime fiascoes that involve you dramatically waking up from nightmares over & over, your heart pounding so terribly hard that you’re afraid to get up, goosebumps covering your body, yet your forehead is quickly heating up..
was it foreshadowing the next morning?
I’m a pretty sensitive girl. Words stick to me. It sucks. & I know many of you know exactly what it’s like. People can be mean. People can be assholes. People can say things you would be better off not hearing. People give weird looks in your direction & when you walk in their direction people might think you look weird. People will leave your brain discombobulated & your heart in a deep ache. People will see your social media posts & determine who you are– deem you as a slut, a prude, a loser, a genius, a wannabe, a not-so photogenic dweeb..& that’s cool.
You do that. You were born with the power to have your own individual thoughts & never would I want to take that away from anyone.
But I think it can’t be stressed enough that we don’t let these thoughts of others impact our lives negatively. These thoughts shouldn’t make us hesitate. They shouldn’t make us think twice. They shouldn’t make us give up the empowerment & self-worth we spent so much energy trying to grasp.
Well, I say:
This might be information coming from someone who still calls her mom balling her eyes out when “MOOOOOMMM EVERYTHING IS COMING TO AN END!!”, but lemme tell yuh, the answer is always:
f u c k i t .
Maybe that’s not inspiring enough for you, maybe it’s not your choice of wording, but damn is it always relevant.
Today, my advice to you pals is to flip off the negativity.
- Scream “FUCK YOU” to all of the obstacles holding you back.
- Buy some sunflowers for your enemies because roses are a little too predictable.
- Hold the door open for the stranger that would not do the same for you.
- Get a wild haircut you know people will disapprove.
- Proudly lift those three pound weights at the gym.
- Buy YOURSELF an entire bottle of cheap pinot noir & down that shit.
- Call your parents & tell them you love them.
- Pay for the coffee of the person behind you in line (maybe even upgrade it to a large).
- Make your bed.
- Pet your friend’s dog (but don’t steal it even though that’s nearly impossible).
- Send your pal that never shows up to class today’s notes.
- Eat the rawest salmonella-infested cookie dough you can find.
- Post that selfie you’re afraid won’t get “enough” likes.
- Talk to the QT you head banged with at a rave.
- Don’t use flash cards during your presentation, use your bad ass charisma instead.
- Wear that fur coat that’s a bit bulky but snazzy af.
- Thank your bus driver on your way off at your stop.
- Choose a few Christmas Angels from Walmart & play Santa Claus for an afternoon.
- Ice your friends who have important business matters to tend to later.
- When you’re driving during rush hour, let that desperate car move over a lane.
- Smile at your friends, at your enemies, at the “nobodies”, at the people who are just “too cool”, at your professors, at the limitless sky, & even at the cracked sidewalk below you..
because to let the negativity overcome you like a virus is only feeding the hate, fueling the hostile, & igniting a fire you never intended to start.
because when times are rough, you just have to lift your chin up, pull back your shoulders, give a nod of your head,
& f u c k i t .
Just some stupid shit that’s taking up storage in the notes on my phone!!
Last night (or should I say this morning???), I suddenly awoke. Staring up at the blank ceiling- the curtains opened & onto the stage poured memories, past emotions, untamed dreams of mine.. So I got up, whether it was because I desperately had to go pee or because I was at the moment inspired to write, the world may never truly know. I pulled up the notes app on my phone.
The cheap chardonnay dances on my lips
oh, how lovely the taste.
& though I’ve swirled the finest of white wines
& have sipped the rarest of red wines,
I will always find more content in that three dollar bottle–
for across the table you sat from me
& your ambiance provided a buzz that the distinguished wines of Amboise never could.
I’m an expert. What more is there to say? Nothing aye. So check out this blog post because I can make your crush tolerate you. If not, you can brawl with me (stool & Irish pub not included) Buuuttt it’s a money back guarantee!
Well, kids. Hello. Hey. Hi. Here’s some thoughts of mine regarding walking. It took a lot of thinking if you can’t tell by my featured image, which is me sitting on a stool, sipping a blueberry milkshake, deep in thought (& possibly staring at a cute dog-o).
A shit ton of sweat.
Quads burning so bad that they are on the verge of spontaneously combusting.
Shooting pain down the neck & back.
Ha. Sorry. But correction.
Permanent damage from C2 to L3 & potentially 4 herniated discs…
& YOUR MOM.
I actually meant shooting needles down the spinal cord 24/7 to the point where you’re unable to get out of bed in the morning because you can’t lift your neck.
Well, that is my opener. That was me setting the stage for you kiddos. Yup. This is part of the rave experience– completely unavoidable in all honesty. When you purchase a ticket, you also purchase an extremely high medical bill. When you print out your ticket, you also print out a referral to your local physical therapy.
& now you all caught me. This is why I am going into the medical field. Ha.
Okay, so the reason I am writing this post today is because raves & concerts in general are survival of the fittest. It’s a battle. We all transform into wild animals willing to eat anyone that gets in the way of our vibes the very second we walk through the doors. So, I’m here to help. I’ve constructed the ABSOLUTE BEST PERF INCREDIBLE training plan to get you fit enough to withstand your next music hootenanny. Yeah mhmm WUT NOW DARWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENIE.
Ri’s Rave Training Plan:
- Train for an ultra marathon. Follow that insane running schedule. It’s all about the mentality, thus if you can run 50 miles with a big smile on your face, then you’ve got this. Then you can make this crowd your bish. *Tori & I repeat “for the rave, for the rave, for the rave” as we make our way around the indoor track (lap 52 if you’re counting)*
- Focus on weight lifting that requires abductor movement. These psychedelic raves are going to make you think you’re getting abducted by aliens, so if you build up some arm strength, the extra tension coming from the spaceship beams will help you float away effortlessly.
- Buti yoga. Sign up. This class is a combination of yoga and hip hop.. trust me when I say if you can stay in a squat position & shake your butt for an hour long class, then you’ve got this.
- Hover over toilets. Okay so we all know public restrooms are our reason for existence. They just bring a light into my life no boy will ever compare to. But damn, people wreck ’em. Like jeeeez, I swear people had to actually put in effort to destroy that stall that badly. Sheeesh. Add it to your resume or something: “Expert at getting my poo to chill on the toilet seat”. Therefore, now is the time to get used to hovering. When you’re exhausted at a concert, the booty muscle memory will have you covered.
- Strengthen that core. If there’s anything I’ve learned from head banging, it’s definitely that you should NEVER use your neck. You’ve got to whip your entire body, throttle it full force, if you want to avoid injury. The trick is to use your stellar abdominal muscles rather than your vertebral column. This sounds quite obvious, but lemme tell yuh, it’s a lot easier said then done. The next day, I still wake up in immense pain & possibly permanent damage, but it could be waaaaaayyy worse. Trust me on this one, though. You won’t regret it. As someone who head bangs in a circle of strangers for 6 hours straight, I do in fact know a thing or two about the art of neck bumpin’.
***Quick side note: It’s smart to train in warm environments at higher elevations, so you can get used to the feeling of not being able to breathe as your body slowly shuts down.
That was my super duper rad training plan. There’s a lot more technicalities in my personal preparation, but I wanted to start you newbies off with the basics. Let me know if you’d like to hire me to be your personal rave trainer– I gotchu.
Yes, I’ve hit rock bottom. So why not make life one giant lame pun & turn to rocks?
You’re officially an adult.
L O L right?
I mean this is my second year of college & I still get anxiety just thinking about going to the doctor without my mom.
’tis rough lemme tell yuh.
Well, on Sunday, Tori & I moved into our new apartment & now we have t-minus 1 week to get our lives together before classes start.
Solid, I’d say. But as for you newbies, incoming Lumberjacks FROM ALL AROUND THE GLOBE (more like Phoenix, SoCal, & Colorado)… I gotchu covered. I’ve compiled a few things that I wasn’t prepared for…a few things that I felt the consequences…a few things that shaped me as a human creature bean forever. Yeeet.
- GUYS. It snows in Flag. Like real snow. Like that stuff you never thought you’d experience first hand. Be ready. It numbs everything it touches, so don’t be alarmed if you can’t feel your nose. When you feel it initially, it’ll definitely be a surreal moment. Capture it. Everyone up here embraces snow like a culture..it’s beautiful– but expensive.
- Okay, okay. Take a deep breath. No, I am not trying to calm you down or help you relax. You NEED to take a deep breath or else you are going to pass out & die….damn elevation…gets me every damn time! No! The elevation not only makes it more difficult to complete simple tasks such as walking up the stairs, running after cute boys, & releasing the bowels, but it also makes you forget to do your homework & causes you to sleep through your alarm (USE THIS EXCUSE FOR YOUR FAULTS. IT NEVER FAILS.) You’ll notice that when you are up at NAU, we tend to blame all of our problems, school-related or not, on either the elevation or RIta Cheng. Chronic bunion pain?? Thanks a lot Rita.
