And this is how my blog is revitalized. I experienced a drought in my life.. my desire to write shriveled. I did not entirely lose myself, but I did forget a piece of myself. Misplaced most likely. Somewhere. So I planted some blue flowers. Promise to forget-me-not.

documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit

Some Recent Stuff

RI’S CHRISTMAS CHALLENGE… AGAIN?

RI’S CHRISTMAS CHALLENGE… AGAIN?

Third time now. ‘Tis the season.

JOB INTERVIEW JARGON

JOB INTERVIEW JARGON

What better day to hold a job interview than on Black Friday? What better place than in line for your favorite store? What better time to come up with a company in general? That’s what I’m saying!

MEETING THE PARENTAL UNITS

MEETING THE PARENTAL UNITS

Okay, so you’re going to meet my parents. Take a deep breath. You’re good. “Just be yourself” hahahha LOL that’s a lot easier said than done. I know. Trust me, I know. Spray that lavender all over you—you’ve got this. 

SYMPTOMS OF TEQUILA SUNRISE

SYMPTOMS OF TEQUILA SUNRISE

TE-KILLIN-IT

THINKIN’ BOUT FLAG

THINKIN’ BOUT FLAG

The questions you are all thinking but not saying…I know it aye.

HOW TO IDENTIFY A FRESHMAN IN THE WILD

HOW TO IDENTIFY A FRESHMAN IN THE WILD

photo of ri bread freshman year of college in her natural habitat

How To Make Life HARDer

How To Make Life HARDer

I am an expert when it comes to going HARD. Especially in the summer. Woot woot.

2k18 & VERY ADDICTED

2k18 & VERY ADDICTED

You are all addicts. & to deny that statement of mine is exactly what an addict would do. Caught ya.

“Myosotis scorpioides”

“Myosotis scorpioides”

I have planted some flowers on my blog.

Got that Bra-ZEAL

Got that Bra-ZEAL

I like your Bra-ZEAL. This blog post might change your life. Hence might. Hence zeal. Hence UR MOM.

HOW TO GET BOYS TO LIKE “LIKE” YOU

HOW TO GET BOYS TO LIKE “LIKE” YOU

Yes, I am here today, as a long-time hopeless romantic with an astoundingly low success rate, to hand over some GUARANTEED to work advice.

FROM MEXICO TO VEGAS: A STORY OF SURVIVAL

FROM MEXICO TO VEGAS: A STORY OF SURVIVAL

From Mexico to Vegas– yuh I am not dead bitches believe it or not.

FUCKING UP IN FRONT OF MALES

FUCKING UP IN FRONT OF MALES

I’d like to dedicate this post to the nine dudes I humiliated myself in front of. Thank you for taking one for the team & I apologize if it caused any emotional damage. What can I say… I fuck up a lot. *shrugs*

I’D LIKE TO CALL FOR A TOAST

I’D LIKE TO CALL FOR A TOAST

It’s been since February.. wut wuuuutttt iz dis??? I am back & here to stay!!!!!! Woooot woot

STILL CRUSHIN’ IT

STILL CRUSHIN’ IT

Crushin’ it since 2017– that’s all I can say.

THIS DOGGO IS ABOUT TO DRIVE THE TRUCK HAHAHAH NOW DON’T BE STRESSED YUH SILLY GOOSE THIS IS TOO FUNNY TO BE STRESSED LIKE IMAGINE IF YOU SAW HIM IN THE LANE OVER

THIS DOGGO IS ABOUT TO DRIVE THE TRUCK HAHAHAH NOW DON’T BE STRESSED YUH SILLY GOOSE THIS IS TOO FUNNY TO BE STRESSED LIKE IMAGINE IF YOU SAW HIM IN THE LANE OVER

Ri’s coming your way with AHH-MAZZINNGG tips– as usual. This week’s topic is *drum roll* STRESS!

