documentation of my neuroses, eccentricities, imperfections, lame puns & other rad bullshit

Some Recent Stuff

LUMBERJACKS OR SHOULD I SAY…LUMBERWHACKS

LUMBERJACKS OR SHOULD I SAY…LUMBERWHACKS

Heading up north? It can be scary, but don’t you worry. You’re talking to an expert on all things Lumberjack.

OPEN YO MIND OR YOU BE BLIND (HA RHYMES *CRINGE* HA)

OPEN YO MIND OR YOU BE BLIND (HA RHYMES *CRINGE* HA)

Are you with me? Okay, I want you to close your eyes with me on the count of three & as soon as you can’t see a thing, I’m going to ask you to open your mind & see everything. Okay, one, two, thr-wait. CRAP. Scratch that. Open those eyelids, so you can read my post!!

DAAAMN THAT PASSION LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU

DAAAMN THAT PASSION LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU

Passion.

The way someone’s eyes glisten, their face lights up, their uncontrollable smile–

it’s absolutely exquisite. 

As the words roll from their lips, I watch carefully.

As they dive into their dreams & aspirations, I see it.

& what I see is difficult for me to formulate…I just can’t place the right adjectives in the right order to create an accurate description.

I remember sitting on one of those uncomfortable chairs that are included in every dorm room. My body was pointed towards the window. The anticipation man. I had never seen snow fall before & as the temperature dropped, my eagerness rapidly heightened. PLEASE PLEASE SNOW. I remember listening as my friend began to talk about the nooks & crannies of his favorite music genre.. actually more like gushed as he entered the trance of passion for this art. Not going to lie, a great deal of the time I had no idea what he was referencing & saying, yet I wanted to hear more& more. The intellect. The ardor. The intricacy. The explanations. Every. Single. Little. Detail. It did not matter that I was not at the same level of knowledge on the subject, the passion in his voice & movements were beautifully distinguished. Screw the snow. Tell me more.

Without passion it seems nearly impossible to find purpose within one’s life. There’s nothing more depressing than meeting a person who views just about everything as bland using “ugh” & “I’m tired” & “eh” & “sure I guess” & “I don’t do stuff” to sum up the daily. I mean one can have a passion for absolutely ANYTHING. Some have a passion for football, while others have a passion for Harry Potter- what’s the big deal? Some have a passion for white wines, while others have a passion for DIY crafts. That’s cool. I dig it. & even more, I want to hear about it! Regardless of what it is, how common or how quirky, passion is passion & that’s the only requirement.

“I don’t want to bore you talking about this.”

I remember when a different friend said that, pausing mid-sentence. Yes, I am a noob when it comes to vehicles, but the way my friend told his story, how he grew this interest in cars & how overtime his dad & him bonded over it, ’twas absolutely exquisite. I did have to use my imagination as he mentioned a variety of car parts & models, but the devotion in his voice allowed me to understand. & at that very moment, something in the atmosphere changed. I could have sworn he was glowing. I swear by it.

I remember our conversation. My friend did the speaking. & when she noticed this, my lack of response, it was just like that.. she stopped. I hadn’t been expecting the sudden interruption. I had been so embodied in her vehemence. It was enchanting. Her passion for a teensy bean is one-of-a-kind & yes, maybe the history lesson on coffee wasn’t something I, myself, could rave about the way she could, but I was perfectly content. The passion she held was beautiful. Her infatuation with the culture behind it may be something most (*cough* lame *cough*) people don’t give a shit about, but I wanted to hear it. The happiness that shot through her veins was contagious. Her genuine happiness provided me with genuine happiness.

& that’s just what passion does.

Neat, huh?

“Okay, so who is beautiful to you? Who are these girls you want to look like?”

I made a list aloud off the top of my head.

“You realize none of those girls you named look anything alike, right? They are different shapes & sizes & have completely different features.”

I had not realized this.

“Buuuut, what they do have in common is that they always seem to be smiling & have passions & ambitions & dreams.”

& suddenly it made sense to me.

Beauty shows itself through passion.

Here we are living in a society so obsessed with ourselves & bodies & looks. The extremes we go to physically…it’s absolutely insane. &I love my highlighter (so don’t get me wrong), but I swear one can intensify that glow in a way no palette can ever with a passionate attitude. Nothing is more attractive than a driven person, especially one with a genuine smile on their face.

A friend once caught me off guard when he asked me what I was passionate about. Such a simple question, right? Yet I did not have an answer I was satisfied with. It bothered me in ways I can’t explain. It took me over 48 hours: I have a passion for people (which explains my album full of polaroids of everyone I meet) &a passion for trying new things (which has proven to be the absolute best AND worst simultaneously).

& everyday I’m still learning about myself, still changing my mind, & discovering new passions–

it’s exhilarating.

Try it.

NOCTURNAL NONSENSE

NOCTURNAL NONSENSE

I’m in a coffee shop. Black & no room. There I typed away for 36 minutes. & I’m sure you can figure out what sort of blog post came from another one of my sporadic ((aka unorganized& discombobulated)) revelations….

LEMME HELP YUH SPICE UP THAT MILD LIFE OF YOURS

LEMME HELP YUH SPICE UP THAT MILD LIFE OF YOURS

Sorry, but your life is just a plain ol’ rice cake. I can fix it. *insert Holes meme*

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 5

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 5

Us athletes are extraordinary creatures. We are insane. We are passionate. We are mentally & physically strong. Yet here we find ourselves vulnerable to the limitless horizons.

PERFECTIONISM IN ATHLETES

The wrath of perfectionism- remember my somewhat suspenseful (at least pretend it gave you goose bumps for my sake) blog post regarding such an ailment? Well, here I am today continuing my TO BE CONTINUED.

Okay, so perfectionism is associated with teen girls who want to be like these “ideal” women on magazine covers who have been photo-shopped & dehumanized beyond belief. Yes, ’tis a problem in our current society. However, this is NOT what I am addressing in this post. Perfectionism is more than a problem fourteen year old girls have, it’s a problem that your “RESILIENT, POWERFUL, AMBITIOUS” athletes are facing. & it’s being ignored. Or maybe it’s that we just have not recognized this plague for what it truly is.

The desire to be THE BEST is the difference between a mediocre athlete & a successful athlete. Regardless of one’s physical stamina & ability, the mental drive to leave it all on the field, court, etc. is what determines the overall outcome at the end of the day. The blood, the sweat, the tears, that’s what to look for…that exhausted, red-faced competitor stepping onto the field with shaking legs but carrying oneself with a firm pride, chin raised. We know that image well. We’ve perceived it in movies, in books, in our favorite professional athletes. & how can we tell the admirable, determined youth that enough is enough, especially when they are demonstrating the forte we have all dreamed of grasping? To see someone do the impossible.. how can we tell someone who appears so close to reaching their dream to turn it down a notch?

Exercising provides me a rush like no other- instant happiness. I spent years juggling soccer, track, cross country, dance, martial arts, etc. These were definitely some of the most rewarding moments of my life, even when my body ached & the Arizona sun fried me, there was always a smile on my face. By the time senior year came around, I knew it was my final lap in high school sports, thus I knew it was my last chance to give it everything I had. Eventually, I would not be able to turn to my teammates as we walked off the soccer field & yell “see you at practice next week!” It was rough to think about. I really avoided the topic of “after graduation” whenever I could. (Sports were something I wanted to view a positive& rewarding use of my time rather than a job, so I never pursued the idea of competing at a college-level).

To perform the best, I knew simply showing up to practice wasn’t going to cut it. ‘Tis the little things that add up. My diet, my technique, my equipment, my recovery, what I did after hours, were important components I knew were essential to consider. If I could perfect all of these outside factors, then surely I would see my hard work reflected in my performance, right?

WRONG.

Perfection strangled my brain & suffocated my sanity. It was a sign of my future downfall.

But it was disguised as the traits of a passionate athlete.

Initially, the enjoyment fueled my drive. & eventually, the praise kept me from seeing that my tank was at empty.

& it all began when I decided to become aware of my diet. If I ate the right amount of carbs, protein, fat, vegetables, fruits, dairy, liquids, oils, etc., then I would definitely perform better. Or at least better than I would if I mindlessly ate food. My goal was to help my body & in return, wouldn’t my body help me out a bit? Run a bit faster? Hold out a bit longer? Kick a bit further? That’s what the professionals do, right? That’s what they are always promoting on their Instagrams, yuh know? Every move, every bite, every hour are decisions being made ALWAYS regarding their future performance. Life becomes a strategy game, so one must trade the spontaneous shenanigans for a planner.

But there is no right way. There’s no perfect diet. Previously, I’ve mentioned how every single diet claims to be “the one” yet they all have contradicting ideas. So someone is not being completely honest here. It’s about the money. What diet is going to be upfront & admit “this lifestyle change will only be a temporary fix, but your mind is going to convince you that you’ve never experienced such a high& must donate your soul if you ever want to feel this great again”.

Needless to say, my first mistake was trust.

Never trust the only business in the world with a 98% failure rate.

Never.

This seems quite obvious, right? But how many of you have cut dairy out? How many of you shop in the gluten-free section because gluten is “bad”? How many of you refuse to eat white bread…or bread in general? How many of you count calories? How many of you have dropped the oils & the dressings? How many of you ignore your hunger cues because you heard that your body should be fed every three hours?

& who told you to do this? You weren’t born with this knowledge or inclination. You learned it from somewhere, someone, hmmm. Interesting.

Not to point fingers or anything, but the dieting industry is over there awkwardly standing in the corner avoiding direct eye contact.

Perfecting my diet was the first step to make me a perfect athlete.

Take a guess on how that turned out?