- Is campus too easy for you? Do you know it better than the back of your hand? Is traveling from class to class..I don’t know…a wee bit boring for your wild self??? Well, if you’re ever craving a challenge, then get right on board the Louie Line. I swear that bus will take you everywhere but where you want to go. Kinda like an adventure! Yay! Within minutes, the bus will sporadically switch directions, pop a wheely, & skedaddle your fine self to the other side of town. Rad! &&& voilà YOU ARE COMPLETELY LOST! & if you’re an adrenaline junkie, partake in this quest 15 minutes before class. Trust me, it’ll get your heart racing the same way illegal substances do (the elevation will provide an extra oomph as well).
- Baby butt face. CH CH CH CHIA. Lumberjack face. aka that beard you spent your entire life growing, dedicated countless hours to watching the hairs not grow. Well, I don’t know if it’s the elevation or Rita Cheng, but the second you reach 7000′ BAAAAMMMM. *insert transformation* YOU GROW A BEARD. YOU BECOME A LUMBERJACK. YOUR FACE IS FUR. hahahhah this is a male & female thingy also, so don’t worry my femmes! Scratch that fomo! You’re included in the hair foofaraw too! & if it’s a full moon, not only does your beard demonstrate extreme volume, but you’re outfit automatically turns into a giant flannel & whatever is in your hand will instantly become a hydroflask…with a sticker on it that has AZ with a heart on the location of Flag. Basic bitch. That’s you now.
- If you don’t adore dogs get outta here. No joke. Dogs are in every direction. Flagstaff or heaven?? This is pup central, nuff said. or should I say ruff said? & can’t deal with puns?? Then definitely get outta here. NAU has nothing to do with puns, but I don’t want you killing my lame vibes with your fresh meat judgmental vibes. *insert sass*
You’ve got this. Don’t be nervous kiddos! & if you ever feel out of place, snap the same photo of the Hotel Monte Vista sign that can be found on all those aesthetic instagrams. &BAM. You’re in. You’re accepted. You’re one of us. (I included an example pic above, so you know what I’m referring to)
Good Luck Pals,
Are you with me? Okay, I want you to close your eyes with me on the count of three & as soon as you can’t see a thing, I’m going to ask you to open your mind & see everything. Okay, one, two, thr-wait. CRAP. Scratch that. Open those eyelids, so you can read my post!!
I’m in a coffee shop. Black & no room. There I typed away for 36 minutes. & I’m sure you can figure out what sort of blog post came from another one of my sporadic ((aka unorganized& discombobulated)) revelations….
Is it truly a good idea to read the “insight” of a 19 year old girl who has denied herself the option of ever again watching romantic comedies solely because she’s too afraid of desiring such bliss?
Pathetic, I know.
(I swear I didn’t steal that sentence from an emotional girl on Tumblr… I mean psshhh I have some dignity)
Tori has begged me to watch La La Land with her a million times (no joke), but for some extremely peculiar reason–
I just can’t.
The entire thing makes me sound so dramatic, but I don’t know. This is me attempting to protect myself..from what? Once again, I don’t really know. But I’d much rather grasp ever ounce of happiness than allow it to slip away from my hands.
I find it incredibly challenging to talk about “love”. I don’t understand the concept at all, & as soon as I finally think I know what I am feeling, I then realize I’m a clueless human. Is it the idea of a person bringing me this immense joy? Or is their contagious smile simply fueling my extrovert self? Or is my passion & sense of wonder regarding people disguising itself as romantic feelings?
There are distinct individuals we come in contact with throughout life& by chance our paths crossed at the same time in the same place.. & the potential of making something out of that coincidental encounter was an opportunity well seized. At the moment, we don’t think twice about the small talk exchanged, but the significance of introducing yourself, whether it be with a locked glance or a first name, can not be stressed more.
However, I’m not entirely convinced the whole “love at first sight” shenangbang is legitimate. Yes, our heart rate might suddenly rise & goosebumps might suddenly race along our arms, but this isn’t the result of being “in love”. It’s like a symptom, I guess. Honestly, I think it’s more of a certain curiosity that leaves us staring in awe, quietly intrigued.
There’s a particular kind of love that we experience in the dark. I’m calling it “nocturnal nonsense”. I have yet to find anything more enlightening than having a genuine conversation with someone at night. Without the sun’s rays, one must not use their eyes for sight, but instead they must develop a new method of vision. The answers to the mind-boggling questions we puzzle over aren’t hidden in the world around us, but inside of our bloodstream. & when the darkness takes away the usual escape route, the topic cues, the suggestions on what to say next, we are forced to recognize our own individual, pure thoughts. Vision is established through our authentic voices. When I ask you your favorite color, I don’t want you pointing up at the sky & telling me “blue”. That’s not you. With darkness, you must revive the memory of that turquoise coffee cup with the chipped paint & deterioration you choose to disregard, still placing it on the front of your shelf like a trophy. That’s the nonsense that makes blue your favorite color.
As ridiculous as it sounds, we see the greatest in the places that we can’t see.
& at first, the conversation might taste a bit stale, but I promise you that pulling apart the words of the most complex people.. that’s how you open your third eye. Falling in love is discovering a perspective that you didn’t even know existed.
Falling in love is when a stranger introduces you to yourself.
There I was, strolling the streets, fixed on a particular direction in life, doing my own thing. But someone caught me off guard, making me realize that I’d been walking in circles the entire time. That someone made me feel like I was a foreigner in the town that had kept my heart pumping for 19 years now. The questions they asked to examine who I was as a person– that was how I actually met Riley. When I finally came to terms with the fact that I had so much to learn about myself, I became overwhelmed. I felt neurotic. I felt confused & frustrated, while simultaneously entranced & fascinated. Such feelings are mentally exhausting, but the amount I was taught was immeasurable. Incomparable. Worth it.
The variety of views we can attain without moving an inch is something we don’t take advantage of enough. As I said before, I’m no expert on love, but today I determined that it’s powerful. Probably underestimated often. Probably not recognized often.
& is most clear to our eyes in the dark.
Sorry, but your life is just a plain ol’ rice cake. I can fix it. *insert Holes meme*
Us athletes are extraordinary creatures. We are insane. We are passionate. We are mentally & physically strong. Yet here we find ourselves vulnerable to the limitless horizons.
IT’S A TRAP!
The world is dizzy. I’m surrounded by flashing lights. Kaleidoscope vision. The bass beats against my spine. Stepped on someone’s toes. I swear if you saw me at this moment, you’d think it was raining, but nahhh..sweat galore. Suddenly I’m in the front. The Earth is shaking below my feet. I’m in a circle of strangers now. Head banging. Smiling. Laughing. Jumping. Still sweating. Cardio day.
Damn those dudes were cool.
Tori & I have been to almost every venue, but this was our first encounter with The Pressroom. This was our first time going alone. Just two twingers with a mission to have some sister bonding time & maybe rage a little to high-quality music. Okay, okay, the $20 we had to pay for parking deserves an Anderson Cooper eye roll for sure, but the memories made were worth more than an overpriced parking spot.
When we first arrived, I was somewhat horrified. Inside, I felt like a sardine in-between all of the limp, motionless bodies. I mean c’mon, the crowd was being WAY TOO LAME. At least sway back & forth. Nod your head maybe?? Vibe a teeny bit??? Right on cue, Tori & I both turn heads, simultaneously exchanging looks of disappointment.
REGRETS? Who do you think I am?! Psshhhh. Never. The title was complete BS yo. Even the stupid shit I do doesn’t end up in my closet of skeletons… it ends up being that great story I freak people out with when I first meet them.
“Hi, my name is Riley & I once introduced myself to the same person three times in one night. I once (more like 12 if I’m being completely honest) peed my pants during a track race. I once fell off a wall & landed on a plant in front of everyone. I once referred to my hand modeling gig as a ‘hand job’ to a bunch of adults. & you are?”
If you actually thought for a second that I was going to write a post about my regrets at a rave..
then I just don’t even know what to say..
GOTTA YOLO LYF3 SO HERE ARE 5 RANDOM FLASHES OF TRAP:
- No free refills. This realization brought me back to reality as I stepped out of the crowd completely soaked. Ew. This was worse than the indoor soccer drenches. But even more, oh shit. This meant peeing later was going to be TOO painful. I was parched beyond belief. I finally understood how Patrick & Spongebob felt in Sandy’s Tree Dome. *mumbles ‘water’ in dehydrated Spongebob voice* *takes out student loan* *chugs 9 water bottles*
- Bonding over glitter with random girls.
- *kneels* *ROLLS on ground*
- The exhilaration of lifting up the VIP rope & casually walking under was one-of-a-kind. It was truly an eat or be eaten moment lemme tell ya kiddos. I was exhausted, but no amount of tiredness could keep me from getting a stellar view.