AND THAT IS THE REASON YOU ARE SAD

AND THAT IS THE REASON YOU ARE SAD

Came upon this little piece I scrambled up in the notes on my phone a while back– oh Ri.

BE MORE RESPONSIBLE

BE MORE RESPONSIBLE

First impressions are everything. But are they really? What about last impressions? What about the impression YOU made last night when you strolled into the party? Champagne glass resting in your hand. Shoulders back. Posture straight. Graceful gestures. Delicate smile & all. The last idea […]

CATEGORIZING PEOPLE BEEECH

CATEGORIZING PEOPLE BEEECH

Categorizing rave attendees. Fight me.

2018 ‘TIS SOME SHITTY RESOLUTIONS

2018 ‘TIS SOME SHITTY RESOLUTIONS

Seven snazzy resolutions that will magically alter you into a rad individual. Sick.

NAVIGATION

NAVIGATION

Well, once again you are getting a glimpse inside the notes on my severely cracked iphone.

RI’S CHRISTMAS CHALLENGE IS BACK

RI’S CHRISTMAS CHALLENGE IS BACK

Wreck this challenge kiddos. It is SNOW much fun.

FUCK IT.

FUCK IT.

I did what any smart girl would do: 1) cry on the toilet 2) take a bad ass selfie 3) leave all that shit where it belongs– in the public restroom & FUCK IT.

RILEY’S IPHONE NOTES–IT’S 12:13 A.M.

RILEY’S IPHONE NOTES–IT’S 12:13 A.M.

Just some stupid shit that’s taking up storage in the notes on my phone!!

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 6

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 6

If you haven’t played Monopoly before, then you probably aren’t going to get my references.

12:07 A.M.

12:07 A.M.

I woke up to the nudging of words that wanted to be recognized..

HOW TO GET YOUR CRUSH TO TOLERATE YOU

HOW TO GET YOUR CRUSH TO TOLERATE YOU

I’m an expert. What more is there to say? Nothing aye. So check out this blog post because I can make your crush tolerate you. If not, you can brawl with me (stool & Irish pub not included) Buuuttt it’s a money back guarantee!

SOAKED & SUCH

SOAKED & SUCH

Well, kids. Hello. Hey. Hi. Here’s some thoughts of mine regarding walking. It took a lot of thinking if you can’t tell by my featured image, which is me sitting on a stool, sipping a blueberry milkshake, deep in thought (& possibly staring at a cute dog-o).

GOING GLOBAL

GOING GLOBAL

Are you a neck banger like me? Do you wake up & cry every morning because you whipped a bit too hard the previous night? I’ve got a training plan for you. Aye.

ROCKS FOR US ROCK BOTTOM FOOLS

ROCKS FOR US ROCK BOTTOM FOOLS

Yes, I’ve hit rock bottom. So why not make life one giant lame pun & turn to rocks?

SHE’S A REG

SHE’S A REG

The wise words of a regular… might be a waste of your time, but hey, they might alter your perception forever. Never know.

LUMBERJACKS OR SHOULD I SAY…LUMBERWHACKS

LUMBERJACKS OR SHOULD I SAY…LUMBERWHACKS

Heading up north? It can be scary, but don’t you worry. You’re talking to an expert on all things Lumberjack.

OPEN YO MIND OR YOU BE BLIND (HA RHYMES *CRINGE* HA)

OPEN YO MIND OR YOU BE BLIND (HA RHYMES *CRINGE* HA)

Are you with me? Okay, I want you to close your eyes with me on the count of three & as soon as you can’t see a thing, I’m going to ask you to open your mind & see everything. Okay, one, two, thr-wait. CRAP. Scratch that. Open those eyelids, so you can read my post!!

DAAAMN THAT PASSION LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU

DAAAMN THAT PASSION LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU

“YOUR PASSION! OMG! WHERE’D YOU GET IT? I WANT ONE IN PINK!”