LIPSTICK & LUNGES

LIPSTICK & LUNGES

YOU have been selected to receive two free passes on a totally legitimate cruise! This is not a scam. I repeat, this is NOT A SCAM! Click the link below to receive a special email with your special tickets because you were chosen with a […]

HONEY, I’M HOME! & slightly DISCOMBOBULATED

HONEY, I’M HOME! & slightly DISCOMBOBULATED

Going home for the summer.

But what is home? Where am I? Whoa whoa wait. You’re telling me I don’t need a 1:10 guy to girl ratio to come in??? Wuuuuuttt????

Hmmm.

So many mixed feelings.

Free stay. Sweet. Family & pets. Extra sweet. Home-cooked meals. Hell yeah too damn sweet. 

Something about walking through those doors you know well & setting your bags & junk back into their old spots…well if we’re talking about me, I just casually shove it in my closet as I mumble that I will put this shit in its rightful place later. Later means “in the near future”, but it is often used by myself as a more optimistic way of saying “never gonna happen man”. 

Everything is the same. Yet there’s still that feeling of being a stranger.

Hmmm.

Well, summer is now partially over for us kollege kidz. & the struggle is still going on. It’s like I’ve adapted into the college lifestyle a wee bit TOO much. & here I am. Stuck. Hell yeah extra damn sweet. 

After long looonnggg looooonnnnnggg..ehhh sorta like the long kind of brief if you’re picking up what I am putting down…hours of pondering (yeah mhmm I do that sometimes), I’ve narrowed it down to 5 things that have got me going berserk:

  1. Friends. Before, all of my pals were always nearby. I mean even if I didn’t see them for a week, I knew they were still within a few miles (somewhere on/near campus). && that was definitely something I didn’t appreciate until last month when I was dying for some hootenannies, only to realize my entire contact list would have to carpool via airplane if we wanted to hang. Sweet. &&& that’s been difficult to get used to. I miss the familiar faces & smiles & middle fingers exchanged throughout the halls…*single tear drop*  “Good times, good times.”
  2. Nocturnal Nippers. It’s simple: my day starts at 7:30 a.m. (yeah I’m an early bird, please withhold judgement if possible), but my day REALLY starts at 11:07 p.m. when it’s time o’clock to see my pals. So it’s weird not being able to just stride out of my house at midnight. Now I find myself feeling awkward just asking for permission to go to Dutch Bro’s at 7:43 p.m. I mean being home requires you to ask permission to be lame. & I haven’t adapted to this one yet, that’s for sure. It still takes a second for me to comprehend why my parents give me confused expressions when I want to leave the house in the middle of the night. “This is normal mom I swear.” Sweeeeet stuff.
  3. Language. Yeah, soooo apparently the crude sentence enhancers shouldn’t be spoken every other word (insane to imagine such a life to live, I know). Never thought it’d come down to this, but these bad words have become natural. They roll off the tongue effortlessly.  Sweet habit. & now I find myself having mini heart attacks 7139824 times per day– “That is so fu- *insert intense pause* *clears throat* fudgin’ rad!” *nervous chuckle* *wipes sweat from forehead* *prays to a god that I don’t believe in* (that was a reference to the song Breakeven by The Script, so feel free to sing that last asterisk) 
  4. Cooking? Never heard of it. Must be foreign. Wait… are you telling me that food can be prepared without a microwave…that there’s higher-quality meals than that wannabe Chipotle burrito place…that coffee doesn’t come from just keurig kups???? Duuuddee that is sooo sweeeeet. This is new to me. Kinda shocking. *Turns into Guy Fieri* *Rolls away into sunset* 
  5. Motorized Vehicles. I MISSED MY BABY SOUL. *insert ginger joke* I MISSED THE POWER OF BEING ABLE TO GO ANYWHERE I DESIRE WHENEVER DESIRE. What I sure as hell didn’t miss was paying for gas. Rush hour. Sharing a car with Tori. The I-10. The semi trucks that like to play roulette when switching lanes. &&& what do you know, this summer has resulted in a traffic ticket & an empty savings account. Sweet. Now I kinda miss having to walk 30,000 steps per day..’twas refreshing for the muscles & VERY refreshing for the wallet. Cars. Children. What’s the difference???
Discombobulated is the best way to sum up the summer situation. I was hoping writing it down would help clear the brain, but I honestly just feel like I need to take a shower now. College lacked numerous hygienic necessities…hmmm…damn I really should have ranted about that one. That would have made this post way more tolerable. Hairballs & whatnot. Okay, I think this is my cue to shut up & post this..so AU REVOIR MES AMIS. Have a splendid July.

 

5 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR LOCAL BARISTA CRINGE WITH SPECIAL GUEST TORI RAE

5 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR LOCAL BARISTA CRINGE WITH SPECIAL GUEST TORI RAE

Tori takes the stage & reveals the PERFECT ways to make your local baristas suffer…& what’s more fun than being a high-maintenance customer? Am I right or am I right?

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 4

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE PT. 4

47 minutes spent sitting at my computer + sipping Colombian coffee (after my whopping 48 hour cleanse from coffee) + people watching at Elevate Coffee Company (no dogs sighted sadly) + numb legs that fell asleep because I was cross-legged on the floor (had to stay in reach of the plug) = this. See I am still pretty okay at math after not taking it for over 2 years now. Ya man.

I CAN'T HELP BUT RAVE ABOUT THAT OUTFIT OF YOURS

I CAN'T HELP BUT RAVE ABOUT THAT OUTFIT OF YOURS

‘TIS MONDAY! My article is up! &special shout out to all of you lovely people who donated your rave pictures to the “Riley Has A Crappy Camera Plz Help” foundation. Tap the link below if you want to upgrade your mediocre life to slightly-less mediocre (oooh changing things up a bit with a fancy smancy link wooooot woot) I CAN’T HELP BUT RAVE ABOUT THAT OUTFIT OF YOURS

THE MOST GOD DAMN INNOVATIVE CAKE RECIPE ON THIS PLANET & I DON'T EVEN GO TO ASU WHA WHAATT

THE MOST GOD DAMN INNOVATIVE CAKE RECIPE ON THIS PLANET & I DON'T EVEN GO TO ASU WHA WHAATT

Step up your cakin’ game. Steal my idea. I dare ya. Know who originally came up with the fidget spinner? Exactly.

Settlers/Discoverers

Settlers/Discoverers

Dig this. Always relevant.

AVOCADO TOAST, BABY FT. BETTER BUZZ COFFEE

AVOCADO TOAST, BABY FT. BETTER BUZZ COFFEE

(Hi, my name is Riley and I am traveling the nation to find YOU the world’s BEST avocado toast.

IMG_4259

My unconditional love for fruit (YES IT IS A FRUIT) and my desire to understand the universe has led to me to this new stage in my life. What can I say, I am an avocado enthusiast, expert, and proud consumer, thus I knew I had to commence this journey of enlightenment.

Furthermore, I’ve discovered that famous people get to eat STELLAR food all of the frickin’ time. && here I am having to casually grab 50000 mints (a months worth of dinner for a broke college student) whenever I go to a semi-fancy, mostly mediocre restaurant. Okay, okay, I need a chill pill.. I know. (& no this is not code for some psychedelic drug mom). Buuuttt I’m just too riled up because A V O C A D O S. Aye stop judging you judgmental readers.

I just reread this post & I honestly sound like a neurotic freak. Ha. Oopsies?

*Shrugs*

*Dignity rolls away into the sunset*

Anywho, the point of this adventure is to help you kiddos out. All of these memes on Twitter about millennials spending their retirement money on overpriced avocado toast makes me quite emotional– the truth is painful lemme tell yuh. Soooo, my goal is to find the perfect avocado toast. Like so god damn prime that your mouth melts from happiness & you suddenly becoming willing to take out a loan if it means having such an enticing meal again.

BAM

Y’all ready for this?

Bomp bomp-bomp
Bomp bomp-bomp, bomp-bomp bomp-bomp
Bomp bomp-bomp, bomp-bomp bomp-bomp
Bomp bomp-bomp, bomp-bomp bomp-bomp
Bomp bomp-bomp, bomp-bomp bomp-bomp
Bomp

Today’s Special Guest: Better Buzz Coffee- located in San Diego, CA

DAY 1- 7:03 a.m.

I can recall the basic bitch sensation that ran through my veins as I walked through the doors of Better Buzz Coffee.

“Pssshhh hell nahh, I am waaay too hipster to take a picture in front of the ‘Life’s Better Buzzed’ wall.”

So I took this insanely arty, candid, tumblr-worthy, snazzy jazzy photo instead

afdasdfaSDfd

I ordered the Killer Bee (which was quite lovely) with some…

wait for it…

wait for it……….

wait for it…………………..

AVOCADO TOAST *insert young children cheers*

Here is an outline of my observations:

  1. Very neat with an excellent, precise cut down the middle.
  2. The use of seeds (sesame, chia, & hemp WHOA MAN TRIPLE THREAT) & microgreens was definitely a smooth move by the cook.
  3. The avocado had been smashed & evenly spread with grace.
  4.  The toast was the thick french toasty kind, providing the avocado with steady support. I prefer my toast dark, so next time I would ask for it burnt.
  5. The lemon & wood board gave the presentation just the right amount of zest.unnamed (73)

Overall, it was absolutely worth the investment. Also, it is photogenic, making it a ravishing addition to your Instagram story.