- There we were. Sitting on the wall. & SUDDENLY. whoa. What is that playing????? *Tony, Tori, & Ri Bread, passionately belt out to a remix of “The Black Parade”* It was truly life-changing. I think it really made us all soul sisters (Sorry Tony, but you’re now an Irwin sis)
- *sticks head inside air vent*
- I remember it: lying on the dirt ground next to Tori. We looked up at the non-existent stars (shout out to light pollution). Vibed to the music. Danced our hands around the sky. Camera flash. Someone took a picture of our zombie-like selves. Then out of nowhere, Tori pops up. RAVE FRIENDS. There they were. Standing right above us. & there’s ABSOLUTELY nothing more exciting than running into your pals in the crowd. No exaggeration. You jump &scream& hug & act shocked like you haven’t seen each other since birth.
- *headbanging* *smiling girl taps my shoulder* “Hey, you look like you’re wild &pumped. I’m joining you.”
- *wakes up next day bruised, sore, & with a few black toe nails* *glitters falls out of hair every time I move*
- *hurts to pee next morning* *cringes in intervals* Told ya. hashtag az probs
I’d like to close this with a HUGE thank you to Foothills Sports Medicine. I am currently an intern there & without all of the lovely exercises & anatomy they have taught me, the neck & back pain would have lasted much much muuuuccchhh longer than three days. Much love.
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As most of you know, the other Ir-twin, Tori, is a trained barista who I often take advantage of for free drinks.
“Yeaaahh Tori um yeah I am definitely visiting you because I miss you! Not for the dirty chai..WITH ALMOND MILK by the way.”
Well, everyday she comes home with intense stories composed of heartbreak, triumph, & deception. It blows my mind how wild those aesthetically-pleasing coffee shops can get.. like damn, you hipsters are animals sometimes. Today, Tori is with us to inform you all on the absolute BEST ways to ruin a barista’s life. Everyone put your hands together for
the one, the only, Tori!
*audience puts hands together*
Sooooo, stay tuned if you are down for some enlightenment…
“Aye Tori, so what pisses you off at work?”
-When people don’t know how to tip.
“But I mean like regarding coffee?”
-When people bring their coffee shop chain shit into MY coffee shop. They can get the hell off my territory. *snaps fingers in z-formation* That Unicorn Frappe & that Caramel Annihilator can get outta my swamp.
“What else drives you insane?”
-Here’s what drives me insane: when people want latte art & order anything but whole milk. End of story. (Tori explained to me later that it’s nearly impossible to do art on milk that lacks fat).
-When people ask for decaf espresso. It’s survival of the fittest; people who cannot handle caffeine will eventually die out. The sooner, the better.
“How does it make you feel when I leave all of my food scraps & napkins & other junk in your dishware tub (even though the trash can is like 2 feet away) & then casually make a run for it?
-Grateful. Now I get to lather myself in your food scraps. Thanks for the soggy moisturizer.
“Tell me a few of your triggers yo…”
-Odd numbers. When people order espresso shots in odd numbers. We only pull in doubles. Way to make my life complicated.
-When people yell at me because their computer is a piece of shit & won’t connect to the wifi.
“@ me next time.”
-When costumers complain about the price off coffee…”It’s sooo expensive!!!!” Well, no kidding, that’s why I got a job here. Cheap coffee? Try McCafe or Dennys. Sincerest apologies.
“What’s the worst coffee drink a person could order? Yuh know, just in case we are ever about to brawl & I need to low key get back at you.”
-Iced Cappuccinos. Mostly because they don’t exist. Stop with the orders.
“I will remember to request that next time. Don’t you worry.”
“Last question. This is a personal one. How many cups of coffee do you drink per day? Is it a necessity? Does it dilate your pupils & give you a rush like no other? Since your constantly surrounded by such an addicting substance, have you lost control yet?”
-I am a slave to coffee. The smell of my pee is a great indicator of that. It has the power to manipulate me more than any other drug known to man…luckily it’s legal. Waiting on my intervention. Come at me withdrawal headaches. I already have migraines so these are going to be petty.
PSA: The Tori Irwin loves her customers and loves customer service and loves everyone despite their lack of coffee knowledge. She requested I inform you all that shitty customers only make her appreciate the good ones more. She also requested that you all should come visit her at work.
47 minutes spent sitting at my computer + sipping Colombian coffee (after my whopping 48 hour cleanse from coffee) + people watching at Elevate Coffee Company (no dogs sighted sadly) + numb legs that fell asleep because I was cross-legged on the floor (had to stay in reach of the plug) = this. See I am still pretty okay at math after not taking it for over 2 years now. Ya man.
When I was younger, I was that one child that took cake decorating lessons at Michael’s with a bunch of old ladies. Fondant yo. My dream was to be THE CAKE BOSS– Buddy Valastro was a god to me.. ha I’m pretty sure he was arrested for a DUI *America, The Beautiful plays in background*
Okay, so basically cake baking & decorating was my shit. It was what the kidz on the block knew me for. Now that I think about it, it may have been the only reason I had friends…hmm..
My childhood was a time of creativity & imagination (before contraptions called iPads& Apple world domination), but I had long outgrown the “Easy Bake Oven” phase. I was developing my own recipes. Yes, I did not make cake mix from scratch, but this is simply because my instructor said that the stuff from the box is JUST as good as making homemade mix…& this lady was a professional. & all professionals know BEST, right? I mean look at Johnny Knoxville. He’s getting stacked by being a jackass. & what about Martha Stewart? I mean she went to prison & would still get hired at In ‘n’ Out over me. & don’t get me started about Tupac… I mean for all we know his limp body could be chillin’ at the bottom of the Pacific ocean or floatin’ in outer space on a super duper secret mission to communicate with other lifeforms. Professionals. They know how to get stuff done. The RIGHT way.
Therefore, we can conclude that cake derived from pure ingredients is no BATTER than cake from the box.
Still going with the puns. Apologies. *shrugs shoulders*
I should probably get to the point. So here we go.
Well, when I was in middle school, I was feeling extra bored with my go-to red velvet cake, so I knew this was my cue to shake it up a bit. I needed something that screamed SUUMMMMMEEERRR IS HERE (but does summer ever actually start & end in AZ? nah.)
B R A I N B L A S T!
Zebra cake (chocolate & vanilla layered) is pretty cool. What about copying the whole zebra cake shenangbang, but instead using strawberry mix & lemon mix, which might possibly sorta kinda be like um strawberry lemonade?????
So I’m going to be simple with these steps because this is such a simple recipe. Why complicate the already uncomplicated? (I complicate just about everything so I’m trying my hardest to be mindful & not be high maintenance for once).
- Make lemon cake mix.
- Make strawberry cake mix. Aye, yuh still with me???
- Add a little of each mix (layering if you are’t familiar with that concept) into a pan. You can make this cake style or cupcake style..you’ve got the power on this one.
- Bake. Don’t forget that cupcakes cook waaaayy quicker than a cake! I’ve made this mistake on multiple occasions.
- Transform into Buddy Valastro. Replace the fam with stereotypical Italian family.
- Before you decorate the cake, make sure it is completely cool! I used strawberry frosting & lemon sprinkles. I topped it off with some dried strawberries to give it that high-class, luxurious, out-of-your-price-range, Snottsdale cake shop vibe.
Duuude, I’ve taken 4.5 years of French & have stepped on French soil, but still had to double check how to spell that. Ha. What is life.
I hope they taste decent, maybe even delicious. My pal Emma gave me two thumbs up when I let her try some (& she is a professional because she works at a cupcake shop) so that’s encouraging I guess.
HOW TO WIN OVER THE HEART OF THAT GIRL YOU LIKE BUT AREN’T SURE IF SHE LIKES YOU BACK SO YOU DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO TAKE A RISK & MAKE A MOVE OR INSTEAD JUST WAIT A BIT LONGER TO SEE HOW THINGS GO TO AVOID MAKING A COMPLETE FOOL OF YOURSELF BUT IT REALLY SUCKS BECAUSE WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO DAMN COMPLICATED
AYE MALES. I know it’s rough getting that girl of your dreams to swipe yuh back on Tinder. I mean us females often find ourselves in similar situations (of course minus the heights in our bios). Buuuttt heeeyyyy, I’ve got the inside scoop for you gentlemen. If you want to get her to have a double take next time you catch her eye in Starbucks (or is that too mainstream of a location?? how about the Starbucks IN BARNES & NOBLE?? now that’s a game changer I might add). Well, follow these simple steps to become men..let’s just say the seaweed mustache thing is a whole lotta hoopla. WARNING: If you didn’t understand that reference, then you are not advanced enough for this course.
- Quote Spongebob in everyday conversations.
- Get glittered up at Raves & Festivals. For bonus points, act overly excited about the fact that you sparkle.