NOCTURNAL NONSENSE

NOCTURNAL NONSENSE

I’m in a coffee shop. Black & no room. There I typed away for 36 minutes. & I’m sure you can figure out what sort of blog post came from another one of my sporadic ((aka unorganized& discombobulated)) revelations….

LEMME HELP YUH SPICE UP THAT MILD LIFE OF YOURS

LEMME HELP YUH SPICE UP THAT MILD LIFE OF YOURS

Sorry, but your life is just a plain ol’ rice cake. I can fix it. *insert Holes meme*

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 5

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 5

Us athletes are extraordinary creatures. We are insane. We are passionate. We are mentally & physically strong. Yet here we find ourselves vulnerable to the limitless horizons.

LIPSTICK & LUNGES

LIPSTICK & LUNGES

YOU have been selected to receive two free passes on a totally legitimate cruise! This is not a scam. I repeat, this is NOT A SCAM! Click the link below to receive a special email with your special tickets because you were chosen with a […]

HONEY, I’M HOME! & slightly DISCOMBOBULATED

HONEY, I’M HOME! & slightly DISCOMBOBULATED

Home from school. But what is home? Where am I? Whoa whoa wait. You’re telling me I don’t need a 1:10 guy to girl ratio to come in??? Wuuuuuttt????

5 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR LOCAL BARISTA CRINGE WITH SPECIAL GUEST TORI RAE

5 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR LOCAL BARISTA CRINGE WITH SPECIAL GUEST TORI RAE

Tori takes the stage & reveals the PERFECT ways to make your local baristas suffer…& what’s more fun than being a high-maintenance customer? Am I right or am I right?

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 4

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 4

47 minutes spent sitting at my computer + sipping Colombian coffee (after my whopping 48 hour cleanse from coffee) + people watching at Elevate Coffee Company (no dogs sighted sadly) + numb legs that fell asleep because I was cross-legged on the floor (had to stay in reach of the plug) = this. See I am still pretty okay at math after not taking it for over 2 years now. Ya man.

THE MOST GOD DAMN INNOVATIVE CAKE RECIPE ON THIS PLANET & I DON'T EVEN GO TO ASU WHA WHAATT

THE MOST GOD DAMN INNOVATIVE CAKE RECIPE ON THIS PLANET & I DON'T EVEN GO TO ASU WHA WHAATT

Step up your cakin’ game. Steal my idea. I dare ya. Know who originally came up with the fidget spinner? Exactly.

AVOCADO TOAST, BABY FT. BETTER BUZZ COFFEE

AVOCADO TOAST, BABY FT. BETTER BUZZ COFFEE

Famous chef Riley Irwin sweeps the nation in search of the world’s best avocado toast.

DEAR MY 13 READERS,

DEAR MY 13 READERS,

I love you. Was that too soon? I apologize if so. But here I am. Here I am sitting cross-legged in a coffee shop, sipping my 12 oz black coffee (as you might have expected), & reflecting. ‘Tis what I do. & I am sure […]

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE. PT. 2

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE. PT. 2

You know, it makes me really sad to see so many posts about failed diet & work out attempts & the unhappiness that has come with dedicating all of one’s time to this supposed “lifestyle“. *Anderson Cooper eye roll* Anyone who knows me well, knows […]

KICKIN' OFF SAN DIEGO WITH A BANG

KICKIN' OFF SAN DIEGO WITH A BANG

Hey everyone! These last few days, you could catch my other half & I scampering around the Pacific Coast (which I initially thought stood for “Peanut Butter” shhh don’t tell anyone). & we were being somewhat reckless by not putting on much sunscreen or drinking […]

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE.

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE.