Until next time,

Riley “Ri Bread” Irwin

World Class Avocado Toast Critic

 

DEAR MY 13 READERS,

DEAR MY 13 READERS,

I love you. Was that too soon? I apologize if so. But here I am. Here I am sitting cross-legged in a coffee shop, sipping my 12 oz black coffee (as you might have expected), & reflecting. ‘Tis what I do. & I am sure […]

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE. PT. 2

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE. PT. 2

You know, it makes me really sad to see so many posts about failed diet & work out attempts & the unhappiness that has come with dedicating all of one’s time to this supposed “lifestyle“. *Anderson Cooper eye roll* Anyone who knows me well, knows […]

KICKIN' OFF SAN DIEGO WITH A BANG

KICKIN' OFF SAN DIEGO WITH A BANG

Hey everyone! These last few days, you could catch my other half & I scampering around the Pacific Coast (which I initially thought stood for “Peanut Butter” shhh don’t tell anyone). & we were being somewhat reckless by not putting on much sunscreen or drinking much h2o– kids, some just never learn. Buuutttt we survived the journey, so it’s chill right? I mean there were some bumps in the road here and there (specifically on the I-10), but we made it alive with great stories to tell. That’s what truly matters. Mhmm.

It was on the way to California where the troubles went down. ‘Twas a straight descent. Not an exciting roller coaster kind of descent, but the kind where you see Ri crying in 10-minute intervals. Okay, some of you may have found enjoyment in that sight, but I’m going to pretend you don’t so I can fall asleep smiling tonight. Soooo, you curious how to start a road trip off with a bang? Here’s how:

  1. On your way out of your house, drop your FAVORITE ICONIC BEAUTIFUL INNOCENT FRAGILE sunglasses. Watch as time plays out in slow motion…the heart-shaped lens falls out… is it a metaphor…is it foreshadowing my future heart break… *single tear drop*
  2. Forget to download the playlist you made for the drive on Spotify. Make sure you are out of data first, though, if you want the full effect!!!!!! Yay!!! Now listen to the same two songs OVER & OVER & OVER & OVVEERR                                                       …&OVER.
  3. Speed up when you enter the freeway in order to get to the carpool lane. Pass that semi with grace. But make sure it is right in front of a cop so you can get pulled over for the first time ever. Frantically hand him a bunch of papers in your glove box hoping one of them is your insurance & not the car manual. Sit there with a content expression as he makes fun of your spray tan (CHEETO FINGERS). & wave a friendly bon voyage as he drives away with all of your vacation hype & dignity. **Also shout out to Tori and Erik for jinxing me. & another shout out to all of my “friends” who made jokes about this incident..too soon…just way too frickin’ soon.
  4. 18 MPG. Might I say more? The lower the better. Get down. Like downer than down. Especiiiaaalllyyy if you drive a rad car that gets around 33 MPG on an average day aka my Kia Soul.
  5. Make a blog post about it because talking about your struggles eases the pain. Sorta. Not really. If anything, I really feel some hardcore judgment coming my way. Buuttt at least I tried.

SAFE TRAVELS THIS LOVELY MEMORIAL WEEKEND. GOOD LUCK.

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE.

BECOMING HEALTHY IS THE MOST UNHEALTHY THING I’VE EVER DONE.

Becoming healthy is the most unhealthy thing I’ve ever done. Low blood pressure. Check. No diseases. Check. Normal cholesterol. Check. Low heart rate. Check. Not overweight. Check. 20/20 vision. Check. Athletic. Check. Adequate sleep. Check. Hydrated. Check. Did you eat your fruits and vegetables today? […]

WELL..UM HEY I GUESS I HAVE.. LIKE CHANGED A BIT

WELL..UM HEY I GUESS I HAVE.. LIKE CHANGED A BIT

Yes, college in fact changes us children emotionally & mentally. Some of us experience transformations- sometimes in the upward direction of maturity & sometimes in the downward direction towards our graves (foreshadowing a young, imminent death). But what about the physical aspect????? Would you like […]

ALL OF THE THINGS I AM NOT GETTING DONE, BUT AM GOING TO LIE TO MYSELF & SAY I AM- SUMMER 2017 DOG

ALL OF THE THINGS I AM NOT GETTING DONE, BUT AM GOING TO LIE TO MYSELF & SAY I AM- SUMMER 2017 DOG

Summer break is your time to relax, yet still simultaneously be productive. It’s a time when you actually have time to get stuff done, but in a casual, stress-free manner. Throughout second semester, we all find ourselves saying “This summer I will…” or “When school is out of the way I will…” or “When I’m at last free in two months I’ll finally be able to…”

hmm is that so?

yuh

ha ha ha

noo

Let me guess. You pushed all your shit to the side, saved it for this summer, made a bunch of promises to yourself… right? Little did you realize all of that shit you procrastinated which supposedly comes “second to school” (just like everything else your lazy self doesn’t feel like doing) is going to get lost in the next 3 months along with your motivation, ambition, & the hours worth of notes & information you crammed into your head this past year.

Well, today I am here to call you out.

Is it to help you? Is it to make you half smile? Maybe boost my deteriorating self-esteem? Is it because I’d rather be typing a blog post then study for the final I have to take tomorrow?

Eh, I’d say you’re on the right track. But whatever the reason, here are 5 things your wonderful, hard-working self will claim is going to get done– dude. Face it. It’s never going to leave the “idea” stage.

  1. “THIS SUMMER I AM GOING TO MAKE MONEY.” Okay, maybe you did beat the odds & get a job. Maybe even two if you really wanted to get stacked. Buuuuuttt don’t get your hopes up. This money will take a detour on it’s way to your savings account; maybe making a stop at In ‘n’ Out for some animal fries, at Urban Outfitters (to the sale section obviously), at the gas station to fill-up the tank, at AMF for $2 Tuesday, & finally to Spotify when you forget to cancel your 3 month premium discount. Before you know what hit you, your wallet will be empty. && once again, you’ll be surviving off of Costco & Sephora samples. But I’m sure your broke college student identity will ease on back without a problem.
  2. “I AM GOING TO FIX MY SLEEP SCHEDULE.” Yeah school really screwed us over on that one. Finals had us doing all-nighters (psshhh as if we weren’t already used to them because of weekend shenans,, never!!). It’s a lovely thought, getting a solid 8-10 hours of sleep from 9:30 pm to 7:30 am. Waking up with the sun rather than an alarm clock. Joyfully leaping out of bed, eager to start the day rather than slowly falling towards the floor as your entire body is choked by your sheets as if they’re trying to warn you not to slap that snooze button. I already know that you are either going to be getting 3 hours of sleep (when it actually hurts to open your crusty eyes) or 17 hours of sleep (when it still hurts to open your crusty eyes). Don’t fight me on this one. It’s straight facts.
  3. “I AM GOING TO START FLOSSING MY TEETH.” Yoooo you’ve been saying that since grade 7. What makes this summer any different?? No you ain’t. I can’t really relate to this anymore because about 5 years back I started consistently flossing (like every day not just a week before my appointments) because I’m a giggler, so the dentist could see through my lies. Hooowweevverr, I know at least 50% of you don’t, so this is me telling you that that habit of not flossing will not magically change in the next 3 months.
  4. “I WILL BE TAN.” hahahahah I can’t tell you how many time I’ve said this. Yes, I am a ginger. Yes, I still have hopes and dreams. Yes, I now have come to terms that I will always be a pale marshmallow. &&& my continuous attempts at tanning will only increase the chance of getting the skin cancer that already runs in my family. Trust me yo, every single time I walk outside without sunscreen, I feel the sweet sensation of the DNA in my cells mutating. Many of you can relate I’m sure. Let’s be real. We can’t get everything we want in life.. shoutout to genes woot woot.
  5. “I WILL GET MY LIFE TOGETHER THIS SUMMER.” We all say this, but do we even have a clue wtf we are talking about. There’s no plan behind it. None. There’s no logic. There’s nothing there. So what is this gibberish????? What does it mean to get one’s life together? Superglue?? Hot glue?? Tape???? I can’t answer that. The closest answer I have is that you will unfortunately not be getting your life together just because the temperature is a wee bit warmer.

Well kids, I hope I didn’t break your hearts too much with this sad reality, but the truth hurts. And what doesn’t kill you, can only make you stronger.

L O L funny joke Riley, funnnnnyyy stuff.

Kinda.

Sooo kick off your summer with some fun hootenannies, some beyond low expectations, & some extra watery h2o (Always stay hydrated kids. I can’t stress the importance of this enough. The average person could live without food for nearly a month, but we could only survive about one week without water. Water is required to moisten &digest food through saliva &gastric secretions, transport nutrients to & from cells via blood, discard waste in our urine, as well as dissipate heat by sweat. Abraham Lincoln said it best: “Thousands have lived without love, but no one has lived without water.”) ADIOS.

hydration yo
23 MINUTES WORTH OF MY BRAIN'S THOUGHTS (HA SO NOT MUCH)

23 MINUTES WORTH OF MY BRAIN'S THOUGHTS (HA SO NOT MUCH)

Put Riley alone in Macy’s for 23 minutes on a fine Sunday morning. &&& BUH-BAM. She randomly spits out wisdom.. or is it absolute crap..or could it possibly be her flesh-burning coffee?? Eh, I’m going to go with D) all of the above because I think at […]

RI’S KINDA DECENT TIPS FOR FINALS PREP

RI’S KINDA DECENT TIPS FOR FINALS PREP

Finals are here. & I am out. Yuh feel me? ‘Tis a rough period for most college students. I’m guessing your semester-long disillusionment is fading and you’re finally sober enough to realize your grades aren’t as superb as you last remember? Maybe you’re in a […]

THE DEHYDRATED, SLEEP DEPRIVED IR-TWINS WRECK THE ECO-FASHION SHOW FT. NO DRAMATIC FALLS ON STAGE OR WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS IN FLAG, AZ (ELEVATION 7000) & SORRY THIS TITLE IS SO ODDLY SHORT

THE DEHYDRATED, SLEEP DEPRIVED IR-TWINS WRECK THE ECO-FASHION SHOW FT. NO DRAMATIC FALLS ON STAGE OR WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS IN FLAG, AZ (ELEVATION 7000) & SORRY THIS TITLE IS SO ODDLY SHORT

Whoa whoa wait. Hold up. Riley’s not writing a blog post made up of nothing but sarcasm and bull shit?? What is this world becoming?? *confusion* *chaos* Unrecognizable.