- Order your cold coffee drinks light on ice– intelligence & manipulating the system is very attractive.
- Master the ability to slice all types of fruits..specifically AVOCADO (pshhh no I am not being biased here).
- Hit the high notes in Bohemian Rhapsody. Trust me, you can do anything if you just put your mind to it.
- Make sure you have toilet paper in your bathroom. I swear every single time I use a male’s restroom, I have to frantically search for toilet paper & when I have no luck in finding any, I curl up in a ball on the dirty floor & desperately cry & you don’t want to see that go down, do you???? Like god damn PEEING CAN BE SO DRAMATIC.
- Rescue a dog (preferably off the streets one day on your way home from work) & give it a quirky human name. Don’t ask why. Just do it.
- Steal a shit ton of complimentary mints for your girl at restaurants. It makes you look like such a sweet bad ass. I’d rather have fancy mints in my pocket than diamonds around my neck. #justgirlythings #tumblr #goalz #like4like
- Let her know how beautiful she was during her no eyebrow phase. All girls go through this when they first discover the power of the tweezers… ’tis an iconic moment & a traumatic one… once you start, you just sorta get possessed& suddenly can’t stop plucking… & next thing you know, you look like you belong on the cover of a late 90’s sex magazine (tears included):
- Steal the Declaration of Independence…& if you’re feeling ambitious, uncover the treasure map on the back via blow dryer…& if you’re feeling daredevil ambitious, get plastic surgery to look like Nicholas Cage.
Boys, please take my advice. I’m speaking for all of us gal pals with ovaries. This is the way to get THE femme gem (dude crying that’s the lamest thing I’ve ever said- well almost) to fall for you. Trust me, I’m a doctor (I’ve taken Bio 182. I know about algae. Basically an expert on everything now yo.)
& here we are. Here we are trusting complete strangers over something you’ve spent & will continue to spend your entire life with.. your own body, your own self.
I love you.
Was that too soon?
I apologize if so.
But here I am. Here I am sitting cross-legged in a coffee shop, sipping my 12 oz black coffee (as you might have expected), & reflecting. ‘Tis what I do. & I am sure most of you know that by now.
Damn has it been a crazy 9 months since I made the gutsy decision to create a blog. I mean I started with no expectations. I started thinking that meanies were going to make fun of me on their finsta accounts. I thought my friends would pretend they liked it to boost my confidence. I thought I probably wasted $15 on securing my URL name. I was basically in acceptance that it could all just one day crash & burn. But for some peculiar reason, that was perfectly okay with me. It was worth the shot–
it’s the risks we choose to take in life that will determine whether on our death beds we’ll be lying there as limp vegetables in a sea of regret or have a big, uncontrollable smile on our face because we made something out of our flesh& bones…because on a Tuesday we decided to stop mumbling “someday” & instead got up off our ass &screamed that today is the day.
Tuesday I made Her Life On The Veg.
Okay, okay. I’ll get to the point. God damnit Ri.. always being too wordy & descriptive. Trust me, I’ve been hearing this from years & years worth of language arts teachers, but still not going to change. Sorrrry.
The point of this is to thank you all. This month’s views exceeded my expectations. By a lot. A whole lot. It exceeded my expectations by a whopping 895 views. I’m truly honored that many people were willing to sacrifice/waste their time to read something my mediocre self wrote off the top of her head. I mean you all used your data on me. I can’t begin to explain how much that means. That shit is sacred stuff you just don’t throw away. But you guys did…for me…thank you. Not only do I want to thank you all for tapping the link in my bio, but also for the insane amount of support. I’m kinda getting emotional right now simply thinking about you great kids, particularly those who sent me such kind messages or came up to me in person to tell me you enjoyed reading my posts. Each one of you will always have a special spot in my heart. & I mean that. I really want to list your names or make like a “Wall of People Who Made My Day”. You might be shocked to hear that I remember when you came up to me at Phoenix Lights or on campus somewhere or sent me that long, lovely paragraph on Instagram. You guys gave me a reason to pursue this silly dream of mine. & that is something I can’t pay you back for…there’s no price that could compare to the happiness you all have gifted me. Can I adopt you into my family? Please?
Another person I really want to thank is Simone. I know you’re on vacation & may not see this, but girl you’ve done so much for my blog. Your incredible advice & creative ideas & endless support for this little passion of mine… you going out of your way to help me..your doings have been the strongest encouragement out there. Thank you.
I also really want to thank my other half. Love you Tori. Thank you for proof reading my incoherent posts that I threw together in those 10 minutes that I had spontaneously felt “inspired“. Thank you for supporting my most ridiculous proposals. Thank you for putting my link in your Instagram bio. Thank you for being one of my thirteen readers.
Sam. I just had to personally thank you. You were the first person to tell me you read my blog. Dude. You were like my first supporter. I felt sorta foolish when I started Her Life On The Veg & then you & your kind heart gave me that extra push to keep at it. You probably had no clue how much your words impacted me at the time. But heeeyy darrlliinngg, 9 months later *Spongebob narrator voice* & they still have the same strong effect on me. Thank you.
And mom, I could never forget you. I remember when you initially showed me how to use Go Daddy & snatch myself a URL name. I’m thankful for your advice & input (moms always seem to know best) &your savvy computer skills that came in clutch on numerous occasions. Without your intelligence, I don’t think I would have been able to figure out how to even initiate a blog– aren’t us youngins supposed to be the tech experts?
Also, all of you who are using my logo sticker. Thank you. I cried when I received those snapchats & texts from you pals asking to have one. Like actually cried. Not even exaggerating. I have dry eyes from allergies & am often dehydrated & y’all still managed to make me shed some h2o. That takes talent yo. By the way, I still have a bunch left if anyone wants to bless their hydroflask or something.
Ughghghgh I just really really reeaalllyyy want you all to realize, to feel, to understand how grateful I am. So next time you see me, I’ll give you a hug (a real hug, not one of those awkward side hugs) or a kiss on the cheek because I love you all so much. Like I said, these last 9 months have been crazy, I’ve reached my highest highs & my lowest lows, but without this blog & without you wonderful kiddos, the pure jubilation running through my veins would not exist.
You know, it makes me really sad to see so many posts about failed diet & work out attempts & the unhappiness that has come with dedicating all of one’s time to this supposed “lifestyle“. *Anderson Cooper eye roll* Anyone who knows me well, knows […]
Hey everyone! These last few days, you could catch my other half & I scampering around the Pacific Coast (which I initially thought stood for “Peanut Butter” shhh don’t tell anyone). & we were being somewhat reckless by not putting on much sunscreen or drinking […]
Becoming healthy is the most unhealthy thing I’ve ever done.
Low blood pressure. Check.
No diseases. Check.
Normal cholesterol. Check.
Low heart rate. Check.
Not overweight. Check.
20/20 vision. Check.
Adequate sleep. Check.
Did you eat your fruits and vegetables today? Check.
Hello, my name is Riley & I was very ill.
& I’ve made the decision to remove the h word from my dictionary.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed a maturation of my language. Words such as “fuck” and “shit” have secured themselves permanent spots into my everyday vocabulary. These words simply enhance my sentences and descriptions by changing a phrase from “that was rad” to “that was fucking rad”. No harm. No damage done. They just further my point. However, the h word, which is considered socially acceptable, has destroyed my life. It manipulated me. It used me. It stole the real, genuine happiness from my smile. But the h word is good right? I don’t get in trouble when I say it at school. It’s okay if I use it when talking to younger kids. They don’t sensor it out on television. How harmful can it really be then? But here is the part that scares me. When people don’t know who the enemy is, we are left vulnerable to it. We were cast the role of the victim. We can’t fight an evil power that we don’t know exists. The ignorance we all share keeps us from looking for this affliction. It’s why we still perceive the h word as completely innocent. It’s why we use it to describe a noun positively. Its destructive nature remains surreptitious, lurking in our shadows, while simultaneously it’s reflected in our mirrors. But maybe it’s our perception that is the real problem. We choose not to see it. It’s what we were taught, it’s what we have suffered for, it’s what we devoted our time & energy to. The blood, sweat, & tears we endured need to be worth something; but what if I told you that it actually hurt you? Would you think I’ve gone absolutely mad & remain in denial? And if you do choose not to see it, will others do the same?
“Healthy” is not healthy.
This is my exposition.
Yes, college in fact changes us children emotionally & mentally. Some of us experience transformations- sometimes in the upward direction of maturity & sometimes in the downward direction towards our graves (foreshadowing a young, imminent death). But what about the physical aspect????? Would you like […]
Summer break is your time to relax, yet still simultaneously be productive. It’s a time when you actually have time to get stuff done, but in a casual, stress-free manner. Throughout second semester, we all find ourselves saying “This summer I will…” or “When school […]
Put Riley alone in Macy’s for 23 minutes on a fine Sunday morning. &&& BUH-BAM. She randomly spits out wisdom.. or is it absolute crap..or could it possibly be her flesh-burning coffee?? Eh, I’m going to go with D) all of the above because I think at least two of those are true. Also, I haven’t bubbled in a D) in a while.