Becoming healthy is the most unhealthy thing I’ve ever done. Low blood pressure. Check. No diseases. Check. Normal cholesterol. Check. Low heart rate. Check. Not overweight. Check. 20/20 vision. Check. Athletic. Check. Adequate sleep. Check. Hydrated. Check. Did you eat your fruits and vegetables today? […]

WELL..UM HEY I GUESS I HAVE.. LIKE CHANGED A BIT

WELL..UM HEY I GUESS I HAVE.. LIKE CHANGED A BIT

Yes, college in fact changes us children emotionally & mentally. Some of us experience transformations- sometimes in the upward direction of maturity & sometimes in the downward direction towards our graves (foreshadowing a young, imminent death). But what about the physical aspect????? Would you like […]

ALL OF THE THINGS I AM NOT GETTING DONE, BUT AM GOING TO LIE TO MYSELF & SAY I AM- SUMMER 2017 DOG

ALL OF THE THINGS I AM NOT GETTING DONE, BUT AM GOING TO LIE TO MYSELF & SAY I AM- SUMMER 2017 DOG

Summer break is your time to relax, yet still simultaneously be productive. It’s a time when you actually have time to get stuff done, but in a casual, stress-free manner. Throughout second semester, we all find ourselves saying “This summer I will…” or “When school […]

23 MINUTES WORTH OF MY BRAIN'S THOUGHTS (HA SO NOT MUCH)

23 MINUTES WORTH OF MY BRAIN'S THOUGHTS (HA SO NOT MUCH)

Put Riley alone in Macy’s for 23 minutes on a fine Sunday morning. &&& BUH-BAM. She randomly spits out wisdom.. or is it absolute crap..or could it possibly be her flesh-burning coffee?? Eh, I’m going to go with D) all of the above because I think at […]

RI’S KINDA DECENT TIPS FOR FINALS PREP

RI’S KINDA DECENT TIPS FOR FINALS PREP

Finals are here. & I am out. Yuh feel me? ‘Tis a rough period for most college students. I’m guessing your semester-long disillusionment is fading and you’re finally sober enough to realize your grades aren’t as superb as you last remember? Maybe you’re in a […]

THE DEHYDRATED, SLEEP DEPRIVED IR-TWINS WRECK THE ECO-FASHION SHOW FT. NO DRAMATIC FALLS ON STAGE OR WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS IN FLAG, AZ (ELEVATION 7000) & SORRY THIS TITLE IS SO ODDLY SHORT

THE DEHYDRATED, SLEEP DEPRIVED IR-TWINS WRECK THE ECO-FASHION SHOW FT. NO DRAMATIC FALLS ON STAGE OR WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS IN FLAG, AZ (ELEVATION 7000) & SORRY THIS TITLE IS SO ODDLY SHORT

Whoa whoa wait. Hold up. Riley’s not writing a blog post made up of nothing but sarcasm and bull shit?? What is this world becoming?? *confusion* *chaos* Unrecognizable. Well, two weeks ago (the night before Phx Lights), I was lucky enough to have the opportunity […]

PHOENIX EN[lights]TENMENT

PHOENIX EN[lights]TENMENT

The experience was absolutely indescribable. I can tell you that the euphoria took place Saturday and Sunday night last weekend, but that is it. Words can’t adequately explain April 8th and 9th of 2017. So why even bother trying? Anyone who has been to a […]

RI'S 7 MEDIOCRE CONCERT TIPS

RI'S 7 MEDIOCRE CONCERT TIPS

There’s nothing more euphoric than a taste of live music. Regardless of the size of the venue or the genre of music, hearing it in person is a one-of-a-kind experience. However, if we aren’t properly prepared for the obstacles that come with attending festivals and […]

WHAT'S BREWIN BOYS

WHAT'S BREWIN BOYS

Hello, my name is Riley and I am considered a regular at multiple coffee shops. Many baristas remember my order as soon as they see my face in line. Currently, I am cradling a cup of coffee in my hand. Dark roast is running through my veins. […]

HOW TO PROPERLY VOYAGE FROM THE SAGUARO TO THE SAND

HOW TO PROPERLY VOYAGE FROM THE SAGUARO TO THE SAND

My favorite part about California? Awhh thanks for asking. Well, to answer that question even though no one actually cares about my answer, I’d just like to say it’s the ride there. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know that sounds so god damn weird, but I […]

HOW NOT TO BE A FAMOUS BLOGGER

HOW NOT TO BE A FAMOUS BLOGGER

I wear shades inside public places so my fans don’t recognize me.  As it says in my bio on my “About Me” page, which you probably haven’t read because I am not famous: “One of the first things I remember reading in a book on how […]

CRUSHED IT.