Well, two weeks ago (the night before Phx Lights), I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to wear an outfit Tori designed, which was made completely from recycled materials. It was such an enjoyable experience even though walking up flights and flights of stairs in heels for about 12 hours made my legs a bit numb. The tingling subsided eventually, so WE ARE GOOD. Her dress is something I am struggling to describe (it was just TOO beautiful), thus I’m just going to be straight forward & keep it simple for once by just telling you what each part is made of. Easy enough, right?

 

Atlas Maps:

She not only used them for the top, but she also used the maps to create a clutch that actually works! The clutch honestly resembles one of those Etsy items that cost $50000 even though they only took like $5 to make. The clutch really came IN CLUTCH because I was sick and needed somewhere to hide my nasty tissues.

I’d like to take a moment of silence for all of you who lost brain cells reading that pun. rip.

Cutie Orange Bag:

Tori used the red net bag that holds those wonderful cutie oranges (commonly known for the life they provide during 90 minute soccer games in 110 degree weather) to make fish net. Trash can honestly come a long way. Moments as such give me hope for my future, as well.

Blank CDs:

It’s really rad to break things. Don’t even try to argue with me on this one. Esppppeecciiaalllly when they shatter. So, for the shoes, we took a bunch of blank CDs and basically murdered them. Yes, the pieces of glass sticking out from the heels can be used as a weapon. Yes, the million shards of glass now on my dorm floor puncture my feet often. Yes, on the runway I did cut myself numerous times by accidentally brushing my feet together. Yes, it was worth it.

Table Cloth:

Tori took one of those plastic table cloths we all remember demolishing at birthday parties (with cake, capri suns, & cooties) and she made a skirt out of it! It was super duper fun to wear because it was all flowyyy! & underneath she made a pencil skirt out of another table cloth (yuh know for protection from humiliation if my whole outfit were to casually shimmy its way off while on stage).

Goodwill Jeans:

& finally with an old DOPE pair of jeans from Goodwill, Tori designed a denim choker (that probably has a higher value than my life) & matching cuffs. What more can I say? She is an absolute genius. Bam. Watch out for her kids. She’s going far.

Just to sorta wrap things up (since I don’t want to disappoint my previous language arts teachers by not including a crappy conclusion), I want to say this experience was unlike anything I’ve ever participated in. It was absolutely out of our comfort zones, but Tori and I took the risk– & damn am I glad we did. Earth Day (what the fashion show was inspired by) is around the corner, but I can’t stress enough that we need to celebrate the gift of life that our planet provides us every single day, whether it’s through campaigns, eco fashion shows, unplugging your chargers, using a hydroflask, whatever. Just do it.

Oh, hey Nike! Wut izzz up yo? I did not get permission to say that, but don’t worry. I’m not famous, so umm only like hmmm maybe 7.4 out of my 13 fans are going to read that last line. Promise.

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PHOENIX EN[lights]TENMENT

PHOENIX EN[lights]TENMENT

The experience was absolutely indescribable. I can tell you that the euphoria took place Saturday and Sunday night last weekend, but that is it. Words can’t adequately explain April 8th and 9th of 2017. So why even bother trying? Anyone who has been to a […]

RI'S 7 MEDIOCRE CONCERT TIPS

RI'S 7 MEDIOCRE CONCERT TIPS

There’s nothing more euphoric than a taste of live music. Regardless of the size of the venue or the genre of music, hearing it in person is a one-of-a-kind experience. However, if we aren’t properly prepared for the obstacles that come with attending festivals and […]

WHAT'S BREWIN BOYS

WHAT'S BREWIN BOYS

Hello, my name is Riley and I am considered a regular at multiple coffee shops. Many baristas remember my order as soon as they see my face in line. Currently, I am cradling a cup of coffee in my hand. Dark roast is running through my veins. I burn the roof of my mouth every time I take another drink. There’s a lot worse things to be addicted to..right?

Okay, I’m going to start off by admitting that I am that annoying individual who has to go to the back of the line because she still hasn’t decided what to order by the time she gets to the front. But let’s be real here, it’s such a struggle when you’re in a new place, feeling ballsy, and are bombarded by a menu full of items that all sound equally divine. Yes, I sound like such a nincompoop, but I know these nincompoop life obstructions are somewhat relatable to your norm problems. Soooo, I decided to compile a list of a few of my favorite coffee shops that y’all should definitely check out. BUT WAIT. THERE’S MORE.

I also included the drink that you ABSOLUTELY need to try when you go there.

  1. Macy’s European Coffeehouse- Macy’s Special- The name doesn’t lie. This drink is basically the two most essential substances on this planet (hot chocolate & coffee) combined with the utmost soul to produce an incredible drink that always includes a rad design on the top (a guaranteed instagram aesthetic)
  2. Elevate Coffee Company- Blended Dirty Chai With Almond Milk – Okay, okay, this drink is to die for. It has a higher value than my life. No joke. I can’t even put into words how it tastes because no adjectives are worthy enough. & everytime I bring friends to Elevate, I force them to order this exact drink- gutsy I know. But it’s been a success every. single. time. hell. yes.
  3. Elevate Coffee Company again– Rude Awakening- Make sure you request “no room” because you need to experience the full ride with this caffeine loaded body shaker. It’s like doing drugs minus the illegal part. Go for it kids.
  4. Dutch Bro’s Coffee- “Your Favorite Coffee Drink” “Give Me The Best Thing You Can Possibly Make”- I get more hyped about the Dutch Bro’s atmosphere than the coffee itself, so that’s why’d I’d recommend taking a shot in the dark by ordering one of the worker’s favorite drinks. Don’t get me wrong, they have delicious beverages, but if you took away the people & the music, it’d probably look like Wicked. Never heard of Wicked? Exactly. But this is the place to be open-minded & try a staff pick because if it doesn’t taste how you want it to, they won’t hesitate to fix it up.
  5. Sip Coffee and Beer Garage- Cold Brew Coffee- Sip is soooo underrated. This old car shop traded oil for coffee & alcohol & is the place to hit up at night. & it is dog friendly too..that’s how it won my heart. I’ve never tried their cold brew, but Tori, a barista & espresso expert, claims it to be “an enigmatic phenomena that cleanses the ignorant mind and sends a subliminal message of prudence.”
  6. Cultured- Matcha Green Tea Latte with Almond Milk- Oh Cultured, you left the universe all too quickly. You impacted the hearts of many, as well as provided college students a place to overdose on froyo samples. God bless & may you rest in peace. & lemme tell ya, their matcha green tea latte hit the spot. Ah, the good ol’ days. However, since they are no longer with us today (sorry unemployed Tori), I’d try the matcha at The Flagstaff Collective because rumor has it that this coffee shop “borrowed” Culture’s recipes.
  7. Gypsy Den- Banana Mocha- You dig Roosevelt Row? Admit it, you are an artsy, nonconformist hipster. Well, if you happen to be in Costa Mesa (SoCal), check out The Lab (where Gypsy Den is located). I recently found myself at this coffee shop without a clue of what to expect & damn it was love at first sight. Definitely order the banana mocha, which is basically bananas, mocha, espresso, & a bunch of other good shit blended together. It’s truly one of a kind. & quite magical.

Try these drinks. They will ease the pain of your sad, mediocre lives. 

I strongly believe that every person should go chill at a coffee shop at least once a week. It’s a great place to catch up with friends, as well as catch up on that homework we all procrastinate. It’s a great place to relax, unwind, appease, take a breather, meditate…I always seem to have epiphanies and moments of enlightenment while inhaling a smooth cup of coffee.

P.S. There will be a part 2, 3, 4, etc. of this post because as I proudly stated earlier, I, Riley Irwin am an addict.

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HOW TO PROPERLY VOYAGE FROM THE SAGUARO TO THE SAND

HOW TO PROPERLY VOYAGE FROM THE SAGUARO TO THE SAND

My favorite part about California? Awhh thanks for asking. Well, to answer that question even though no one actually cares about my answer, I’d just like to say it’s the ride there. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know that sounds so god damn weird, but I […]

HOW NOT TO BE A FAMOUS BLOGGER

HOW NOT TO BE A FAMOUS BLOGGER

I wear shades inside public places so my fans don’t recognize me.  As it says in my bio on my “About Me” page, which you probably haven’t read because I am not famous: “One of the first things I remember reading in a book on how […]

CRUSHED IT.

CRUSHED IT.

Do you ever make spontaneous decisions?

I know for a fact that you know the insane ideas I am talking about. We all have them. But the question is… do you ever follow through with them?

Well, my friends and I are crazy. Soooo we often find ourselves making split-second choices that lack rational thought about the possible future consequences. Thus, at the end of every week, we normally have a stellar, somewhat ridiculous story to tell. But it was on February 18th at 12:17 a.m. that we made one of our most nonsensical decisions yet. We decided within a span of about 13 seconds that the next day we would drive from Flagstaff to Chandler to none other but a rave. I mean pshhh what could possibly go wrong?

Ha.

February 18th 12:17 a.m.

*The Ginger Illuminati (Tori, Ri, & Nat) all exchange glances*

“Who’s down to go to Crush tomorrow”

*a triangle of smirks*

February 18th 9:34 a.m.

“Wait… are we actually buying tickers or”

February 18th 1:07 p.m.

*3 ticket purchases later*

“We need to leave by 1:30”

February 18th 2:11 p.m.