You know, I’ve never really believed in the whole idea of “finding yourself”. I mean I look in the mirror and there I am. What else is there to see? And then I find myself in a psychology class my junior year of high school, learning of theories about an entire unconscious part of our mind that we don’t even realize is lurking. I mean yeah, it makes perfect sense and is quite interesting– yet I still found myself treating life as if that notion didn’t apply to me. Like I’ve said before, I’ve never viewed a part of me as hidden, but now that I think about it, it’s probably because I was unaware that there was another part of me in existence. Similar to the way a knock in the head can trigger migraines, a knock in my head released a new Riley. Or maybe “new” is the wrong word. Maybe it’s not a “new” version of me, maybe it’s just Riley.
We, humans, society, everyone, have the awful habit of turning down our saturation. Yes, we all express our passion, our quirks, & our qualities, but we minimize their vibrancy. We withhold the extremes of our traits. For example, a person may express their love for modern poetry, but the internal explosion taking place within one’s heart when their eyes read a beautiful demonstration of symbolism isn’t shown. We tone down our “weirdness” in order to be normal, mature, socially accepted, & what not. By doing this, we are entrapping a special aspect of ourselves; an aspect that sets us apart from the rest of the world. The aspect that helps us really understand each other as an individual human being. & it makes me sad to think about this because I want to know you for you. I don’t want to know the version of you created by your desire to fit in. I want to know the person who head bangs to Tiesto in the shower. The person who’s almost been in multiple brawls over their fantasy football team. The person whose parent’s disapproval could never overcome their obsession with the art of piercings & tattoos. Isn’t it more lame to hold yourself back for no reason? To keep a piece of yourself a secret from the universe?
The feeling of complete expression is freeing. The second you let go of your fears & teachings & reveal yourself to yourself, you partake in an enlightening experience. It’s a moment of bliss & serenity, of purity & genuineness, & of true, legitimate happiness. I remember last November being one of the most difficult months of my life, each day spanning longer & longer, just wishing it’d be over. Yet here I am today, content that I was chosen to feel that pain & dread. Without the suffering, I would have never realized that I had barely known myself. The mind that I used everyday, that of which I assumed I knew so well, turned out to be a complete stranger to me. A change took place– it was not immediate & is still taking place. I can’t really put this change into words, but I hope you can locate it in my smile. Maybe you can’t see my third eye, but I promise you it has opened. & I really hope yours will someday, too.
This whole process of “finding oneself” is something I still have a difficult time believing, but as of last Fall, I underwent a transition. Okay, I might be a wee bit crazy. Or is it overly optimistic? You might be convinced I was abducted by aliens & probed with insane thoughts. You might think I’ve made too many stupid decisions these last few months. I’m chill with that. If you get anything from this blog post, I hope that it is the desire to turn your saturation back up, to not be afraid of the qualities that make you you, & to not hesitate so much. No more overthinking.
Finals are here. & I am out. Yuh feel me? ‘Tis a rough period for most college students. I’m guessing your semester-long disillusionment is fading and you’re finally sober enough to realize your grades aren’t as superb as you last remember? Maybe you’re in a […]
THE DEHYDRATED, SLEEP DEPRIVED IR-TWINS WRECK THE ECO-FASHION SHOW FT. NO DRAMATIC FALLS ON STAGE OR WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS IN FLAG, AZ (ELEVATION 7000) & SORRY THIS TITLE IS SO ODDLY SHORT
Whoa whoa wait. Hold up. Riley’s not writing a blog post made up of nothing but sarcasm and bull shit?? What is this world becoming?? *confusion* *chaos* Unrecognizable. Well, two weeks ago (the night before Phx Lights), I was lucky enough to have the opportunity […]
The experience was absolutely indescribable. I can tell you that the euphoria took place Saturday and Sunday night last weekend, but that is it. Words can’t adequately explain April 8th and 9th of 2017. So why even bother trying?
Anyone who has been to a rave knows that is quite a mind-altering period showered with powerful EDM and vast arrays of kandi. And in the midst of this utter madness, there comes waves of epiphanies, giving birth to these one-of-a-kind thoughts, bringing you one step closer to understanding the universe. It’s as if these undiscovered neurons are unleashed, illuminating your brain the same way the flashing lights glow along the dance floor. Well, I had a few moments of enlightenment that have forever changed my life- and might maybe change yours.
- H2O. Aqua. L’eau. Wa Wa. The Pacific Ocean. I’ve come to the realization that the bonds between two hydrogen molecules and one oxygen molecule are sacred. Maybe my chemistry teacher’s passion toward these combined elements is not quite as insane as I initially suspected. Maybe he is on to something. The pain felt from immense dehydration at a rave is eased with this sacred substance. I think last weekend I drank around 15,000 gallons of this lovely liquid in a matter of 15 minutes—and didn’t even think twice. Water is the under-appreciated girlfriend/ boyfriend we all have. It deserves a wee bit more credit, yuh feel?
- My second epiphany came about when my kidneys decided that they were going to burst. Apparently they can’t hold 15,000 gallons of water for very long. I know, I know. Shocker. Well, it was while my butt hovered over the toilet seat that I realized how releasing it is to pee. How it is a way to free your soul. How it is an act of pure beauty. Maybe that is why everyone at raves seem to skip and dance out of the bathroom, simultaneously holding a massive smile on their face. Not only this, but peeing also requires a great deal of energy. I literally had to pause every 20 seconds or so like 10 different times to take a breather. Peeing is something we must devote what little time and strength we have left in our system. It is an art in itself.
- My third moment of enlightenment took place when I forgot I wasn’t in Flagstaff. Yes, Phoenix lacks ponderosa trees, high altitude, and Rita Cheng, yet I still found myself confused with where I was. Why? Because the entire NAU attends raves. The ratio of Lumberjacks to attendees at Phoenix Lights was unbelievable. Therefore, I learned that if I haven’t seen some friends around campus in a while, I simply need to buy tickets to the upcoming rave, and then I can rekindle with my fellow jacks. Pretty rad, right?
- My fourth insight occurred when I blinked for half of a second, and then opened my eyes to the color red. Everywhere. I was surrounded by none other than what seemed like millions of gingers. We are magnets; we attract each other wherever we go. It’s just too strange. I see a fellow red, give a quick nod and smirk, and then suddenly we are hugging one another and yelling “I missed ya fam!!” I realized that I might be lacking a soul, but in return for this loss, I was given a second family. I was initiated into a cult (minus the scary stuff) that would always keep me from becoming lost. My gratitude for such is everlasting. Hashtag blessed. Shout out to my always expanding ging gang. Much love xo.
- My fifth epiphany took place when I couldn’t recall my fifth epiphany. I sat distressed, staring at my computer screen for a solid 7 minutes. What was this fifth life-changing moment??? I had to remember, so I could tell the people!!! But what was it??? Well, the answer finally hit me the same way the floor hits me when I fall off my raised-bed every morning. There was no fifth epiphany. And how is this insightful at all? Because four is enough. I realized that five is just a number. It means nothing. I can leave y’all here with four moments of enlightenment and be perfectly content with that. Four is satisfying. Four is enough. Hi readers, please don’t hate me for this one. Ha.
Woot woot. I hope I did more than waste your time with this blog post, but rather transformed your perception on what it means to be a human being and to exist in this wacked world. I’ll stop before I embarrass myself more. Peace out pals, see ya at Bassrush.
There’s nothing more euphoric than a taste of live music. Regardless of the size of the venue or the genre of music, hearing it in person is a one-of-a-kind experience. However, if we aren’t properly prepared for the obstacles that come with attending festivals and […]
Hello, my name is Riley and I am considered a regular at multiple coffee shops. Many baristas remember my order as soon as they see my face in line. Currently, I am cradling a cup of coffee in my hand. Dark roast is running through my veins. […]
My favorite part about California? Awhh thanks for asking. Well, to answer that question even though no one actually cares about my answer, I’d just like to say it’s the ride there. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know that sounds so god damn weird, but I promise there is some logic to that madness.
I mean ever since I arrived to college without car keys connected to my lanyard, a piece of me has been missing. I’ve grown a new appreciation for my Kia Soul- one that stems from deep separation anxiety. I feel like most college students who were forced to leave their family, pets, and cars back home know what pain I am talking about. I could go on and on about the “it’s complicated” relationship status I have with my Soul, but I figured the few readers that are still clinging on to this post would stop reading if I did.
So over spring break, my friends and I made a spontaneous trip to California (shout out to brother Jake for letting us couch hop & for providing breakfast & for taking us to see llamas). And after a life-changing drive there (that I may have already taken a million times but I’m pretending this one was somehow mind-alteringly different), I’d like to give an insight on how to properly travel to your SoCal destination.