CRUSHED IT.

Do you ever make spontaneous decisions? I know for a fact that you know the insane ideas I am talking about. We all have them. But the question is… do you ever follow through with them? Well, my friends and I are crazy. Soooo we often […]

5 VERY IMPORTANT THINGS COLLEGE HAS TAUGHT ME

5 VERY IMPORTANT THINGS COLLEGE HAS TAUGHT ME

College is a learning experience. It is a zoo, a prison, & a luxurious spa vacation all compiled into one place (10 million miles long, 100 million buildings wide, & lacks any logical pattern of arrangement) for your convenience. There’s always a new face to meet, a […]

CHEAP DATE, AYE?

CHEAP DATE, AYE?

Putting together the perfect date to impress the perfect girl is probably more stressful than that time you cried in 15 minute intervals as you frantically tried to teach yourself an entire chapter of math the night before your last test.  The perfect date requires three things: […]

LET’S GET BREAKFAST

LET’S GET BREAKFAST

The chaos of college is thrilling; finally having the ability and the power to take any path without having to ask permission first is something that never gets old. We are always warned to not let the freedom get to our head, but here we […]

Don’t Say The H Word!!

Don’t Say The H Word!!

H*****y A new year brings many new goals for people, most of which will be forgotten about within a week or two. I mean life is unpredictable & time is something we all could use a little more of, so I don’t blame anyone for […]

FIVE EMBARRASSING FACTS ABOUT TORI IRWIN

FIVE EMBARRASSING FACTS ABOUT TORI IRWIN

She eats from a trough or so you would think. She talks in a British accent in her sleep. This actually happened. No joke. We were at a sleepover and let me just say, I was so incredibly grateful that everyone was necked when she […]

LOVE IS MITOSIS

LOVE IS MITOSIS

Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation. Or it could be the excessive black coffee in my veins. Or maybe it was that philosophy class I attended one time before switching out. I have no idea why I am typing this blog post. I do know that […]

Riley’s Cover Video

Riley’s Cover Video

Hey guys!!! Finally made a cover video after so many requests! Enjoy! The link is below!!

I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY

I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY

It was on January 23rd that I celebrated my birthday– hold up– whoa whoa whoa– but wait a minute.. “Riley’s birthday isn’t on January 23rd… it’s on May 21st.” Exactly. The story takes place this past winter break. Riley, a fashion enthusiast, seized a few good […]

It Just.. Like.. Happens.

It Just.. Like.. Happens.

Once again, Ri is writing a pointless blog post about random ass thoughts that hopefully at least make a little sense?? (Be an angel please & ignore any bad grammar or typos) Isn’t it funny the way people can affect us without even trying? Or how […]

A DEEP INSIGHT ON THE STUDY OF GIRL CRUSHES

A DEEP INSIGHT ON THE STUDY OF GIRL CRUSHES

My intro can be summed up with: read on if you feel like it. Okay, admit it. We all have girl crushes. I am not talking about a random “flawless” girl you saw on Instagram who immediately makes your entire body fill with jealousy. I’m […]

The Irwins Go Indie

The Irwins Go Indie

HEY PALS! How’s it going? As winter break comes to a close for many of you kids, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc. are being filled with indie video after indie video. Well, even though “if you’ve seen one video you’ve seen them all”, you should still waste […]