*frantically searches for car in parking garage*

*spills coffee*

*soaked in rain*

February 18th 2:34 p.m.

“Hell yes! I found the car!”

February 18th 4-ish p.m.

*shops at a Walmart located in  judgmental, white-privileged community*

*gets weird looks at our rave outfits*

February 18th 5:32 p.m.

*arrives*

*drenches each other in pink glitter*

*Riley smuggles cliff bar in pants*

February 18th 5:34 p.m.

*exits rave because not willing to throw away Nat’s cough drops or Tori’s Ginger Spice flavored chapstick*

*Riley smuggles cliff bar in rave via pants again*

As we walked in, time became an insignificant, inaccurate form of measurement.. we had entered The Twilight Zone.

*Peace, Love, Unity, Respect*

*Candy*

*Sees entire NAU including ambassadors from orientation*

*Meets Eric, Tony, & Molly*

*Becomes one with music*

*Stays hydrated* -quick shoutout to Eric for providing an endless supply of H2O

*Butt is wet, shorts are soaked from sitting in water*

*Kaleidoscope eyes*

*Jumping*

*Dancing*

*Vibing*

*Tells everyone we are triplets*

*Everyone believes us*

*Porta potty*

*Lights*

*WOOT WOOT*

February 19th After Rave- Time is still irrelevant 

*Goes to IHOP for some black coffee and french fries*

*Wears only socks because shoes are muddy and wet*

*Meets drunk lady in bathroom who reminiscences about her old rave days*

*Drunk lady gives Ri and Nat life advice*

*Drunk lady randomly sits at our table*

“Wow I love you guys!! Let’s all be friends”

*Tori “accidentally” leaves with her IHOP coffee cup.. again.*

*Nat, Tori, and Ri crash at Sam’s dorm at GCU*

“GCU- God Can’t Unsee.”

I hope you all enjoyed this play-by-play of our spontaneous decision to go to a rave. Yes, you are allowed to judge us, but I truly hope you get something from this post. I truly hope that maybe next time you have a crazy idea, that you take a risk and go for it. Because even if it doesn’t work out perfectly, it’ll make a great story to tell later. & it’s the stupid moments that will create the deepest bonds with your friends. & it’s the lame choices that form the memories you will hold closest in your heart. So, my 13 readers, today I am telling you to stop thinking so much, just go for it.

5 VERY IMPORTANT THINGS COLLEGE HAS TAUGHT ME

5 VERY IMPORTANT THINGS COLLEGE HAS TAUGHT ME

College is a learning experience. It is a zoo, a prison, & a luxurious spa vacation all compiled into one place (10 million miles long, 100 million buildings wide, & lacks any logical pattern of arrangement) for your convenience. There’s always a new face to meet, a […]

CHEAP DATE, AYE?

CHEAP DATE, AYE?

Putting together the perfect date to impress the perfect girl is probably more stressful than that time you cried in 15 minute intervals as you frantically tried to teach yourself an entire chapter of math the night before your last test.  The perfect date requires three things: […]

LET’S GET BREAKFAST

LET’S GET BREAKFAST

The chaos of college is thrilling; finally having the ability and the power to take any path without having to ask permission first is something that never gets old. We are always warned to not let the freedom get to our head, but here we are letting the freedom make our decisions, choosing not to listen to that gibberish. I mean the rush we get from getting ice cream at 2 a.m. when we have an 8 a.m. class the next morning can never be truly understood. What can I say- we are just silly. It’s something LAME we could never get away with in high school, so now it’s suddenly irresistible to try when in college. Gotta mark it off the bucket list am I right? But for real, with all these random outings to random places, far-off or near, absurdly safe or absolutely reckless, there seems to linger a feeling of emptiness. It’s on the Sunday nights that I tend to find myself missing home the most. Missing the spaghetti squash dinner we would have at the end of every week. When we’d sit around the table conversing, while simultaneously trying to get the perfect amount of spaghetti on our forks (you know just enough to fit in your mouth, but not so much you get sauce all over your face). To be honest, I’ve never been all that great at multitasking. And as exciting as it is to live life doing what you want whenever you want, it is the habitual acts that keep me grounded. It’s the habitual acts that make the most hectic, frustrating weeks stable again. It’s these moments that I continually devote time to every week that hold me accountable. My mind can’t spiral into insanity and be completely lost if I have a habitual act to bring me back to reality at the conclusion of each week. Does this make sense at all?

I’ve really come to appreciate Saturday mornings up here in Flagstaff. Regardless of the sleep deprivation, regardless of the weather, regardless of what took place and what will take place, Tori and I always make time on Saturday morning to get breakfast together at Macy’s (our favorite coffee shop downtown). When I’m struggling to get through the week, it’s always something to look forward to; it gets me through the days when I’m sitting in front of my chemistry book ready to burst into tears. It’s something that I can predict, even when life is being an unpredictable asshole. The weeks where I’m busy from sunrise to sunset, making sweet memories (most likely captured on my polaroid), I still have a breakfast to reflect on the crazy 7 days I conquered. To look back on all of the accomplishments I achieved in those 168 hours. A reminder to grasp those 10,080 minutes in my hands and promise to never let them fly away. It’s a pat on the back because those 604,800 seconds I survived told me that there’s only good things to come in the future.

I think all of us human beings need a Saturday/Sunday morning breakfast tradition. Whether it be with your mom, dad, sister, brother, friend, colleague, that person who lives across the hall– make a tradition. We all need some eggs and avocado toast to keep us in check. To remind us that the tears we shed last night over some stupid boy (or girl) are nothing compared to these beautiful chocolate chip pancakes on our plate. To remind us that the embarassing shit we did last night when we were completely wasted can be giggled away over a strong cup of coffee. To remind us that the  8 page essay we spent all night writing is making this acai bowl taste that much better. And across the table sits your droopy eyed pal, who probably needs this tradition just as much as you do. Who may need a hug or a kiss on the cheek or maybe just a nice, warm breakfast.

You down?

Don’t Say The H Word!!

Don’t Say The H Word!!

H*****y A new year brings many new goals for people, most of which will be forgotten about within a week or two. I mean life is unpredictable & time is something we all could use a little more of, so I don’t blame anyone for […]

FIVE EMBARRASSING FACTS ABOUT TORI IRWIN

FIVE EMBARRASSING FACTS ABOUT TORI IRWIN

She eats from a trough or so you would think. She talks in a British accent in her sleep. This actually happened. No joke. We were at a sleepover and let me just say, I was so incredibly grateful that everyone was necked when she […]

LOVE IS MITOSIS

LOVE IS MITOSIS

Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation. Or it could be the excessive black coffee in my veins. Or maybe it was that philosophy class I attended one time before switching out. I have no idea why I am typing this blog post. I do know that it was on a Sunday morning, my wedges clicked on the ice as I struggled to speed walk back to campus. I felt like an elderly lady as I complained about my immense bunion pain and apologized for continually whacking my bulky purse at Tori. Like I said, maybe the cold weather was starting to cloud my thoughts. Maybe I had been narcotized by the almond milk I had with breakfast. Or was it me just being weird- again?

Tori and I, just like any eighteen year old’s who are convinced they’ve seen and felt it all, had a deep conversation about love.. I mean what even is it?

love
noun
1.
an intense feeling of deep affection.
“babies fill parents with intense feelings of love”
synonyms: deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment;
2.
a person or thing that one loves.
“she was the love of his life”
synonyms: beloved, loved one, love of one’s life, dear, dearest, dear one, darling, sweetheart, sweet, angel, honey;
verb
1.
feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).
“do you love me?”
synonyms: care very much for, feel deep affection for, hold very dear, adore, think the world of, be devoted to, dote on, idolize, worship;

I am calling bullshit.

There are numerous aspects of life that I choose not to accept and this is definitely one of them. I truly believe in my heart that love is a word that can’t be defined. Love isn’t anything. It is everything.

Some people say that the word “love” is overused. That it lacks meaning when said so often. But how can it lack meaning when it is the one speaking of it that gives it meaning? Like I stated previously, love isn’t one specific thing. It’s definition is different to everyone. And the love one has for each person, place, thing, and action in their life are unique. Love is an individual. The love I feel for one person is something only I will know and I can never feel that same love for anyone else.

Love is more than romance and passion. Love is more than the person you want to go down on one knee for. Love is that person you want to lay on the floor with in fuzzy socks, laughing at the infinite possibilities both your futures hold. Love is that peanut butter and banana toast you quietly enjoyed last night for dessert. Love is that bridge you drive under everyday; the one with the breathtaking view you vow never to take a picture of. Love is the way your eyes light up when a stranger lets you pet their dog. Love is that friend you just wish had the slightest clue about how many heads they turn when they sashay around a room. Love is everything. It’s something we all feel, but leaves us unsatisfied as we try to describe it to our friends.

Sometimes love lifts people higher than the sun, providing them with a smile that even the worst news can’t break. And sometimes love knocks the wind out of people, leaving a pain in their gut that even the strongest of medications can’t ease. And sometimes love is right in between. It leaves people confused why they can feel electricity racing under their skin like the computer pinball game we all remember playing as a child. Love can be beautiful and ugly at the same time.

And love isn’t something we acquire with age; love is the umbilical cord that gives a baby the oxygen and nutrients it needs to survive. Love is the universe: the planets, the galaxies, the black holes, the darkest parts of space that we don’t know exist. Love is mitosis. Love regenerates and grows.

Tori told me the love she felt for a person was identical to the awe she experiences when her eyes discover that one piece of art in a museum. And I believe that love feels like the moment you suddenly uncover the deeper meaning of that one piece of art your eyes discover in a museum. She told me that “you fall in love with your perspective of a person– your understanding of who they are might be completely different than someone else’s. Their little details that no one else will ever see captivate you.” It is the wrinkles you try to rid with cream. The wrinkles from that big smile you wore more often than your favorite pair of shoes. The wrinkles you cringe at in the mirror that everyone else finds so beautiful about you. That is love.