- Cheap coffee. You can’t drive anywhere further than 23 minutes away without a blazing hot cup of shitty gas station coffee in your hand. **Bonus points if you can enter the freeway without spilling it on yourself.
- Your car needs to come with a professional DJ. Example pictured below:
- Make the “HEYYY HAYYY!!!” joke. Again. And again. Keep saying it at least until you start receiving death threats from the other passengers.
- Hover your butt over one of them fancy rest stop toilets. And let it all out. Release the hounds. Empty the chambers. You’ve gotta make it for another 720,4381 miles after this.
- Look for the mountain shaped like a nipple. I was going to put a picture, but it’s one of those natural wonders with beauty an iphone simply can’t capture. I’m not sure it’s actual name, but when you see it, trust me, you’ll know. It’s pretty rad.
- Smuggle fruit across the border because you’re such a BAD ASS. You can’t be tamed.
- Play the Jurassic Park theme music as you pass the famous dinosaurs that have been making all of us excited since we popped out of the womb.
- Yell every curse word/ sentence enhancer you can think of as you cut cars off and accidentally drive on toll lanes.
- And as the beach comes into eyesight, put The Kooks on shuffle, roll the windows down, & embrace the gifts of humidity &frizzy hair.
Tah-Dah! WE HERE.
I wear shades inside public places so my fans don’t recognize me. As it says in my bio on my “About Me” page, which you probably haven’t read because I am not famous: “One of the first things I remember reading in a book on how […]
Do you ever make spontaneous decisions? I know for a fact that you know the insane ideas I am talking about. We all have them. But the question is… do you ever follow through with them? Well, my friends and I are crazy. Soooo we often […]
College is a learning experience. It is a zoo, a prison, & a luxurious spa vacation all compiled into one place (10 million miles long, 100 million buildings wide, & lacks any logical pattern of arrangement) for your convenience. There’s always a new face to meet, a dumb assignment to cry about, & a 75 minute class to never show up to. It’s great. Today, I’ve put together five very very HENCE THE WORD VERY important things that college has taught me these past 6 months.
- Steal. Steal everything. Personally, I like to steal bananas and apples and coffee. Sorry college, but if you steal my future by putting an innocent 18 year old into debt, then I’m going to steal your food. & toilet paper. & anything else that can fit under my outfit or in my purse.
- The greatest mass extinction took place during the Permian period.
- If you can’t remember his name, it is probably “Jake”. If it’s not Jake, it’s probably Zach & if it’s not Zach, then his name is probably Jake, but he just didn’t hear you the first time.
- If you’re ever feeling lonely & awkward at a party, turn to the person next to you, make a surprised face, & say “Wait, you look SOOO familiar! We’ve definitely met before.” Works every time.
- Leave about eight feet of space around your trash can. Trust me, you’ll understand later. If you’re an expert at Jenga you may only need six feet.
Putting together the perfect date to impress the perfect girl is probably more stressful than that time you cried in 15 minute intervals as you frantically tried to teach yourself an entire chapter of math the night before your last test. The perfect date requires three things: […]
The chaos of college is thrilling; finally having the ability and the power to take any path without having to ask permission first is something that never gets old. We are always warned to not let the freedom get to our head, but here we […]
A new year brings many new goals for people, most of which will be forgotten about within a week or two. I mean life is unpredictable & time is something we all could use a little more of, so I don’t blame anyone for trashing them. Furthermore, I’ve come to notice that a great deal of people make their new year’s resolution to “be healthy”. But what does that even mean? What is “healthy”? Without a proper definition, how can anyone expect to achieve such? Well, I’ll let you in on a secret of mine. The word “healthy” makes me cringe. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. You might be wondering why? The answer is insanely complicated, but I can begin by introducing you to the key issue. The entire idea of proper “health” is equivalent to a pile of dog shit. How society defines health is extremely UNHEALTHY not only physically, but also emotionally and socially. And I am tired of lie after lie (that promotes unhappiness) being disguised as the “perfect lifestyle” that any decent human is convinced they should adhere to. And the people who don’t follow these rules are deemed failures. Therefore, my goal for 2017 is to completely remove the word “healthy” from my vocabulary. I know I probably sound a bit crazy right now, but I promise I will explain later. ((hint hint- there may be an upcoming video series describing the madness behind my goal, so prepare yourself children)) As of this moment, though, I want to leave you thinking about the word “health” from a different perspective- try to see the dark side of it. What if we all decided we no longer want to be healthy? Because lurking there is something more than meets the eye, & to discover this would result in a revolution against all we’ve been taught.
She eats from a trough or so you would think. She talks in a British accent in her sleep. This actually happened. No joke. We were at a sleepover and let me just say, I was so incredibly grateful that everyone was necked when she […]
Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation. Or it could be the excessive black coffee in my veins. Or maybe it was that philosophy class I attended one time before switching out. I have no idea why I am typing this blog post. I do know that […]
Hey guys!!! Finally made a cover video after so many requests! Enjoy! The link is below!!
It was on January 23rd that I celebrated my birthday– hold up– whoa whoa whoa– but wait a minute.. “Riley’s birthday isn’t on January 23rd… it’s on May 21st.” Exactly. The story takes place this past winter break. Riley, a fashion enthusiast, seized a few good […]
Once again, Ri is writing a pointless blog post about random ass thoughts that hopefully at least make a little sense?? (Be an angel please & ignore any bad grammar or typos) Isn’t it funny the way people can affect us without even trying? Or how […]
My intro can be summed up with: read on if you feel like it.
Okay, admit it. We all have girl crushes. I am not talking about a random “flawless” girl you saw on Instagram who immediately makes your entire body fill with jealousy. I’m referring to the girls whose personality& vibes shine through their smiles; the girls that you just want to be best friends with even though you hardly know them or may not know them at all. The girls that you swear if you met for coffee one day you’d immediately click, not in a romantic way, but in a i-swear-we’ve-know-each-other-our-entire-lives way. I admit it. I do have girl crushes. We all do. We all have people that we’d kill to be friends with. It’s funny though because we seem to be too scared to initiate anything. Isn’t it interesting that starting a friendship is just as nerve racking as starting a relationship? I think it all derives from the fear of being rejected. Regardless of who it is, rejection is rejection, thus it hurts no matter what. Not feeling adequate enough sucks- trust me, I know firsthand. This is probably why I have hesitated to initiate friendships, as well as relationships within my own life. I mean, what if the person doesn’t want to be my friend? What if I replied to the snapchat too fast? What if they think I’m weird for calling them “gorgeous” (obviously in a non-romantic way)? What if I seem super annoying? And then I wonder, are all us humans weird for thinking this hard about friendships? Aren’t they supposed to just happen naturally? Or are we missing out on the greatest memories of our lives by deciding to wait for the other person to make the first move? So many questions I’ll never have the answers to. I often laugh at myself because these “girl crushes” are random people I may have passed throughout the halls in high school or once met at a friend’s birthday party ten years ago, never speaking to again. And here I am, in college, far away, but still wanting to be friends. Like damn, I sound creepy. But when I talk to other girls about this, they have a lot of the same feelings. And the more I think about it, admiring other girls isn’t something to be ashamed of. Instead of disliking another girl because “I want to be her& I want her life”, why not try to surround yourself with these people& their happy, little universes? I think girl crushes are essential. Society is always telling girls to lift each other up, so admitting a girl crush is the perfect opportunity to do so! I mean if a random girl came up to you & proclaimed a girl crush, I’m sure you’d feel more honored than uncomfortable. So, as of 2017, I think we all need to be upfront about our girl crushes. I think we all need to confess to one another that “something tells me we could have a really bad ass friendship”. Maybe this entire blog post sounds silly to you, but there is at least some truth in it. I know at least one part of this post has to be relevant to your life. So if you’re picking up what I’m putting down, go make another girl’s day.
HEY PALS! How’s it going? As winter break comes to a close for many of you kids, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc. are being filled with indie video after indie video. Well, even though “if you’ve seen one video you’ve seen them all”, you should still waste […]
After moving to Flagstaff 6 months ago, I discovered a new dream of mine. It was inspired by the plethora of dog & owner dates I’d watch every Saturday morning through a window at Macy’s European Coffeehouse. I suddenly knew what I wanted in life. I […]
Yes, I am passionate about a few too many things- but is it really that bad to find yourself fascinated by everything &very enthusiastic about life? I honestly don’t think so. Maybe I’m just trying to convince myself that I am somewhat normal. Who knows.
Well, one of those passions of mine are CLOTHES. Annndd most people can figure that out after seeing my wild closet. But I probably spend way less money on outfits than most people! I’m always looking for a bargain and cringe whenever I buy a piece over $20. I mean natural selection is real. A whole $20 can ensure survival for a broke college student for over two weeks! Every $1 is worth around $10 to us young adults. Soooo, I thought I’d give y’all a few tips of mine (obviously the best) on how to get the most of your clothes!!
1) DON’T LIMIT YOURSELF TO ONLY THE FEMALE SECTION:
Hey girls take advantage of cheaper guy clothes! For example, instead of buying a $50 T-shirt dress in the clearance section of Urban Outfitters (the only section of Urban I can sometimes afford), I bought a giant male T-shirt for $12 & made it into the snazzy dress in the picture at the bottom!! You’d never guess that if I hadn’t told you. I even had strangers come up to me &compliment it!! Secondly, male hats &socks can be cheaper, as well! I mean in the end it depends on the brand, but don’t hesitate to check just in case! (This one is specifically directed to the girls out there if you didn’t catch on!!)
2) CHECK THE CLOSEST OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS FIRST:
Even if you have to just “borrow” an item, it’s worth it! I found a vintage pair of REAL hence REAL Dr. Martens in my mom’s closet!! It truly was a beautiful moment! And she saw how much I enjoyed wearing the shoes, so she later gave them to me! Listen up kids, this is how you save time &money. Take advantage of all hand-me-downs instead of complaining that you want new stuff. It’s technically new to you, so who cares that someone wore it once or twice or two hundred times! If it’s not underwear, you are safe. I promise.
3) NO ONE KNOWS OR CARES WHERE YOU BOUGHT IT FROM:
No one is going to judge you for having a shirt from Walmart or a thrift store. Anyways, if you are actually embarrassed about where you shop, remember that no one is going to ever know if you don’t tell them. And honestly if you rock it, who cares where you bought the piece from? If anything, everyone will be jealous they can’t pull the look off the way you can!
4) BUY JEAN JACKETS AT THRIFT STORES:
During the time I worked at Levi’s, never once did our trucker jackets go on sale. And let me tell you, it would require you to take out a loan to purchase one of them at full price! Every person, male or female, needs a jean jacket, so here’s my solution for you: thrift store. Goodwill has great options for jean jackets!! Annnddd they are super inexpensive, thus you can add your own rips, patches, &do whatever the hell you want to it without having to worry about messing up! It’s much more fun to make things into your own! Go crazy kids!!
5) SEARCH THE WORLD FIRST:
“Search The World” sounds so inspirational, huh? Whether you search online or in-stores, check multiple places before you buy something! I go to Urban Outfitters, see what I want, then skip on over to Forever 21 to buy it. I know, it’s genius.
Well, I hope my advice helped at least 2.5 of y’all. If you take advice from Buzzfeed on Snapchat, then surely you can trust my word. And I also added a photo of Danny DeVito at the bottom because why not?
Before you judge the pizza for being green, you need to try it first. I mean isn’t that the polite thing to do? I always see such creative recipes on Pinterest, so I pin them. Buuuttt rather than attempt those recipes, I end up just […]
December 24th 5 P.M. Christmas has officially started (regardless of what the calendar says). December 24th 5:01 P.M. The anticipation is here- this is when it truly begins. December 24th 6:49 P.M. It’s tradition at my house to open one present this evening, but “just […]
Hello everyone. I’ve been using my blog to put down a lot of my random thoughts lately, so I apologize if anyone is annoyed! But when new obstacles & challenges block my path, words tend to come easy to me. And by writing them out, I can release these tangles in my brain & finally think clearly again…”so why not?” is what I’ve been telling myself. These posts are what I like to call “this took 10 minutes to write & you should probably waste 10 seconds reading it”
It’s funny the way friendships work. They can form within minutes- when you first meet someone and you suddenly feel like you’ve known them for a lifetime. Or they can take years- made up of small talk and quick glances, until you finally end up bonding over something silly. And they can end within seconds too- the moment someone loses their temper and in a heartbeat all the laughs and tears you shared are lost into the night. Or they can take years- you both slowly grow apart and the time spent with each other fades like the ink in an old pen, until you can no longer finish your story together. Like I said, friendship is funny. No friendship is quite the same. But I think that’s what makes each one a person acquires so important to them. Because it’s one of a kind, thus no one will ever be able to fully understand the special happiness you felt side-by-side or understand the deep pain you experienced when you were left in the cold. I’ve had many friends come and go over the years. And hell yes it hurts when a “good-bye for now” reveals itself as a “good-bye forever”. But as the wounds have healed, I’ve learned to appreciate the memories we’ve made, regardless of how it ended. The ending may have not been the same as your typical rom com movie, but the end shouldn’t even have a value. I mean who cares about the fall out? I don’t want to mask an incredible friendship with the part when we hit rock bottom. I don’t want to define the time we spent together as a mistake or classify it all as horrible. Because it wasn’t. That’d be a lie. The memories we’ve made are Tuesday afternoons I’ll always hold close to my heart. They are little moments I promise to always think about when I want to give up. They are flashes caught on my camera that will always make me smile. And all those scars you hear about in songs..you know the kind we reflect on with regret? I don’t see them as a permanent reminder of my mistakes. They are my permanent reminder that one day I went on an adventure. And maybe my pal is different now, but that’s okay. Because during our adventure, my pal was my pal. No strings attatched. I don’t care who they were before or who they became after. Because what matters is that we were friends. And I can’t thank my past friends enough for getting a taste of the world with me.
If you know me than you most definitely know that any well-trained doctor would diagnose me with an extreme case of the giggles. Or that I can’t keep a straight face for more than .2 seconds (the frowning Snapchat filter is the only way I can do […]
Hi, what’s up guys? So today I was waiting outside an office for a meeting and all of a sudden I felt the need to rant. But I had no one to rant to (unless you count the receptionist, but I didn’t want to interrupt […]
Okay so yes Christmas is about a lot of things- love, appreciation, family, cookies… But lets face it. We can’t act like Christmas has nothing to do with presents (as much as our grateful selves try to convince everyone). Presents are one of my favorite parts of the holidays! Why should I lie about that? I love unleashing my creative side when I make gifts from scratch and buying silly gifts for my friends that I know we’ll still be laughing about a year from now! Most of all, I looooovvve watching the faces of people when they open their presents! Smiles are contagious and y’all know I have a thing for smiling.
The real struggle comes when you are trying to buy that special someone a present. You already have to get them something for their birthday, Valentine’s Day, your anniversaries, possibly Easter, St. Patrick’s Day if you’re super Irish, and those random reminders you care about them every few Wednesdays or so. That is a lot. And to make each gift one up the last, now that’s a whole other story that I don’t want to break your heart telling, so I will not and spare you some tissue (also saving the planet at the exact same time hell yeah). And then you find yourself at the mall unsure whether to get them the 5 million dollar watch or 5 dollar stuffed bear that’s wearing an ugly sweater. First world problems am I right.
Well, every year I love doing Christmas Angels (because I absolutely looovvee presents). And to all you folks who have no idea what I am talking about: go to your local walmart right this second and grab one of the cards from the Christmas trees in the front of the store. Then you will know what I am talking about. So back to the point, I have a challenge for you 13. 7 readers of mine.
Ri’s Christmas Challenge (I put my name in front to make it seem official):
Instead of buying your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, tinder match, 7th grade facebook spouse, or even just your best friend a present this year, do a Christmas Angel together. Make a fun date out if it. Y’all always seem to be looking for new date ideas! And what is more special than creating memories together? I guarantee you no gift can beat that. And no 5 million dollar watch or 5 dollar stuffed bear wearing an ugly sweater can beat the huge smile on a child’s face as they see that Santa did come this year. What I like to do is figure out around how much money you both were going to spend on each other (whether it’s $15 or $100) and both match that amount. Then put it together, head on over to the store, and look for the trees! And if you want to go above and beyond, choose a card towards the back of the tree. I know that kid that card belongs to in the back will reeeaaallllly appreciate that.
Every person who does this will add up. Even if it’s just two of you. That’s two more Christmas trees that won’t be bare. Or even if you don’t do it, but just learn that Christmas Angels do exist and happen to notice them next time you’re picking up groceries, I’m cool with that! But hey, I hope a few of you take this idea to heart. It’s something I’ve been doing for years now and have found that turning it into a date with your squad or your really good “friend” is a lot of fun! Trust me on this one.
I was going to end this post with a “Happy Holidays”, but then I realized I am better than that, so I’m leaving your here with a great Christmas pun instead:
People are obsessed with food. We talk about food, we bond over food, we take pictures of food and post them for the world to see, we read about food, we wear food, we personalize our food, we fight over food beliefs. But what if […]
In order to complete the transition from high school wannabe to kool kollege kid, every individual must make a purchase that is normally between $25 and $40 (no, this is not including the cost of tuition). This purchase is how one can finally feel like […]
Warning: There are high levels of sarcasm throughout this blog post. Please proceed with caution.