Since love can’t be defined, I could describe it forever. As frustrating as it is not to know the meaning of a single word composed of only four letters, it’s okay. That’s the beauty of it. Love is mysterious. Love can’t be prepared for since we never know what to expect. Maybe that’s why people claim that there is an absence of love in our world. Maybe they just don’t know where to find it. That love is in every fracture and crevice. Love isn’t meant to be understood or mastered;

Love is.

Riley’s Cover Video

Riley’s Cover Video

Hey guys!!! Finally made a cover video after so many requests! Enjoy! The link is below!!

I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY

I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY

It was on January 23rd that I celebrated my birthday– hold up– whoa whoa whoa– but wait a minute.. “Riley’s birthday isn’t on January 23rd… it’s on May 21st.” Exactly. The story takes place this past winter break. Riley, a fashion enthusiast, seized a few good […]

It Just.. Like.. Happens.

It Just.. Like.. Happens.

Once again, Ri is writing a pointless blog post about random ass thoughts that hopefully at least make a little sense?? (Be an angel please & ignore any bad grammar or typos)

Isn’t it funny the way people can affect us without even trying? Or how people can affect us & we don’t even realize that we are being affected? It just.. like.. happens.

We encounter people- for a split second our gazes met or maybe all I had heard was your name, & suddenly I’m fascinated. Like, who is this person? && then comes the question of why do I even care? Why does this mystery stranger stand out in the crowd to me? &&& next thing you know, you see them again. You’re thinking about them again. But you know nothing about them, only that you want to know more about them. You find yourself wondering how they spend their days..& did they notice you the same? You find yourself hoping to run into them somewhere once more. But why? Why do we care so much about someone we have never met? Why do we want to know them so bad? Is the universe using gravity to pull us together? Are we supposed to cross paths eventually? Is some kind of invisible force screaming we could have a solid conversation? That maybe you’d understand the jokes I make that no one else seems to get? Honestly, who knows. I think it’s quite hilarious that complete strangers can have such a strong hold on us & simultaneously have no clue of their power. How a stranger has no idea that their presence is desired, that their presence is on someone’s mind, that their mere existence one day impacted someone. & they weren’t even trying. & yet they will never know that this has occurred.

I’ve recently had friends point out to me that they’ve caught a new light in my eyes. A light that comes about when certain people are brought up. Whether I say their names, their names are said to me, I see them, or something reminds me of them, it’s as if I suddenly glisten. Moments as such I have lacked notice of, for the lights in our own eyes are not visible to our own selves. I wouldn’t even know what so-called “light” to look for since our eyes don’t actually light up like a frickin lamp or something. Once again, I think it’s funny how someone can affect me in ways I will never notice. & when this stuff is pointed out, I am often somewhat shocked…I mean why is this person affecting me? It’s kind of embarrassing. Why must I blush &giggle like a little kid when they enter my mind? I didn’t give them permission to be there. & how do I make it stop? How do I keep the person from influencing me? & here I am all nervous, slurring words, jumbling sentences, forgetting all my greatest puns. Here I am focusing on each step I take– wait do I walk weird?? Here I am being driven insane by someone who is LITERALLY not doing anything to me. How can someone I don’t even see everyday have such a large impact on me? It just blows my mind how much other people can affect us without even realizing it. I tried to reflect on my recent decisions & it started to make me wonder.. how many of these decisions were influenced by other people & how many of those people have little significance in my life? And why did I let these people have a say in my actions (basically my future) when they hadn’t even said anything to me?

If you’re looking for a purpose in this post, I apologize. Or if you’re looking for answers to any of these questions, I honestly don’t have them. I’m just describing the shit I observe that gets me thinking. That’s kinda sorta it.

A DEEP INSIGHT ON THE STUDY OF GIRL CRUSHES

A DEEP INSIGHT ON THE STUDY OF GIRL CRUSHES

My intro can be summed up with: read on if you feel like it. Okay, admit it. We all have girl crushes. I am not talking about a random “flawless” girl you saw on Instagram who immediately makes your entire body fill with jealousy. I’m […]

The Irwins Go Indie

The Irwins Go Indie

HEY PALS! How’s it going? As winter break comes to a close for many of you kids, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc. are being filled with indie video after indie video. Well, even though “if you’ve seen one video you’ve seen them all”, you should still waste […]

THE ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE STORY OF KARMA & BEANIE’S FIRST HIKE EVER

THE ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE STORY OF KARMA & BEANIE’S FIRST HIKE EVER

 After moving to Flagstaff 6 months ago, I discovered a new dream of mine. It was inspired by the plethora of dog & owner dates I’d watch every Saturday morning through a window at Macy’s European Coffeehouse. I suddenly knew what I wanted in life. I decided in order to find happiness, I needed to adopt a dog on death row, live in a van, and solve mysteries together. But let’s be real here, with college going on, that fantasy wasn’t going to happen any time soon. So, when I came home winter break, with my broken-heart and all, I realized that I had six dogs who could temporarily fill that void- well, actually four a week later. Yeah I know, it was definitely a “Welcome Home Riley! Life Is PoopShitCrap” kind of week. Ha. Buuuutttt back to the story.. okay, so Tori and I decided to take two of our dogs, Karma and Beanie, both of which have social anxiety & extreme cases of couch potato syndrome, out for a hike. Well, here is how it went..

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Karma didn’t even make it to the car. Nice.

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Beanie beat the odds & successfully made it to the car.

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Beanie’s First Pee Break
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Beanie’s Second Pee Break
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Beanie’s 11th Pee Break
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Beanie about to take another pee break.
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Finally reached the trail head!
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17 seconds after reaching the trail head, Beanie decides it is time to go back.
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Refueling after the journey. Stay hydrated kids.

Pals, I hope you enjoyed this photo story of my naked dog. The hike may have been super duper short, but baby steps yuh know? We took many pictures because did you even go on a hike if you don’t take 530918472 pictures of yourself to post for the world to see? I mean everyone will be so amazed to know you walked a mile uphill and you wear sports bras when you exercise!! (Unfortunately, Beanie never reached the top, so we didn’t see a point in taking a sports bra pic of him flexing his limbs). Honestly, I have no idea what the purpose of this blog post is or why any of you took the time to read it, but kudos to you!! Have a great weekend!!! xo

Empty Wallet, Full Closet

Empty Wallet, Full Closet

Yes, I am passionate about a few too many things- but is it really that bad to find yourself fascinated by everything &very enthusiastic about life? I honestly don’t think so. Maybe I’m just trying to convince myself that I am somewhat normal. Who knows. […]

Um Why Is That Pizza Green?

Um Why Is That Pizza Green?

Before you judge the pizza for being green, you need to try it first. I mean isn’t that the polite thing to do? I always see such creative recipes on Pinterest, so I pin them. Buuuttt rather than attempt those recipes, I end up just […]

In a Holidaze

In a Holidaze

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December 24th 5 P.M.

Christmas has officially started (regardless of what the calendar says).

December 24th 5:01 P.M.

The anticipation is here- this is when it truly begins.

December 24th 6:49 P.M.

It’s tradition at my house to open one present this evening, but “just one” always turns into “just one more please” & we tend to get carried away.

December 24th 7:07 P.M.

*Pretends there is not enough room for all the cookies to evenly bake on the pan, so I have no choice but to eat a few pieces of raw cookie dough*

December 24th 7:21 P.M.

*Drinks the World’s Finest Hot Chocolate and casually becomes drunk on holiday spirit*

December 24th 9:24 P.M.

Ends the night with Shrek the Halls because.

(I decided to cut that sentence off because who needs an explanation.. I mean it’s Shrek).

December 24th 9:24 P.M.

*Leaves carrots for the reindeer. And three mediocre-looking, maybe broken cookies (no one ending up eating) for Santa(s)*

December 24th 10:32 P.M.

I decide that I am going to bed early because I am actually 6 years old and still find myself rising before the sun does every Christmas morning.

December 24th 11:59 P.M.

I lied to myself. I am still awake. Counting down the clock. Watching 90’s cartoons. Petting my dog. Thinking deep thoughts about the universe.

December 25th 12:00 A.M.

I’d say “Merry Christmas”, but like I said, Christmas began on December 24th at 5 P.M.

December 25th 5:45 A.M.

*Checks trash can for carrots and cookies* …just to make sure

And finally, my gift to y’all are two amazing recipes that will rock your fuzzy socks off-

The World’s Finest Hot Chocolate Recipe (if it sucks blame Tori):

Ingredients:

  • 3 Scoops of Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate Chips
  • Approximately 12 oz of Almond Milk
  • 1 Heaping Teaspoon of Cocoa Powder and/or Cinnamon
  • 1 Mini Candy Cane (Because it looks cute)
  • Mini Marshmallows on the top.

Steps:

  1. Duuuude if you don’t know how to make hot chocolate by now, then you are out of luck and probably need to reevaluate your life.

The World’s Finest Cookie Recipe:

Ingredients:

  • Pillsbury Holiday Cookies (The one’s with either the reindeer, Christmas trees, or snowmen printed on them)

Beeeeecause why spend time and energy on homemade cookies when these beautiful things exist? Am I right or am I right?

Steps:

1) Go to the store.

2) Buy them.

3) Eat some dough.

4) Bake. Burn a few (every house contains a person who prefers them VERY well-done).

5) Eat some cookies.