Well guys, it is still holiday time!!! And I still have no money!!!! I am sure many of you can relate (or at least are cautious spenders). Once again, I am here to heroically save the day! How (you are probably not asking)? I am going to pretend you did ask eagerly and tell you how. One word: PARTY. Just because you’re a little tight on cash doesn’t mean you should miss out on all the fun. It is ABSOLUTELY possible to throw a Christmas party on a college budget. Lemme show ya how itz dun:
- My first advice to you is to throw an “Ugly Sweater Party”. If you don’t have an old, dorky sweater in the back of your closet, drive on down to Goodwill. $5 later… you have your outfit! No need to spend a million dollars on some fancy smancy clothes. (Dude I just saved you a million dollars)
- Secondly, do a white elephant gift exchange! If you don’t know what that is, I promise Google will have all the answers you need. But basically you only have to buy one insanely cool yet strange $15 gift and you’re set! That saves you approximately $49087261 that you’d normally spend buying gifts for your 7824913 facebook friends. You can thank me later.
- This is my most brilliant idea yet… *insert anticipation* … a BYOE party! In case you aren’t familiar with this term, it stands for “Bring Your Own Everything”. Have your guests bring everything. Like everything. Their own food, drinks, cups, plates, entertainment, shoes, oxygen, toilet, everything. Sounds fair enough to me. Am I right or am I right?
- Fourth, throw your party at someone else’s house! Now you no longer have to worry about damage to your belongings or liability if someone dies! Better yet, if your party gets boring, you can leave!!! Hell yeah! It’s gonna be a stress free kind of night!!! *raises the roof*
- Dog= cheap entertainment. Simple math.
- Save all the food that is left at the end of the night and use it as next week’s meals! Or right when the party starts, casually stuff enough food to last you a week or two in some plastic containers!!!! Genius.
- Lastly, download the free fireplace app on your phone. That’s free Christmas spirit. And maybe you can get away with turning down the heat if people think you’ve got a fireplace running (that’ll save you a couple bucks).
I hope my advice helps as much as the advice in my last post (Phase 1) did. In all honesty you’d be crazy not to try any of these amazing ideas. Especially since it’s coming from a Christmas expert.
Phase Two of “How to Holiday” is complete.
Outside was basically a hurricane. I am a foreigner to all weather conditions other than dry heat, so I’m probably being a little dramatic. I apologize for this. But I guarantee it was at least sprinkling. I met with an old friend for coffee. At first […]
Warning: There are high levels of sarcasm throughout this blog post. Please proceed with caution. It is officially the most wonderful time of the year! It was all fun and games until I opened up my wallet only to find a few coins, a Forever […]
Most people refer to me as “crazy” because I run on my own will and I FRICKIN LOVE IT. I wasn’t born a runner. I wasn’t born with this magical desire to run. I am not a “natural” at running either. Don’t get me wrong, those things would have been preeettyyy nice (not to mention they would have spared me a great deal of blood, sweat, and tears), but eh life just doesn’t work that way *insert the shrugging of my shoulders*. I’d be a very happy college student if I had a quarter for every time someone has complained “I wish running was fun” or “I wish I liked torturing myself” or my absolute favorite… “I wish I could run”. Um… hey.. move your legs back and forth quickly. OHMYGOD that is incredible!!! You’re running!!! Look, if you have the ability to move your legs as such, take advantage of it. I know some people would kill to be able to do that, as well as even have the option to complain about running (I apologize for my rant, but c’mon guys you need to be grateful). I believe running should not be a form of punishment, but that doesn’t change the fact it is.
This is why you probably hate running:
1) You are running for the wrong reasons. If you don’t want to run, then how can you expect to ever enjoy it? If you aren’t feeling it today, don’t force yourself to run out of obligation. Run because you want to run. Simple as that.
2) You run on a treadmill. Let’s be real here. Are you realistically going to enjoy running 3 miles in place? I mean I’m sure the view of a wall or a bunch of other smelly, tired people is fantastic, but is there really much to see after like 15 seconds? Not really. Special shout out to all you walls and smelly, tired people at the gym who are reading my blog. Being on a machine for an hour at the same pace with all that stupid data about your performance is soooooooo boring. You can run on a treadmill once in a while, but please don’t ONLY run on a treadmill and expect it to be a party for you!!!
3) You run alone. Every now and then I choose to go for a jog by myself because it’s an awesome way to clear my mind and have some alone time. Hooowweevveerr, running with your friends can still be a stress reliever. Find a buddy, particularly one who won’t complain about exercising the whole time, and go on a run! Having someone to talk to or at least having another human presence nearby makes a huge difference.
4) You are all about the numbers. Dude, stop looking at your watch. Stop looking at your pace. Stop looking at how far you’ve ran. Stop looking at how many minutes you’ve ran. Just stop. Look at nature, not numbers. Running shouldn’t be about any statistics. I don’t even bring my watch half the time because it’s easy to get caught up in all the number crap, which can completely ruin the experience.
5) You don’t properly hydrate. If you haven’t drank anything but coffee for the last two days, running will suck. Get some H20 in ya system asap.
6) You run on an empty stomach. I get it, you don’t want cramps. But you need energy to run! There’s a bunch of science behind it, but to sum it up, your body prefers to use carbohydrates for fuel. Help your body out a bit, and it will help you in return.
7) You need to change it up. Okay, so you decided to trade the treadmill for the sidewalk and the track. Still miserable? Find a trail or something semi-interesting. Change your course daily. Better yet, don’t even have a course. Run up a mountain then run in a park then run in a forest then run somewhere you’ve never been (just don’t get lost)! Routine is not the key. Run at 6:52 am, run at 12:36 pm, run at 8:21 pm, try it all! If you like running when it’s hot, go for it. If you like the cold better, that’s cool too (puns ha). Don’t limit yourself to a specific time and place. Less structure can be a lot more fun.
8) You are out of shape. No one is born in shape. You have to work for it. But hard work will pay off if you take care of yourself properly. I bet you think you’re more out of shape than you actually are anyways. People complain about how they can’t run anymore within 2 minutes of starting. First of all, I recommend warming-up before attempting to run a marathon. It’s completely up to you what a warm-up means; it can be a 10 minute jog or a slow mile or whatever works best! After the jog, do some stretching, get a drink of water, take a breather, and then begin. You’ll never know you have a second wind if you never hit your first.
9) Your outfit is trash. If you don’t like your exercising clothes, then buy some new ones. Yes, Nike is expensive, but TJ Maxx and Ross have stylish, comfy exercising clothes at affordable prices! Running is more of a mental sport than a physical sport. If your confident with your looks, it’s more likely you’ll be confident in your ability. Don’t sike yourself out. Also, buy quality running shoes. Just do it (no pun intended).
10) This isn’t really a reason, but stopping at number 9 felt very odd. You may continue to scroll down.
All in all, it’s okay to think running sucks and it’s okay to hate the thought of ever doing it. I mean who can blame you since it was probably your punishment in PE and sports throughout your childhood. Running has been engraved in our heads as a bad thing (thanks society). But please don’t let a few mistakes or misconceptions be the reason you miss out on something that could potentially be amazing.
Three cheers if you hate writing essays! Three cheers if you used to like writing until school happened to you!! Three cheers if you used to like writing until your teacher pointed out all the reasons your paper sucks!!! Three cheers if your teacher would […]
As many of you know, last May (18th birthday yay adulthood!!) I got my first tattoo! The amount of comments I’ve gotten since then… ha ha there’s been a whole lot. I’ve been asked why I have a pear on my leg. I’ve had people […]
One of my favorite things to throw on before walking out the door is definitely a flannel! I have a variety of colors and styles and it takes like 0 seconds to find one that will match my outfit (because they match EVERYTHING). I buy them at the most random stores in both the guy’s and girl’s section…NO SHAME because all flannels should be treated equally!! It’s so funny because in Flagstaff you see herds of people wearing flannels. If you don’t have at least one in your closet, you’re not a real lumberjack. Here are five reasons why you should have what’s unique this week:
- They complete an outfit!! Flannels look good with absolutely anything whether you’re going for the fancy, casual, or potato sack look. You can wear them year-round during spring, summer, winter, fall (aka autumn for all you fancy pants). And if it gets hot outside, you can just tie it around your waist, and BAM you are still stylish!
- They are like giant blankets!! First of all, who doesn’t love blankets with sleeves?? Flannels are snuggies you can where in public!
- You put one on and… you’re basically a 90’s kid.
- Size is as irrelevant as Paris Hilton’s singing career (actually Paris Hilton in general). Big, small, cropped, long, you will look great!
- You can buy flannels just about anywhere! Find them at the thrift store for $5 or one of those designer stores for $200, so I’d say you’ve got a few options.
If that isn’t flan-tastic enough for you, you need to reevaluate your life.