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful, holly jolly, amazing, magical, fantastic, Christmas-y Christmas! And don’t forget to dress your pets in festive outfits and shake your presents when no one is watching. xo

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The Farewell Friends

The Farewell Friends

Hello everyone. I’ve been using my blog to put down a lot of my random thoughts lately, so I apologize if anyone is annoyed! But when new obstacles & challenges block my path, words tend to come easy to me. And by writing them out, […]

SMILE, YO

SMILE, YO

If you know me than you most definitely know that any well-trained doctor would diagnose me with an extreme case of the giggles. Or that I can’t keep a straight face for more than .2 seconds (the frowning Snapchat filter is the only way I can do […]

Just My Rant About Your Worth No Big Deal

Just My Rant About Your Worth No Big Deal

Hi, what’s up guys? So today I was waiting outside an office for a meeting and all of a sudden I felt the need to rant. But I had no one to rant to (unless you count the receptionist, but I didn’t want to interrupt her Facebook stalking). I know y’all find yourself in similar situations.  In a span of ten minutes I typed like a maniac in the notes on my iphone. And I decided to copy and paste them here. Tada! Yay!

I think the biggest mistake I’ve ever done is letting others determine my worth. I think it’s an issue most people struggle with. Just because a boy doesn’t text you back or your friends don’t post the picture you took together shouldn’t be interpreted as you not being good enough. I remember feeling heart broken when I found myself in a situation as such. But why? Our self-esteem shouldn’t derive from what the “popular” people think. It shouldn’t be based on how many likes your instagram photo gets. I remember I used to alter my personality when trying to impress groups of people I desired to be friends with. But even if I accomplished that, who were they even friends with? Not Riley. As I slowly transitioned into allowing my true self to show, it’s like a weight was lifted off my chest. Yes, rejection still hurts me just the same. Actually, it hurts a little bit more since I am putting my complete self out in the open now. But the relationships that have come from just being myself are friendships I know will last a lifetime. My friends love my quirky and silly attitude, which was something I was ashamed off for the longest time. They appreciate my crazy music taste and “harmonize” with me rather than judge my off-key notes. And most of all, they see my flaws as unique qualities that make me Ri. Yes it’s important to not live a life of isolation because you chose not to care about what anybody thinks. But it’s also important to be you. Wear those retro shoes you got from a thrift store, dye your hair neon blue, embrace your secret obsession with boy bands. Go for it. You’re afraid someone is going to judge you? I understand that. I was too. But guess what? I want to hear your life story. I want you to sit down with me at a coffee shop and tell me it all. I want you to talk about the good times and the bad times that made you into the incredible human being you are today. So many of us walk around embarrassed of our past. Regretful of our mistakes. But why? I’ve done some stupid shit. I’ve let my emotions get the best of me before. Recalling certain memories hurts me in ways I can ever explain. But these accidents are what made the happier times feel so amazing. Without the lows how can we ever expect to enjoy the highs? Well, I want you to give me a playlist of your ten favorite songs. I want to know about you. So you can’t use the excuse now that people won’t like you or people don’t want to know the true you. Because I do. There’s nothing more magical to me than to see someone’s eyes light up as they explain their passions. Or the small wrinkles people get around their mouth when they half smile while talking about their dreams. These are the things I appreciate. These are the moments that determine your worth. The giggles, the tears, the sweat, that is you. That is what matters. Not some stupid subtweet or bitchy remark from another person. Don’t ever forget that. Promise me you won’t?

Ri’s Christmas Challenge

Ri’s Christmas Challenge

Okay so yes Christmas is about a lot of things- love, appreciation, family, cookies… But lets face it. We can’t act like Christmas has nothing to do with presents (as much as our grateful selves try to convince everyone). Presents are one of my favorite […]

ED & Me

ED & Me

People are obsessed with food. We talk about food, we bond over food, we take pictures of food and post them for the world to see, we read about food, we wear food, we personalize our food, we fight over food beliefs. But what if […]

HYDRO HOOPLA

HYDRO HOOPLA

In order to complete the transition from high school wannabe to kool kollege kid, every individual must make a purchase that is normally between $25 and $40 (no, this is not including the cost of tuition). This purchase is how one can finally feel like a true member of young adulthood. It is college culture. It is the… hydroflask.

*insert “whoas” and “wows” and interested readers*
1) Temperature can make or break a drink. Hot coffee should not be cold. Cold coffee should not be hot. Put your coffee in a hydroflask and suddenly you don’t have to worry about that anymore. Your coffee will always be juuuuussttt rriigghhhtt. Hashtag serious business.

2)  H2O is good for you. I swear being dehydrated is the worst feeling ever! I automatically become a tired, grouchy, giant pimple when I am parched. So if I’m carrying around a hydroflask, I’ve always got some water ready to go.  And that is beautiful.

3) I LOVE MY PLANET and you should too. An easy way to help the environment is to use a reusable bottle *cough* hydroflask *cough* instead of plastic ones for your beverages! So now all you people who deeply desire an eco-friendly world are actually getting off your asses and doing something to preserve the environment!!! Yay!! And when you’re in college and have a tiny trashcan, it is extremely important to avoid a full trashcan. It’s such a struggle to walk 15 feet outside to the dumpster. So less plastic= less trash! Less full trash cans= less walking! Yay for laziness! and yay for the Earth!!

4) Hey you actually have something to put your stickers on!

5) Discounts!!! As you 13 readers of mine should know by now, money is a substance my wallet lacks. The investment in a hydroflask is worth it because you will get your money back. How? I already told you (first word if you forgot)…DISCOUNTS! A lot of places give discounts to people who bring their own cup! Hell yeah!!!

 

How To Holiday With A College Student Budget Phase 2

How To Holiday With A College Student Budget Phase 2

Warning: There are high levels of sarcasm throughout this blog post. Please proceed with caution. Well guys, it is still holiday time!!! And I still have no money!!!! I am sure many of you can relate (or at least are cautious spenders). Once again, I […]

This Is My Bully

This Is My Bully

Outside was basically a hurricane. I am a foreigner to all weather conditions other than dry heat, so I’m probably being a little dramatic. I apologize for this. But I guarantee it was at least sprinkling. I met with an old friend for coffee. At first […]

How To Holiday With A College Student Budget Phase 1

How To Holiday With A College Student Budget Phase 1

 

Warning: There are high levels of sarcasm throughout this blog post. Please proceed with caution.

It is officially the most wonderful time of the year! It was all fun and games until I opened up my wallet only to find a few coins, a Forever 21 gift card with a balance of $1.47, and many empty pockets where cash should’ve been (but I mean who is really surprised). Yes, I know the holidays are not about money, but having a couple of bucks can definitely make life easier. Don’t even try to argue that. So instead of having a single item for “what’s unique this week”, I’ve decided to change things up a bit. I am going to show you how to holiday with a college student budget… featuring decorations!!! Wahoo!!!

My attempt to set the stage: 

It’s November 2nd. Halloween is over. Your content suddenly fades. You notice your neighbors putting up..what is that..wait..what is th-OHMYGOD IT’S A REINDEER. NO. IT CAN’T BE. PLEASE NOOOO. You carelessly spent all your money on this one holiday without realizing Christmas is right around the corner (less than 8 weeks now ahhhhhhh). What do you do? You lay on the floor confused, crying, begging for mercy… all hope is lost…and….BAM! I crash through your door (heroically) and save the day. 

How did I save the day you might ask?

Well, child, here is the answer to that great question:

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 1) FIND YOUR HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS AND ASSESS WHAT YOU’VE GOT.

GOT NOTHING? WELL, I GUARANTEE YOUR LOCAL STORE HAS SOME BAD ASS HALLOWEEN SALES GOING ON RIGHT NOW. GOOOO.
THIS PICTURE IS OF ME JUST HAPPILY HOLDING SOME JUNK!

 2) TIME TO GET TO WORK

  • I STACKED 3 WHITE PUMPKINS VERTICALLY.
  • I USED THIS MAGICAL (AND QUITE HANDY) SUBSTANCE CALLED SUPERGLUE TO CONNECT THEM.
  • I PLACED A SNAZZY HAT ON THE TOP PUMPKIN.
  • AND TA-DAH A SNOWMAN!!!!!! (SORTA)

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  •  YOU SEE THAT SKELETON HEAD IN THE FIRST PICTURE?
  • WELL, I PUT A B-E-A-UTIFUL SANTA CLAUS BEANIE OVER IT.
  • ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT *PIERS MORGAN VOICE*
  • THE MOUTH IS KINDA CREEPY, BUT YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
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  • CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WAS ONCE A WITCH HAT?
  • INCREDIBLE, I KNOW.
  • I BASICALLY TOOK A WITCH HAT AND PAINTED IT LIKE SANTA CLAUS.
  • SO FRICKIN’ CLEVER.
  • NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW THIS CAME FROM THE HALLOWEEN AISLE.unnamed-16
  • THIS SIGN ONCE READ “BEWARE OF ZOMBIES”
  • BUT WITH THE HELP OF SOME NOTEBOOK PAPER, A RED MARKER, AND TWO PIECES OF TAPE… LADIES AND GENTLEMEN *CLEARS THROAT*  WE NOW HAVE OURSELVES A CHRISTMAS DECORATION.
  • IT’S ORIGINAL! IT’S ONE OF A KIND! NO ONE WILL KNOW WHERE YOU BOUGHT THIS WORK OF ART! NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND HOW A COLLEGE STUDENT CAN AFFORD SOMETHING SO EXPENSIVE AND HIGH-CLASS!
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     3) TIS’ THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY (AFTER CASUALLY CELEBRATING THANKSGIVING)!

     I’m sure this blog post saved 1, 2, maybe 420 lives. I hope I have made the holidays a little less stressful for you all!

    Phase One of “How to Holiday” is complete.

     

"RUNNING SUCKS"

"RUNNING SUCKS"

Most people refer to me as “crazy” because I run on my own will and I FRICKIN LOVE IT. I wasn’t born a runner. I wasn’t born with this magical desire to run. I am not  a “natural” at running either. Don’t get me wrong, those […]

Lose The Attitude For Some Gratitude

Lose The Attitude For Some Gratitude

Three cheers if you hate writing essays! Three cheers if you used to like writing until school happened to you!! Three cheers if you used to like writing until your teacher pointed out all the reasons your paper sucks!!! Three cheers if your teacher would […]

The Girl With The Avocado Tattoo

The Girl With The Avocado Tattoo

As many of you know, last May (18th birthday yay adulthood!!) I got my first tattoo! The amount of comments I’ve gotten since then… ha ha there’s been a whole lot. I’ve been asked why I have a pear on my leg. I’ve had people awkwardly say “oh. nice.” I’ve had people gloat over how cute it is. I’ve had people casually disapprove of it. The list goes on.

Well, first of all, lets get things clear here. I have an AVOCADO HALF tattooed on my leg. Secondly, there are two reasons I decided to do this.

This is my stupid Riley reason:

1) Avocados are amazing and taste good on everything. One time I tried it on pizza at Mellow Mushroom and died of happiness right then and there on the restaurant floor. Lets face it, avocados are truly a magical substance.

This is my “okay but in all seriousness” reason:

2) I struggle with confidence. My entire life I’ve stood right next to my identical twin sister and have been compared- “Your nose is bigger, your eyes are closer, you aren’t as tall, your hair is shorter, your face is rounder, etc. etc. etc.” No one has ever had bad intentions, but due to this, I have been aware of how I looked for as long as I can remember. Similar to many girls, I often finding myself picking my body apart, pointing out every flaw, rather than viewing my body as a whole and a temple that allows me to live. Today, society tells us to not be too thin, but also not too heavy, or not too tall, but also not too short, and not too feminine, but also not too masculine instead of just being ourselves. And I’ve had it. I want to be me. Soooo I decided to put an avocado on my thigh for a reason. An avocado is what people call “good fat”, thus whenever I am feeling insecure about my body (particularly my thighs), I can look down a be reminded that I am healthy and my body is healthy. Having fat in your body is essential regardless if the media says otherwise. My imperfections are what make me a unique individual and just because I don’t look exactly how I’m “supposed” to is nothing to be ashamed of. I think it’s very important that we all love ourselves for who we are.

I don’t care if you judge me for my tattoo or think the reasoning behind it is silly. It helps me and that’s all that should matter.unnamed-13

THAT’S FLAN-TASTIC

THAT’S FLAN-TASTIC

One of my favorite things to throw on before walking out the door is definitely a flannel! I have a variety of colors and styles and it takes like 0 seconds to find one that will match my outfit (because they match EVERYTHING). I buy […]

Happy 16 Years From Becoming President

Happy 16 Years From Becoming President

Hey everyone!!!! Today is Dylan’s 19th date of birth soooooo SHOUT OUT TO HIM!! 21 years away from living in the White House! Instead of hurling a million page biography of our last two and a half years together at you all, I’m just going […]

Dry Shampoo And I Are Pretty Tight

Dry Shampoo And I Are Pretty Tight

The item I chose for this week is none other than DRY SHAMPOO! I never used it because it would always leave flakes in my hair (I was afraid people would think it’s dandruff). But then on a magical day (Wednesday to be exact) in a magical place (TJ Maxx to be more exact), I found “Batiste” & my life has never been the same since. Here are five reasons why:

  1. I am lazy. I am in college. Showers are time consuming and require effort. Yet I still need life (even if it’s just in my hair & the rest of my body tells you otherwise).
  2.  Who wants to take a shower in the winter when it’s so damn cold… it’s honestly pure torture stepping out of the hot shower. I cry when that freezing air slaps my innocent body.
  3. It keeps me from using heat daily! If I take a shower, I always blow dry my hair afterward…& then curl it or straighten it. The technical term is “murdering your hair”. With the help of dry shampoo, I can easily revamp yesterday’s curls in a matter of seconds.
  4. Sometimes after I workout I don’t have time for a full shower, so dry shampoo is the perfect solution. It takes out the grease in my locks and POOF no one knows I just came from the gym (unless my extremely red face gives it away #gingerprobz).
  5. It’s healthy not to wash your hair everyday! Over washing can lead to a dry scalp and dry hair, so it’s a good idea to give yourself a break once in a while. I mean if you are doing a hardcore workout in 120 degree weather, you don’t really have a choice, but if not, loosen up a bit! You won’t regret it, promise.

If you can classify your hair as a buttface, then you should definitely invest in some dry shampoo. Personally, I recommend Batiste because it has worked well on my hair and there are a variety of scents! You can get it almost anywhere that carries hair products, but it’s cheaper at stores like TJ Maxx (at least compared to Walmart). Dry shampoo is my best friend every morning and leaves me feeling confident even when I wake up ten minutes before class! It’s the little things aka dry shampoo that can make a day wonderful.

 

Look For The Leaping Bunny

Look For The Leaping Bunny

I am not going to show you pictures of neglected animals who were tested on. I am not going to write page after page claiming how bad of a person you are for using these products. I am not going to lecture you, guilt you, or […]

Smell Your Way To Happiness

Smell Your Way To Happiness

Okay the item this week may seem kind of weird… *drum roll* SCENTED MARKERS!!!!! But hey it’s the little quirky stuff that make life more fun and interesting! I have two different brands of markers: Mr. Sketch and Crayola (both of which are great and you […]

I Think You Should Know

I Think You Should Know

One out of three women and one out of four men are on a diet at any given time.

One half of fourth graders are on a diet.

In 1970, the average girl started to diet at age 14. In 1990, the average age dropped to 8 years old. And that was 26 years ago.

Two out of five women and one out of five men would trade three to five years of their life in order to achieve their weight goals.

In one study, three out of four women stated they were overweight, although only one and four actually was.

 The dieting industry is the only business in the world with a 98% failure rate.

Just thought you should know.

TIME TO RAISE THE BAR

TIME TO RAISE THE BAR

The item this week is my favorite snack in the whole wide world. The Larabar. It was love at first sight. Yes, they can be a little pricey, but there are always coupons available and it is waaaaay cheaper than your daily Starbucks. Here are […]

Ques-twins & Answers

Ques-twins & Answers

Trust me, I already know that is a clever pun.

Putty, Please.

Putty, Please.

Okay guys I’m not exaggerating when I say you should invest $10-15 in what most of you are going to assume is a child’s toy.  Soooo read the rest of this before you judge me. I am apologizing now for my excessive use of exclamation points in this article, but this stuff makes me super excited. Here are 5 reasons you need Crazy Aaron’s Thinking Putty in your life:

  1. This was MADE FOR ADULTS- yeah you can buy it for children, but its original purpose is to help adults clear their mind in order to get through the day.
  2.  I have the biggest fidgeting problem…I always have to be moving whether it’s tapping a pencil or playing with a hair tie. And let me tell you, thinking putty isn’t annoyingly loud or distracting, you don’t have to worry about getting dirty looks from others!
  3. It’s a stress reliever! You can bend it, rip it, squeeze it, whatever you want! It’s like a stress ball but a million times more badass and fun. If you are still caught up in how great your reputation is (throwback to 7th grade), I guarantee you’ll instantly become the most popular person in your school, office, local Walmart or wherever you spend your time if you have this putty in your hand.
  4. THERE ARE SO MANY AWESOME COLORS. I’ll list a few categories: metallic, primary, electric, glow in the dark, precious metals and gems!!!!!!!!! There are some that change colors in the sunlight or from the heat of your palms!!!!!! They are so mesmerizing and pretty hipster for you hip people. (You could even coordinate it with your outfits if you’re just that fashionable).
  5. This may sound stupid, but after playing with the putty, you won’t feel obligated to wash your hands! It’s not sticky (so you won’t have that icky feeling on your skin)! Also, it’s odorless and it never dries out!!

My favorite color is called “Northern Lights” because it is iridescent and damn does it look cool. It’s actually the left one in the picture below! I’ve had a handful of strangers come over after seeing me with it because they wanted to experience the magic as well.  Instead of awkwardly staring at my phone when I’m alone, I’ll pull the putty out and BAM!! I have the perfect conversation starter ((no joke)). Type Crazy Aaron’s Thinking Putty in on google and you’re one step closer to reaching enlightenment. You are welcome.

 

Dear Depression,

Dear Depression,

Your neighbor, your loved one, or even you could be silently suffering. When you try to explain the situation to others, they may “understand”, but do they truly? And do you truly want them to understand and know exactly what it feels like firsthand? Depression is […]

H-ALOE-LUJAH

H-ALOE-LUJAH

We all know aloe vera for the wonderful cooling sensation it leaves on your sunburnt skin, but I swear this substance is more magical than you think. Here are 5 reasons you need to spend $2.99: Even if you don’t have a sunburn it’s still an […]

The Worst First Blog Post You’ll Ever Read

The Worst First Blog Post You’ll Ever Read

Hi everyone! This is exciting, yet very awkward because I am not famous and I have no fans. I read that my first blog post is supposed to be interesting & intriguing so people will read my future blog posts, but why would I spend 729341 hours trying to write a god damn novel to impress a bunch of meanies who are just going to make fun of it on their secret Instagrams. But hey if you have read this far I’d like to take a moment to just honor Harambe for the noble life he led. Long live his innocent soul (I apologize if you’ve heard this one too many times).

Okay, but in all seriousness I truly hope my blog can change one, two, maybe like six lives. Even if out of the thirteen people that see my page only one person walks away with a new perspective, then I will be happy. But I’d be super happy if I became popular enough to get sent free things.

Yours Truly,

RileyUntitled